A beautiful poem

"Three times I prayed...but God said,
'My grace is sufficient for you...My strength is
made perfect in your weakness."
St. Paul in II Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

Searching in sorrow
In my weakness I found
The path I had taken
Was not at all sound.

The road to success
The way to great gain
Left something inside me
That gave me great pain.

I'd had thrills and then victories?
Success with great grace
But deep in my heart
I was drowned in disgrace.

A voice from within me
From deep down inside,
Cried in my deep sorrow
In my anxious-pained tide.

Seems all I had done
Was soon to be gone
The honor, the glory,
Would all be undone.

"I've got nothing," I thought,
"I got nothing at all.
Unless I have something
That remains when I fall."

"What have I done?
Was it really so good?
Gave all of that effort...
But empty I stood."

"What was the purpose?"
Was all I could say
When all of my victories
Had been taken away.

My heart and life broken
I called to my Lord,
Deep in that darkness,
There were only His words,

"What have you done, child?"
He asked me point-blank.
I, stared... and then stuttered
And how my heart sank!

Again He addressed me
E'en there as I cried,
"I've called you and loved you
It was for you that I died."

He picked up my head,
And I raised up my eyes,
And there in my weakness,
I gave my reply,

"My strength was my weakness,
But the worst thing of all
Was that it was my strength
That caused my great fall."

"Forgive what I've done, Lord
And how I've decried
The reason You called me
Which I so long had denied."

He showed me His cross,
His wounds and His side,
He said it again?
"It was for you that I died."

The love that I'd sought for
The feeling inside,
Somehow--strangely grew warmer,
As a part of me died.

A New Man within me,
Renewed from the pain
Now looked up to Jesus
His strength to obtain.

"I'll do what you want, Lord,
It's all that I have!
My wants, my desires,
All those I will leave."

"Show me Your way, Lord,
Show me Your call,
That for which I was chosen
Before the beginning of all."

"Go--now--in your weakness,
Don't trust in your strength,
Though weak, tired and weary
I'll hold you the length."

I rose and then followed
To where... I don't know.
But trusting and waiting,
In time He will show

What things really matter,
What things to forsake,
And why He has called me
How He gave me His grace.

I'm clay... but He'll shape me
He'll be by my side.
My Friend, Lord and Shepherd,
In whom I'll confide.

I praise Him! He changed me!
My weakness He raised
To strength so unequalled--
He'll ever be praised!

My searching's now over
And now that I've been
Called His--and forgiven--
No more need I gain.

Thomas F. Fischer

Blogger spam

Hmm there's starting to be spam comments coming into blogs. It's interesting to see how a medium develops from the early to intermediate to mature stages.... diffusion of innovation.. haha.. all those terms I've studied... fuzzy now.

Anyways,.. its been a great and tiring week. Kinda like.. burnt.. just wanna do Nothing. There's my youth group, Youth Arise Ministry, our partner youth group - John 10:10, at Thomson, and OLPS Orchestra, plus all my own friends, entertainment, and newly added - GYM! I'm going to sign up for the least package - 6 lessons with a personal trainer - coz i don't think i can motivate myself. Will cost a bomb nevertheless.. considering i already am paying membership. But i think... better do something than nothing at all.. i guess.. for a unmotivated person like me (with regards to gym) this is the best way..

Going for the prayer meeting yesterday at John10:10 was really inspiring. It's been like months since i went there and really missed it. I realise that even though we say we are busy and don't need to go for those kind of praise and worship sessions, are we actually keeping up in our spiritual lives then? It's like .. gym. I don't go,.. does it mean i'm doing my own exercises elsewhere? If i am, then, good. If not, then i lose out. Same thing. I felt that after the 2-3 months of not going, i was losing out and gradually getting busy doing my own thing without being spiritually nourished. Church on sundays is good but not enough.

We can never get enough of God.

So God has a purpose for me. I had to be there yesterday. I had to be. Coz I heard from TNT so many messages that meant something to me. Isaiah 42-43. Psalms 139 and Psalms 150.

This Day...

Good news today.. Me Elaine & Claire have got one more lobang for a Wedding end October. Cool.. so cool.. now how much time do i have left in the week to have practices? Looks like I've gotta skip youth group meeting again at John10:10 this friday... Since July I've not been attending their sessions, only the small growth group (cell) meetings. Man... i actually do feel the lack of spiritual support and really miss them.

It's been a whirlwind of a week..1st week at my new job as Copy Editor at IQPC Worldwide.. pretty cool.. I'm finding that this position suits me rather well. BUT I'm stressed! I cornered myself when i suggested that to enable myself to gain credibility, I could do a test (aka... Testing 15 people on their copywriting skills/knowledge?!) And so now i've to create a test for them and it's been festering.. have to submit draft tomorrow but it's still sketchy and not to mention today is a great day to sleep and do nothing.. and i have this buggin my head.. Arh so difficult. It's easy to say i should do it first and get done with it.. but then the unwelcome bugger called procrastination comes and wrestles with me.. and I fight.. and am losing this battle against time.. now it's like 6pm and i'm going... ahhh only 6hrs more to tomorrow... *how dramatic*

Silly me aint' it? How worrisome i can get!

Anyway, It's been great this whole day coz i really am doing nothing,.. just thinking reflecting.. and watching Bleach! It's a really cool anime.. much better animation than Naruto. And just started on this one called Black Cat. Cool too.. action packed man. Sometimes.. it's really nice to drift of to a world of adventure, suspense, fighting and you actually feel with the characters. Perhaps that makes up for the boring life that I seem to be having right now.. but that won't remain long. I just joined California Fitness coz of a great corporate package that they were offering at the company! More exciting days ahead! And looking towards some hip hop with Pauline.. missing out on blading so far though..must get my lazy butt moving.. & Rollin!

And well, Steven Curtis Chapman is still my favourite singer! Inspiring, motivating, Faith, superb acoustic guitar and orchestra arrangement... If only I could one day be playing in that kind of orchestra.. cool aint't it?

ANyway, yesterday, I went for the CJC retreat and it was my first time in their air-conditioned hall. God is so good.. there was an opportunity to go for confession and I had been shirking it for the longest time.. say.. when was my last confession? So finally.. i went.. and it was a sombre time.. felt dry but i knew that God's power to absolve my sins was real. Indeed. That night i was tired.. and hungry coz i missed dinner. Couldn't half concentrate on the praying over during the healing night. But later.. managed to go for supper and had a good sleep. Sigh.. what's worrying me so much? Ministry it seems... I just wonder what is this burden that God is putting in my heart? Is it something? or is it just uncalled for? Oh God won't you please tell me?

This Day (my reflection for today...)
Steven curtis chapman
Album: Declaration (2001)

Yesterday the sky was bright and clear
I could see the sun and I could hear the song
Faith flowed like a river free and deep
And grace was not so hard to be believed
But that was yesterday
And what was close enough to touch
Now seems a world away
So what about this day

This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You this day
This day

Who knows what tomorrow's light will bring
Tears to cry or maybe songs to sing out loud
But only God can see that far away
And He made us for living day by day'
Cause He wants us to see
That the God that He's been every day of history
Is who He is this day

This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You'

Cause You are the same yesterday and today and forever
Through every season Your truth and Your grace never change
Oh, Lord, I do believe
That the God that You've been every day of history
Is who You are this day
This day...This day

This day Your mercies are new
This day Your promise is true
This day my hope is in You, Lord
This day
This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You this day

I'm gonna trust you this day
Yeah Yeah
This Day

Writing is thinking

"Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living." Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"I think, therefore I write" Bryan Magee

I wish to live

The ALTernative Life -

• Ask Questions, Listen Carefully and Think Thoroughly
• Attitude that Loves the Truth
• Appreciating every Lasting moment of Time
• ALTruistic
• Ask God and Let Him Transform me

The New Job...
I have always thought that I would want to work in a small company. But perhaps, being in a big one might just suit me better, where I am able to contribute, yet the major decisions lie in the hands of the big players, yet giving me the freedom to be creative and add value to the company.

I believe I might have found just what I really like to do. Who knows, I can't tell just yet. But this job seems suitable for me so far, in that I am able to believe that I have something to contribute. It's gotten me thinking much more than usual and gotten me on my toes just scurrying about (in my mind) thinking frantically how I have to secure my position and ensure that I am at the top of my game.

As much as I am on my toes, I delight in being able to sit my butt at this nice corner of the office with the whole view of Marina South behind me (of course the morning sun is rather hot in the morning). I wore a nice-quality white Tee today (nice one but it's still a TEE after all) and someone commented - "Woah, T-shirt ah??" but I managed to get away because the air-con was still broken down.. (HAH!) and coz I'm now a copyeditor - I actually don't really have to dress to the nines.

I just sniggered to myself.

I believe I will like this job. And this time, with no qualms about losing the job. Not like the first round, if I ever lose a job, I don't think I'd be scared anymore. What's passed is experience gained, and courage to face it the second, third, fourth time.

And I'm glad that I can be creative. And am given the lee-way to be so. No precedents. No expectations to "follow". Just paving my own way, constantly rushing to think of new ideas to ensure my survival. It's only the beginning, but I know there's a long road ahead for me. But hey, I am so 100% comforted to know that Firstly, the company people are nice, they seem to need me and my editing, and they are open to ideas and my ideas are relevant. Secondly there's this really lovely lady at the office who always makes me feel so welcome. Thirdly, another lady on my left is a strong Christian, and she really inspired me today when she told me how she was converted.

I know there may come a day where work becomes routinised or maybe some people may even have better ideas than me. Then there's where my toes will have to start moving and I have to create new ways to ensure I am kept useful. Perhaps suggest new roles I could take on. Forge my own path.

I think I'm learning how to survive.

And true enough.. I do survive in a sort of structured environment where everything is moving already and have its process ongoing, but where I also have enough space to make improvisations. If it's like.. To manage the whole business or the whole campaign.. I am stressed to bits. So. There goes. My self-analysis for now.

If I were still in school...
Just a wild thought. If I were still in school... I'd probably go into journalism or communication research. But no regrets. I probably want to do everything now once again - and do it better - and I realise I remember my tutor Bill Ryan so fondly coz he was the one who taught the Advertising class which I did enjoy, though it was pretty relaxed. (maybe that's why).

If I were still in school... I'd do a research paper on Blogging. The latest craze, the latest marketing medium.. the latest internet phenomena worldwide. What else? Online Product Marketing. What else? Search Engine Optimisation. Online Marketing. I'd also take up an advanced course on Flash and HTML and PHP, jHTML, dhtml, asp, javascript, coldfusion, ack.. whatever necessary to do up a good proper website. It's so difficult to start on my own now. And come to think about it, my two weeks are over and I still haven't done anything for my so-called personal website.

Anyways... as for courses,.. All I'm thinking of now is to go back to Dancing. I wanna be more free. I wanna express myself more. Shall I Dance?


Thankful...
I thank the Lord today for His Grace, His love, His guidance. Indeed, if God were behind the event of things, I'd say he's a great director. And if I were the actress in the story - hmm.. if one could have observed from inside my heart, all those emotions I've been through - my character would be pretty interesting! Though on the exterior it seems pretty bland. So that makes me a Lousy actress.. hahaha!

Well I hope my acting becomes better - that is if I'm happy, show that I am happy. Be more transparent. And if God's such a great director, we know that the future ahead will be very... dramatic... indeed. And it is, isn't it? Life IS dramatic. I await the ups and downs ahead with great hope.

Noise Singapore

My poem has been featured on www.noisesingapore.com! YIPPEE! Though it has a very grim topic.. I was pretty proud of that poem, did it at the Poetry Workshop class in Year 3. I even presented that piece during class. Now it's up on NoiseSingapore.. gives me new hope as a poet eh! hahaha...

The Race amidst grey skies

Life is not pure black or white.. The Race is not as simple as a chessboard where you are either black or white, you either win or lose.

Sometimes, we win. But we also lose. And sometimes, we lose but we also win.

For example, we get what we want, but at what expense? Or we lose something precious to us or fail in something we believed we should not have failed, but we gain experience and character.

Perhaps, life is really rather grey. To win, you must lose as well. A blend of black and white.

To me, winning is not a matter of winning in the minor things of life. Win or lose, it doesn't matter. Of course winning makes people happy, having achieved something. Though the glory is meant for God. For me, I want to win the crown. Crown of eternal life. The prize at the end of the journey. That is what matters most.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Exerpt from article 'The Race'

We are living in a bizarre time were people believe they can change the rules of the race to suit themselves. They believe that the One who created the race won?t mind at all if the rules are modified, and that He even encourages the change. Some denominations are ordaining homosexual ministers, professing Christians are encouraging same-sex relationships, and the catastrophic rule-breaking goes on. When these ?Christians? stand before the Great Judge one day to receive their medals, they will hear one word, ?disqualified? instead. What a terrifying moment that will be.


Blog inspired by article 'The Race' by Renewal Youth Ministries. [Read here]

"If anyone thinks he knows all the answers, he is just showing his ignorance." - 1 Cor. 8:2 (LB)

Looking up the hill

Praise the Lord! I got the job on 2nd interview. I thought seriously tt i was up with great contenders. I hope i didn't overpromise. But i've got the job. A new hope, new goals and work ahead.

I don't really feel great though, more like... trepidation.. coz i fear of not doing well again. In this world you have to succeed or be defeated. It's so tiring. I've been just bumming the last 2 weeks and it's been great! If not, not enough.

However, I take strength from Mother Theresa who said - 'God has not called me to be successful. He has called me to be faithful.' I see this job as a new door opened for me, where one was closed, God opens another - YET AGAIN. This is probably the 2nd time it has happened. All i can do is Praise Him.

It's not my own works or strengths that i got this job. It's the confidence God gave me to go through the interviews and be positive, and not display a weak and worried me. So then, all is left for me to buck up and go for it! YEAH!!! A NEW JOB!!!

Anyways, I found a nice place to eat! It's Maestro Bistro at Cineleisure. Call me a bumkin but i've seriously not gone to Cineleisure for a long long long time! And last night, me, Mum and Aunt Elsie went to watch the sneak preview for Bae Yong Jun's April Snow. It was a total disastrous, slow-moving, lousy plot, no morals show. DON't WATCH IT! Anyways, we had some nice drinks after that at the Maestro Bistro which left me saying - I must go back again to try the food. ahhaah!

Next up, is Stairways to heaven. Haha.. in the middle of this Korean drama series. It's another version of winter sonata and even while knowing the tragic ending to befall, I just wanna see what's it about since mum and jacq have told me that - it's nice it's nice it's really nice!

Now halfway through and stuck on the computer day and night. Well.. better finish this before new job starts man! Wahhaha!

So.. what should I do?

Your #1 Match: ISFJ

The NurturerYou have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ESFJ

The CaregiverYou are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

Your #3 Match: ISFP

The ArtistYou are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The PerformerYou are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The ProtectorYou live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

Fascination with Light

What about Light?

Interesting stuff. If God is light, then it?s interesting how we measure space in light years!

And did you know that astronomers have discovered a 10th planet - which they have dubbed ?Xena? - and it appears to have a moon of its own, nicknamed "Gabrielle"! The Hubble Space Telescope will be turning its gaze on the pair in November/December, and should reveal even more details.

And read this: Scientists working to understand the nature of the Universe have developed some interesting theories that propose we have many more dimensions curled up inside the three we're comfortable with. A pair of researchers have done the math to calculate how the Universe could shape up after the Big Bang, and found that it favours three and seven dimensions. In a seven dimension Universe, gravity would diminish greatly with distance, and planets would have difficulty forming stable orbits around stars.

Man.. if God is real and true.. why not a 7D kind of universe? 3D is what we know feel, touch and see. And what about the spiritual plane of existence - our souls - heaven, hell, etc.. all these possibly could exist in another dimension. And I think it does! I don?t buy the theory that we all merge into ONE consciousness and then get reborn again or end up as the forces/energy of the cosmos/nature.. it doesn?t explain our uniqueness, and makes living on earth seem the epitome. But look at all the disasters on Earth. To me living on earth isn?t something really that great. I wanna see a greater purpose for our lives on earth..and the God theory makes more sense. In other words the Christian faith is not just blind faith, you actually have sense and logic to it. Perhaps this is coming from a person ?born? into the faith so I have no means of seeing from another perspective. Countless times however, I?ve tried to position my thoughts from someone who doesn?t believe in God. True.. I CAN understand how they think, but then, I also understand why it?s hard to believe. It truly is hard. Only God can lift that veil from our eyes and give us spiritual insight.