Latest rantings

Things I wanna be doing in many years time:
- Still playing the violin
- Still being up-to-date with String
- re-discover a confident and extroverted nature of myself
- Find love?
- Still be doing art
- Visiting the world
- Writing something

For now.. maybe... i could...
- be an online e-newsletter freelance designer!
- take a diploma cert in violin
- enter into a new orchestra?

Anyway, it's been a generally up-hill month, i've been rising up to a few challenges here and there especially with a new situation in OLPS Youth - taking up a new post in the Youth Comm.

It's calling me also to re-look into my place in YAM and consider letting go. I don't think I could handle 2 things at one go without being partially favorable to either.

Now the web course has officially ended, but i am now stuck with TWO Projects! From module 2 and 3. YEs i haven't completed the 2nd project and now the 3rd has arrived too... I took more than 5 weeks and I didn't manage to complete it. Only did a bit when I actually took 4 days leave from work. Can you believe that?

Anyway, I have re-discovered my love for String tonight. After the Journey 2007 concert, and with me being angry for not being notified earlier (we only got the news this week for this Saturday's concert), i realised how passionate I am for this cause. The String ensemble has been a home and my 'baby' since NTU even VJ days.. that's some 7 years already! Just like YAM ministry.

If there is a possible slot in time, I will definitely go back for practices at all cost. This is a great passion in my life and I must not give it up for anything else, even youth ministry! Of course, to say this treads on dangerous ground. Who knows anyone hearing this may mis-interpret me. But what i'm saying is simply, I love string to bits!!!!!!!!

The music can bring you into another land. The challenge of mastering the violin - lasts for eternity. And feeling when everyone plays in harmony is simply euphoric. Bliss.

The irony of Change

We live in a world of constant reflux
but Change is steady -
and we resent

But if we should so enter a state of unproductivity
where change is absent,
we desire

We make new plans for the future, longingly,
yet cling on to the flimsy nothingness
of past

We lose ourselves, to ever changing thoughts
When all we need is a firm answer
To a simple question

Should I change me?

And so we enter

Into a state of non-change
A world that's a bit unsteady
But otherwise, bliss ---

Waiting for Change


My Thoughts: "Still the same.."
- Sometimes we want to change, knowing that it is an inevitable part of life. But we might also end up in a limbo state where we constantly "change" our minds about that, thus half of you may want to move forward while another part of you wants to stay put. So we get stuck. It happens when we long for progress, yet still want our nostalgia. Change is difficult. We get personally involved. We question our own identity as a result. And we get lost in Change.

- IN the spiritual sense.. JESUS is the same today, yesterday and forever. He never changes. He is our rock of refuge. But we may not want to see Him as a central pillar of our lives. Instead, We flitter around. We focus on anything but His Word. We seek Change. Every other season, we have a new hobby, a new goal, and a new pursuite in life. It makes us seem successful. It makes us busy. Fulfilled? Even yet, Jesus is even more than Change. Yes, he wants us to progress in life. But even more, He wants us to transform. By His grace, we are transformed from our current state into something new. From Glory to Glory. Only By HiS Grace, and this is nothing that we can do alone in our human strength. And spiritual transformation has to begin in a state of stagnation - when we truly realise our barrenness and cry out to the Lord for repentance. Then true life-giving change - that brings freedom - will arrive.

2 Elaines

There are 2 elaines in my life who touch me. Amazingly so... one, by her faith in prayer, and now she's moving on into her new job, a blessing, not a christian but a believer. That is what I call, pure, childlike faith. I see in her, a mighty woman who has been through her fair share of suffering, disunity, and trials, but that ahead of her will be a new life of blessings with God's hand guiding her. I pray she finds her peace and greater conviction in God.

The other elaine, is courageous, a leader in her own. She is full of drive, ambition, yet also zest for humanity and most of all, God and God's people. She is also a lady of strong faith in God, who persists in the face of trials and fire. She is growing stronger with each new experience and each new step in life. I see her as a strong woman!

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you.
1 Peter 5:6

Watch for God's blessings--in God's timing.

Facebook craze

Aw.. the facebook craze is dying out! already. But it's a really cool mechanism... cept that after a while, you'll realise after all that it's still not as personal as being with real friends.

Maybe i'm in a spacing out mood today..

Yes.. kill me... let me be dead to myself and alive in the Spirit.. so that I may live.. that i may feel the need for God... that I may really Trust in God's plans, and that I may really live in the Spirit and not by the flesh.

The story of the fern and the bamboo

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship,
my spirituality. ....
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very
good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green
covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the
bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo
seed.
I would not quit."
He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from
the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100
Feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots
Made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not
handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this
Time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing
roots. I
Would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."
He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the
Fern, yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give
up on you........
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you Happiness.
Bad days give you Experiences.
Both are essential to life.
Keep going...

Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
GOD is too wise to be mistaken...
GOD is too good to be unkind...
So when you don ' t understand..
When you don ' t see HIS plan...
When you can't trace HIS hand...
HAVE FAITH AND TRUST HIS HEART

Eminence Orchestra

COOL! Wow this is a very interesting orchestra.. View more of their performances here!

And below is the same composer - Joe Hisaishi - playing Howl's Moving Castle Theme. Wonderful!!

new dream

Ah lemme talk about my dream again. Weird dream last night. WEll... that's the result of all the sloth... slept after dinner!!! Somehow my eyes felt so heavy and I took a short nap which became the real thing.. and i woke up and it was morning. AGAIN. Just like saturday. What's with me.. this break was supposed to be a project-weekend break but now it's like.. catching up on my rest, sleep and doing nothing-ness. SIGH!!

But well, the more interesting bit..

I dreamt of something weird. First.. i was in my class, i think JC class, cos a lot of JC friends whom I recognised. There were 3 big cliques but me and another girl (presumably ruby) were not in any clique. But ruby wasn't ruby, but instead, I thought of marissa from G2, coz she was quite a close buddy during the whole Chris de silva stint for 3 days last August.

Well.. we were supposed to get to the airport by 10pm... and I was looking for bus 36, but after a while, suddenly we were seated and trying to sort out logistics like how many needs tickets.. and I was burning... coz we were late! after a while... it was getting really late and i just stood up and asked.. ok how many needs tickets and took charge.

Oh well.. then fast forward..... we were now in that country... it was supposed to be somewhere western... but there were a lot of chinese eateries (a bit like langkawi setting) around. I seemed to be there before. Was doing the driving,... and explaining to the friends with me (dunno who they are) that there were a lot of chinese migrants who came here and set up shop.

Then dream changed... forgot some in betweens.... next, there was a giant... who stole a man's shoes or i think it was more gross in the dream like he really cut the feet off???... i think everyone was runnin.. including me and another guy... the giant was tyrannical... laughing madly.. we kinda fell into the water.. and swam away... and the man with the lost feet/shoes? was nearby and I had the urge to save him.... grabbed him, pulled him up shore and dragged him to the area where his feet/shoes were... (of course in the dream, i was amazingly strong!)..

So the Giant was a bit slow... and forgetful.. so we stole the chance to grab the shoes/feet and run away... then I passed him on to another bunch of women to help him get the shoes on or kinda fix back his feet? i forgot which was the actual. Anyway... the other guy who was with me running earlier kinda escaped.. showing that he's not too keen to help.

Then after that.. there was a mad dog barking outside... and I was worrying about whether it would come inside... then 3 nice guys came in (we were still in a kinda makeshift shelter with a canvas cover and a plastic hole to peep outside) -- the 3 guys remind me of the OBS time (when i was 15!!) where there were 3 guys in my group -- one big, one medium, one small (hheahaha!).
SO they assured us inside that its ok. Then dream ended.

Some interpretations??

Airplanes (from dreammoods.com)
To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise above to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness.

>>> I guess, missing the plane would mean a fear of not being able to overcome the obstacle.

Giant
To see a giant in your dream, signifies of a great struggle between you and your opponents. This may prove to be a major and overwhelming obstacle for you to overcome. Alternatively, a giant may be symbolic of an issue or feeling that is dominating you.

True > an issue that is dominating me... my stupid web project that i simply dunno how to proceed on!!

Loss of shoes: If you dream that you lose your shoes, then it suggests that you may be searching for your identity and finding/exploring who you are.

Foot
To dream that you injured or hurt your foot, signifies a lack of progress, freedom, and independence. Alternatively, the dream may suggests that you have taken a step in the wrong direction.

Sea
To see the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and your transition between your unconscious and conscious. It also often represents your emotions. The dream may also be a pun on your understanding and perception of a situation. "I see" or perhaps there is something you need to "see" more clearly. Alternatively, the dream may indicate a need to reassure yourself or offer reassurance to someone.

Mad Dog
To see a mad dog in your dream, denotes that you and your friends will be the verbally assaulted by your lowly rivals..

Hmmmm

Ironic

Thursday & Friday – I had 2 days of leave, but no time to do web project. How ironic?

Perhaps it’s the project-block… like design, or writer’s block… it’s like back to the familiar school days where before the exam, I’d have time to study but nothing gets in the head.

As of today there’s 3 days more (have another 2 days of leave on Mon & Tues). Its’ kinda lavish.. taking FOUR days leave just for a web project and a non-compulsory one at that. I could just skip it and not get my cert.

But I’m thinking I wanna get the cert. I also dunno why.

In my cupboard, there’s a file full of certs… ballet, piano,.. violin…school certs.. but what do we do with them anyway?

There’s even certs to certify I’d participated in the terry fox run. Which I walked halfway anyway. So what do certs do?

Anyway.. Friday was totally out. Was preparing for a session for an overnight retreat at St. Stephen’s church. I must say, I could have put in more effort… and feel so bad now, thinking that we probably didn’t go as great as we could have done. Half my mind was on the retreat, half was on the un-started project.. berating myself for being so distracted.

Sigh.

Where am I headed?

Stab at poetry

Just Another Day

We live
Not knowing why
Till the day comes
When we struggle
For just another day
Just another minute
Of precious breath
of life

We falter
When carelessly
We live our lives
Pursuing happiness
For just another day
Just another minute
of senseless revelry
In ourselves

We balk
At the realisation
That We need
Just another day
To realise the uselessness
Of it all
To simply begin
Pursuing life

We fail
For just another day
When we recognise
Yet deafen ourselves
To the only worthy thought
Of the one above
The Creator
The Life

So we ponder
The meaning of it all
Till wisdom arrives
And we acknowledge
the only One who knows all things
from the beginning
of eternity
The answer

To just another day
Just another chance
To walk another path
To search
And find
Our peace



Author's note:
We often realise, only too late, the meaninglessness of pursuing our own goals or our own self-thoughts of success. When life seems to come to an end, all we want is another day - regretfully - to make things right, to pursue the things that really make sense, like loving the people around us, cherishing life. But we fail again when we continue to ignore God above - who is the creator of life - who is the only one in this world who can give us the true meaning to life. And we will only find our peace in Him alone.

Jesus said,"I am the way and the truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me."John 14:6

Scare

Just yesterday I had a huge swell on my foot. It was still there today so went to a doc. Said it’s some bug bite perhaps…

Silly as I am, I got pretty scared yesterday and today before visiting the doc..… My thoughts were – what if it’s something serious or have a possible sudden impact that costs my life? What would I do? How should I behave? I thought – if I have only 24 hours more to live, how should I live? Then I understood the anguish that people with terminal illness face… or those who fear their lives going. One thing is that there shouldn’t be fear of death for the Christian believer. Death will bring us to Christ. Why fear? But it’s human.. its natural. We also have many attachments to the things of this world. I was thinking.. I can’t die – I still want to do so many things… No.. how can I? But who is to say?? What if we had only 1 day more? Our life ultimately is in God’s hands. So scare or no scare, it got me thinking that our present and also eternity must be focused on God. And that’s the real challenge. Because we are only giving like 30% of our lives to God --- but what about the rest? We still want it for ourselves at times.. it’s like.. we want to do good things and godly missions… for God……but we are still holding the title-deed on our lives. If you were to die tomorrow, would you panic? Yes, right? You get what I mean?

Hurting foot?

Today my foot (some muscle on the top part) is swollen and hurting ah…

and I just thought… God tells us to go out to spread the good news, but often we just cradle our foot (aka our hurts or pain), and just complaint about the pain and feel so weak and make ourselves unfit for service….

All this just brings to mind the importance of putting on the "shoes of readiness" to spread the Good News of the Lord.

Heh..

Partings in the last week

Oh so many people leaving last week... awww!

Effa & Joyce:

Charissa our intern:

Fathi:


& Matthias is back in Germany! He's here with Simon(left) looking at the scrapbook we made for him... or rather, the book that Mar & Jac made.


Trying to look sad... but not quite successful. But we were sad... it was a nice time together! We will miss him!