My Tues-Wed rantings in a new "randomness" fashion...
- Anime piano scores... Crazy downloads.. just downloaded 37 new scores on Sunday. There's songs from the animes, Air, Blackcat, Bleach, Deathnote, Escaflowne, FateStayNight, HikaruNoGo, LaputaCastle in the sky, Totoro, Noein, Howl'sMovingCastle, Nausicaa, SpiritedAway.... REALLY can't wait to try them out.. whahahaha!
- I know why I am so occupied with church work. I kinda forgotten for sometime. Today however, while walking to OLPS and taking some time to reflect, i actually had a thought. That there is 'so much to do' and so little time. If i want to see revival or be part of God's revival movement, I must do this work. That's why I do what I do. It's totally by the Grace of God. HE gives me the calling, the motivation, and the strength to get through it all.
- I thought today... that if I had only 3 months to live, or let's say, 5 months, or let's say, only 1 year, I'd be a happy person all the same - cos it will mean that I can really live life to the max doing things with a goal. Sometimes, when you get complacent, it is easy to lose sight of the goal, and live life just for the sake of living life. Get what I mean?
- I was looking at pictures of friends on facebook who visited Italy & Rome and must say the architecture is fantastic. But nothing beats Japan. I don't know why. It must be all the anime. I really wanna, dyingly wanna go there. Mai nichi, watashi wa Nihon e ikitai!!!!!!
- I think "random" is a new word in my dictionary. The latest "random-ness" rant from me is that I really HATE salt on watermelon. Don't kill the sweet taste with the salt! Same thing as I really HATE apple soup. I think it is a weird combination. Hot apples? Never!
- Ade made a skirt for me. It's a skirt with gathers but using jeans-material. So it's a bit puffy and tough. I have to figure out how to wear it seriously.. and i better not wear it when i'm feeling fat. NEvertheless, I really appreciate it.. she sewed a skirt for me! Totally hand-made! (And i used to score really well in sewing in Sec2... gosh.. but my cooking was bad!)
- I am wondering if i can survive the month of March. While jap class takes a break till May, I wanna start the art class again and Ensemble practices. What about tennis too? my regular tennis kakis have also all gone into hibernation since December. Blame it on the rainy weather which killed our fabulous routine!
- At times, I am a loner. I can survive without someone to talk to. I have the blog. AHwahaha..
- Today a rainbow was spotted in SG and covered on news. Amazing. Coz today is also Ash Wednesday. I forgot the meaning why we have "ashes" to mark our foreheads. But this one can go look up at Google lor!!
- I thank God that i managed to go for mass today. It's Ash wednesday, a special day for Catholics that marks the beginning of LENT, a 40 day period of fasting and reflection. I wonder if i am really able to 'fast' for anything at all. Maybe my goal could be to reduce watching 1 episode of anime each day, and read my book entitled "PRAYER" that I have not touched since 2007?!
- I can 't wait for the bag that Ju has posted to me... I really can't wait.. each day I am thinking.. when will it arrive all the way from BOSTON??
Lastly... before this goes on forever, let me stop here and wish everyone SHIT!! or ... "So Happy It's Thursday!!!"
Ok I wanna play word games now. TGIF is Thank God It's Friday. THIS - Thank Heaven it's Saturday. SWISS - Sunday Wasted in Sleep, Shiok... SWIM - So Wretched it's Monday. SHOT - Sianzz, How Only Tuesday (hahaa). SHOW - is Super High on Wednesday.
Recall one part in the movie where younger bro says to older bro – I will never forgive you. At the end, when he gets “everything” – it shows him partying in the end with the gal and typical Bollywood mass dances. Yet it does not show anything about how younger brother ever forgives older brother in the end, for what he did. Where’s the real closure? Where’s the real heart of the movie?
Next, if both young & older brother so called moved out from their ‘slum’ life and find new areas elsewhere, why does the older brother continue to slave under mafia type of gangsters while younger brother goes off to live a decent life working his way around? It does not show the relationship between the two brothers very well. Was there jealousy? Was there love? Protection? Friendship? None shown. So perhaps, they are not real brothers…? You compare this brotherhood to the local movie “THE DAYS” and I would say, our local film fairs 100x better. I was so touched by the brotherly bond in The Days but found none in Slumdog.
Overall, the passage out from slum-life to freedom and riches is a nice theme to follow, plus a bit of the idea of first-love, freedom, and survival of the fittest. But overall, it is superficial. At the end of the day, I feel sorry for how stupidly one can choose to die and how one can choose to live life.. I just want the million dollars and the girl. ?????
WH has recently gone into violin teaching. Check out his blog: www.theviolinplayer.wordpress.com - I am impressed. It's so easy to swop lines eh? It's like the opposite of me... I take forever to settle down, and learn ever so slowly and all i aim for is stability and routine. I like organising stuff and I can just go on day after day. What is this??
Recently, I have been thinking and thinking and thinking. It's almost driving me nuts because I don't think I can feel what my heart says. Frankly, I don't know. I never know. I always don't know what my heart feels. I am ruled by the head most often. What my head tells me no, I can't bring my heart to say yes.
This weekend, I look towards church stuff again. Youth prayer meeting for OLPS youth, my own youth group "Youth Arise Ministry" and some admin duties. Planning for the committee mtg on Monday night. Seriously if i compare myself to any other fellow person out there, it seems crazy. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. Even I tell myself, you are crazy. Though I am not so enthusiastic nowadays, as compared to somewhere back around 2003,.. Inside I come down to the same reason. It's unexplainable. Don't expect people to really understand.
Frankly, I am also having to explain it to myself at times, why do I spend a lot of time in church or doing church work?
Ok my personal reason or understanding is something like this. I have a very weird life-view - that takes the form of Ecclesiastes.. there is a line saying "life is meaningless" and i seriously believe that now. I mean, for all that we do, eat sleep work laugh cry, everything dies in the end. WHen we die, we return back to the Lord. I believe in a heaven. So i believe we will go and see our maker. And we will see Jesus.
Ok my next reason is also - because I am weak. Perhaps the cynics may laugh at christians and say that religion is just for the weak. Those who can't do it on their own, make it on their own in life, have to turn to religion to find comfort in crowds. In other words, they are all losers. Yes, these are cynics. But I don't deny it. Religion IS for the poor, the hungry, the suffering. JEsus never came to save the rich or the proud. He came to save the poor. I believe that Jesus has saved me by giving me an awareness, of His reality, and giving me faith... a crazy faith at that.
Another reason - I believe that HE has something in store for me to do in my time on Earth. I am thinking what's the big deal if i made my mark in history, my name on some book, or some rock, or some person... so what? If we die, only our spirits will stay on for eternity. Then what?
I know why I am listless. I know why I have been slacking in my spiritual life (always complain to friends that I am not that onz anymore). I just don't want to face this huge responsibility, this huge calling that I know God can have for me. I don't even know what it is and don't want to know. I am just happy in the comfort zone.
But also perhaps even if i said YES GOD, it won't be so huge after all.. wont' be something like "Sam go and be a nun". nah. I am not thinking of that at all. IT might be something as simple as to be more present, pray at all times, to be of use when the time is right. Like to be able to say an encouraging word at the correct times, to administor God's love to people, to pray for them, to lift them up... to show the world that There is a God out there... etc.
What have I been doing? Nothing pretty much. I am running away.
God. Forgive me. But it's really hard to really answer Your call in my life.
Anyway, on a lighter note.. I am really busy but fulfilled this week. I miss my sister. JU.. hope you are ok!
"The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am" [Dr. Sam Peeples]. God, this quote is really true. I've known people who have gone through some very tough times in life. Some of them allow their experiences to motivate them to try harder, keep a positive attitude, and be generally nice. Others have become bitter, withdrawn, negative, and are generally not pleasant to be around. Please, help me to keep my eyes on You and on the positive view of life. Don't ever let me become a bitter, negative person. Help me to be an encouragement to the people I face every day. Give me strength to live in the power of the Holy Spirit. And please, forgive me where I have failed. Thank You, God, for giving me hope and a future. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Oh my gosh. I have had several weird nights this week. Trying to do work (aka all my youth stuff)... then feeling really tired, then lying down on the bed to ease the body... then knocking out almost in a minute. Then waking up like 6am or thereabouts.
Usually, i just sleep. But today i found my laptop blinking... coz it has some special sensor for movement or heat?? it randomly goes to sleep and on again? i still don't understand it's system. (just like a real person).
Anyway, it blinks on.. and the light wakes me up, plus I needed to go toilet. SO... feeling guilty for leaving it on YET another entire night, I decide to off it but when i see the first page was my blogpost which i intended to type last nite also, I decide then to sit down and not go back to sleep and TYPE this.
So i look for a song lyrics.... by Steven curtis that starts with "It's 6am, and I'm so tired..."..
http://www.junhopark.com/ - i go on to read the latest Feb 2009 post on Prayer by this blogger... it is so so so so so so so extremely true and I am so touched.. is this GOD? telling me what to do, how to live, to pray more?
I read on.. this person had been on a mission to Japan. NOW it strikes another bell... Japan... i really wannaa go there.. hmmm
And this passage is awesome...
In John 15:5-6 Jesus states, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned."
One aspect of my nothingness without God is this: I am absolutely, utterly ineffective if I am detached from God. If I am separated from God due to my pride, wayward heart, and acts of disobedience, I will be a "dead" Christian. I would be utterly wasting my time doing all of these religious things but really, these things would not mean a thing.
I recognize that God can take away all the blessings and talents He has given to me in an instant, at the snap of His finger. And you know what? Even if He does, I will have absolutely no power to get these things back. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. He may choose to take away my musical abilities, my friends and family, my money, my health, my ability to instruct and to lead others. He may turn me into Job. And that is such a humbling thought.(taken from Junhopark.com's Feb 8 post)
So anyway... this was the song that I was looking:
THIS DAY (STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN, Underdog Album)
It's six A.M I'm so tired The alarm sounds And the new day begins Before I go And disturb this peaceful moment I look to You
[CHORUS:] I want to say a prayer Before my feet can hit the ground Lord I give this day to You
I'm amazed how You forgive me Yesterday seems so far behind It's a brand new day And every day's a new beginning I look to You
[CHORUS]
Breathe in Breathe out Breathe in And watch the day begin I wanna watch the day begin
[REPEAT CHORUS]
And another youtube video on Steven Curtis - on another song I really like. CAN YOU Hear the CELLO!? lovely..... this was talking about his adopted children...
So sweet - just feel so sorry for the loss of his little girl, maria - in the video below...
Back at Ma Maison for my B-day Dinner... yesterday night with mum dad and mama penny!
They have a special treat for birthday babies, a free slice of cheesecake (uber-cheesy which i do not really like haha) - and a snapshot from a polaroid. SO here's the shot taken! Ho ho ho!
I feel so accomplished over this weekend. Did a lotta things... a really lotta things...
Woke up at 7:30am this Saturday and it's been a whirlwind all through till now.. 11pm on Sun night. I am finally taking a long nice breath.... to enjoy the cool night air.
So, it began like this on Saturday: - woke up - designed the flyer for the youth testimonies. Emailed to my church office. - go to office at 9am, collect signed certs (for the youth) and zap it. - zapped 600 copies of the flyer designed this morning. Picture too black, removed the pic. - 10:30am -- rushed over to the district youth day meeting with the youths from other east parishes... ended at 12noon. - continue with the certs/flyers.. writing names on certs, then folding the flyers... then laminate certs. - left halfway with my peeps helping to finish up the lamination. - go home change then go out to Sentosa... - games & food & beer and cake and song, and waboba ball playing with my lovely colleague-friends... they will kill me if i just say "colleagues" ... hoho ho.. - then rush over to go home then go out for JC dinner. It's supposed to be a reunion but only 4 came (incl me). SO... we had a nice dinner. I had my 2nd birthday slice of cake... ;) - Then got stuck in a 45mins jam at liang court car park. How come? - Then go to my best secondary friend Ruby's house to play Wii... guitar hero... super mario... whoo ho.. superb... and we also had a lot of fun looking at old secondary school and Jc photos. Gosh... I WAS SUPER THIN AND COOL then. Oh gawsh.. i really wonder why i felt fat then.. and NOW i don't feel fat, but am fat. Maybe i have resigned to fate or got more cosy with how I look. Haha.. see how time flies. - Today, woke up, did up the printing of various youth ministry stuff, then get changed to go to church. We had the youth commissioning mass, lunch and a talk by Bro Jovita. It turned out smooth, and I was pleasantly very happy that it was over and went ok. - Finally, chill out at Coffee Club this afternoon with YAMers. It was such a good time.. with our core team members, and Van... later with Paul too... I felt, belonged, loved, and yes, I had my 3rd Slice of Chocolate (this time Cheesecake) cake. - After a lot of crappy photos, and silly faces, we made our way home. - At home, I went to do the OLPS e-newsletter, being so inspired... - Then, I went to play my new piano challenge pieces. It's a bit easier on the second round. But the song "lilium" is super damn hard. - Finally, I am back here at the com... all wacked out. Here's to a typical weekend. Damn tired now and it's time to rest and call it a week.
SO it's now the end of the week, but the beginning of a new one ahead.
Just like how bro. Jo told us, it's a beginning... our service in Christ.. our youth ministry mission field,..
I sigh at how it is NOT the end yet..... but I rejoice at how it's just the beginning again.....
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 corinthians 5:17
John 12:24 (New International Version) 24I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
Fantastic... downloaded the sheet music but when i tried it, my gosh.. it was like 5 sharps, then later morph into 5 flats then 5 sharps again... oh gosh.. i took like almost 2 hours tonight, "sight-reading" 8 songs,.. and only got through each song once (at most twice for just a couple of them).
It's really tough, but there are people who are just so good at the piano. I sux at it.. but this is a break for the norm for me. Pity there's not much string quartet arrangements for these... Below are 6 of the songs for tonight...
Vampire Knight - Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi
Clannad - Dango Daikazoku (The Big family of Dango) -- don't see this as easy... i kinda stumbled at every bar lor... hahaah.. 4 flats. OK my piano really sux... !
Elfen Lied - Lilium (didn't watch this but i like the song.. melancholic...):
*Interesting fact: Lilium, the opening song of Elfen Lied, is written with Ecclesiastical Latin lyric cited from biblical passages arranged in style of Gregorian chant and performed by soprano Kumiko Noma.
Bleach - Life by Yui
Bleach - life is like a boat - by Rie fu (my all time favourite)
Life is an opportunity,
benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires
of your heart." Psalm 37:4
