Who Compares to Him?

In the world, I am meek, indecisive, timid, quiet, boring, fearful of error, liking comfort, lazy, unthinking, irritable… so many things I really dislike about myself.

In Christ, I am hopeful, see a purpose, passionate, persevering, and dedicated, able to forgive, merciful, kind, patient, and loving.

My inner thoughts sometimes confuse me. They tell me it's ok, that sometimes I can just forget being Christlike, being all so good, striving for holiness, and goodness... that it’s time to relax a little. Or maybe even telling me that I’ve been wasting my time trying to be christlike all the time, for it is impossible, I should just be a 'normal' person. But what is normal? Being sinful? Being un-christlike? Being worldly? BEing NOT so holy? Being doubtful of Christianity? Being unbeliving?

Therefore, I am telling myself, don’t forget, when I have been touched by the Holy Spirit, I have been made new. A new life of Grace had filled me and changed me for Good. I have a new life in Christ.

Therefore, I don’t need to live by the world dictates. Why struggle with all those worldly emotions? God is offering me something better.

Every day when I really go deep into prayer, I am convicted - of the various things that are sinful in my life. I cry tears because I know there's so much more i could be, or that God wants me to be.... So much more... it's like the whole world cannot contain the love of God...

YET we want everything NOT of God. We want the privilege of being able to live life for ourselves, and callously without regard for what pleases or not pleases God. If we can justify it with rationality, it is correct. So if I can justify my actions, a sinful act could be correct. But is it?

I do believe God is alive and real and there to judge me at the end of the day. And He will also judge with Love - because everyone is like sheep fallen astray.

Also I realise that the more we grow in Christ, the more sensitive we will be to things that are ‘not’ of God – and the more difficult the struggles get, because previously we were dead to Christ but now being alive in Christ, even the smallest sin – feels like a big speck and a big weight upon us.

It is hard to describe the feelings… but I know that only spiritual warfare can get me through.

That said, if I can praise God and meditate on His Word every day and night, that would be great… though it will be a challenge… because I’ve been so plagued by tiredness, worry, stress, anger, sadness, and so forth, caused by simply, the fact that we are in the world. Everyone in the world will face all these things.

Real Joy – I know it is found in Christ. It’s just whether we want to find Him or not.

Many other joys of lesser degrees can be found in the world, even in sin and revelry. But ultimate Joy is in being forgiven, being set free, being able to see Eternity, the prospect of Life with God. Not being GOD, but being WITH God.

I shall try to lift my eyes to better things and worship Him more sincerely. This gets tough when you are just going through the motions.

Sounds like a love story? Yeah – perhaps, why I’m so ‘sufficient’ – is that I found a love story with God.

And if I sound like a lunatic... well, perhaps, an obsessed churchy one. I'm not totally "holy". But it may seem so - the way I rant about God.

Oh well... God is magnificent.