I like this theme. I really like the campus crusade for christ theme, 'movements everywhere'. Maybe this is what I really like to see in the church scene... maybe this is really want I want to do for youths or in my church work.
But i am also becoming a bit busy. Being free isn't too good. You still fill up your free time and you end up busy all the same. Oh man.
Today had a long day at mum's shop. But it was good coz i managed to revise my japanese lessons. Have gone for 5 lessons so far. It's already getting cheem! I'm already feeling it. But it's exciting nevertheless, and I just can't explain it, but i like the language so much. Why, anime or manga influences? perhaps. who knows?
Meanwhile,... mum and I had a good time thinking of doing a 'blogshop' to help her sell of old stock for glasses. It was cool> For once, i humbled myself and listened to her and was amazed at how it was quite a vibrant idea. Not like me, wandering about aimlessly,... mum has focus, goals, and ideas.
So... I have somethin to do. That's why i'm feelin busy. Good busy.
But even now, I still feel the weight of not praying, not attending mass regularly and not being so spiritual. I know it's like... there's a toll on my spiritual life and ministry. It's hard. It's really hard.
Maybe I should go for Marlene's session last week, DIE HARD... and it was so nice to see people writing about their convictions to give up sin and give up all the bad stuff.
Perhaps God allowed me to take a break in Malacca. Discover the joys of friendships, sharing, photography, and pilgrimage. I loved the homily at the Santa Cruz Church. It was speaking to me. My takeaway from that weekend was --- BECAUSE Christ chose death on the cross, we CAN choose life.
It's a cliched christian phrase, that made sense to me after a long while, like it suddenly became alive again. I realised AGAIN, in a long time, that it's only BECAUSE Christ chose death, that we can have life.
It's hard to explain, coz it's a spiritual revelation. It will not make sense if you just read it like this, flatly. Coz we all know that right? Duh... some might even be skeptical.
So well, yup, that made sense anyway, for me.
I realised, also that I can choose life, and I can choose death. All up to me. Before that, I cannot choose life coz Christ did not yet die for me.... I only had death. As a human separated from God through the first sin of adam, there was no redeeming grace - but Jesus enabled it all, to give us the opportunity to choose life - Him.
ok... i probably sound like a new born-again christian regurgitating what I heard from my pastor. But I do believe these.
As a catholic, I think I am on the edge of a plate... been swimming around for some time in the water on the plate, not really knowin that it was so shallow. But walking at the edge of the plate, I now ponder, is it alright to just swim in the plate, or is there more i have to dive into beyond this plate? I dare not move ahead. I dare not plunge.
God, where do you want me to Go?
