Dream

I had a dream. But only remember a section of it...

In this dream, it was a pretty much state of chaos.. I 'think' the scenario was like broken down buildings and 'robotised' people following orders and the feeling one gets is that no one is supposed to break 'the rules'. Think of the book 1984 by George Orwell...

Then, two other people and me were 'following' a 'teacher' (not sure what we were doing) to go to somewhere (it didn't have a nice feeling). But standing at the back, we slipped away into a lift where there were 2 other gals wearing another school uniform.

And u know, with me and all those anime.. the girls were wearing Japanese uniforms with checked skirts. Hehe nice. And so we reached the floor that we were originally supposed to get off on, but we decided to wait and follow the girls.. they were going to another floor (at this stage I don't quite know if the lift was really going up or down).

In any case, the lift door opened and we came out into a totally new space --- we were in the middle of a real built up school, with 3-4 storeys of class rooms all around us left and right, with corridors and students leaning out looking into the small courtyard where we emerged from. It was bright and colourful.

And alas, we were in different uniforms (Now they were all white and we were the coloured ones).

So we pretended to be 'new' students who got lost and quickly said our class was 'that' class (pointing to the nearest random class we could set our eyes on).

What happened next is a series of blur.. but I recall a scene back in our 'original world', of seeing a group of students with both coloured uniforms (my uniform) and one with the white uniforms (the discovered classmates) walking together ? this signifies that our two 'schools' finally merged and there was no more 'barriers'.

Interesting?

Going deeper, I see it like this: We are in the world --- following our set rules of life --- it can seem dismal and chaotic, dark, bleak... But when we find God or maybe even simply during times of heightened awareness of a different life elsewhere? - we realise there's a new world altogether in another realm (of awareness or simply of any hidden potential that could be hidden in us). It could be an awareness of the spiritual as well. Think of the Matrix (computer world vs the real world)?

Then, as people who have entered that 'enlightened' realm (of seeing the new life that could have been) we aim to bring that life into our old areas.. to bring 'life' to those areas.

Spiritually, it's like we get an understanding or insight about God - and then bring it into our world - and try to get others to come with us up that lift to that new world and new life that God promises. HE says in scripture that we are new creations, the old is gone. So this marks how we have an 'old' and 'new' aspect of the human spirit. In Christ, we are made new. Without Christ, we are our normal 'old' selves. We need to be 'reborn' in the spirit each day to experience the Fullness of LIFE that God intends his creation (ALL mankind) to enjoy.

So there's my take on life now.. I want to find that new life (in God's Spirit) again and be rejuvenated..

God is the boss

Today i dedicate my post to God.

First thing i see when I open the bible (after not touching it for a long time!!) - is John 8:11 when Jesus said, "Go now and leave your life of sin." Then I wonder at the aptness of the verse as this is a time when i am feeling really far off from God (aka sinful, not really connected,.. out of the faith.. overcome by the world.. ).

Then i turn to Galatians 5:7 which goes on to say, "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.... and (v.13) You, my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbour as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

How true. How apt. The voice of God really speaks if you are open to hear him. I was 'cut' by this message. Truly i felt upset and i wanted to 'trash it out' with the ministry... i wanted to just call a meeting to tell everyone how low and tired i felt and question why wasn't anyone even realising anything - or why even up to now, 1 year on since we started in OLPS, no one is really doing anything or has any good ideas... truly i want to know why they even come at all. I wanted to really just tel everyone that if this goes on, let's just call it off.. let's just close the ministry down. There's no point. There's really no point if no one is free, or no one is committed to making improvements in the ministry.

Then again, after reading this verse, perhaps I will take a different approach. I'll retract the angry words and discuss my issues with the rest in a different way.

No one is sinless - and perhaps for those people like me who serve in church, it's not because we are more holy or more pious, its simply an act of love for GOD. It should be because I love God, that results in ministry - which is a commitment to showing love to other people and building others up. But when ministry life takes a toll on a person - perhaps, it's more like the love for God has decreased - resulting in less of ministry fervour. So it all boils down to you and God.

So i'll praise God tonight (instead of complaining) and wait upon Him to show me new insights over the next week. It's probably when we're close to giving up that a new spark can alight and rekindle the dying flame.


So then -- About today.... --- today was an awful day. I didn't go to work - I was so super super tired after 2 full days of playing violin from 2pm to 10pm.. and driving all the way from NTU back home.. SO I just woke up late most willfully - and then I wanted to let people at work know that i was 'on leave' or 'on mc' or any excuse i could find.

But I just didn't inform anyone... (so i'm going to just see how it goes tmrw).

After the deed was done (of willfully 'pon-teh-ing' work...) I decided to make the most use of my time today, I practiced my violin from 2pm to 6:30pm - 4hrs solid (with a 30min rest in between). Managed to cover the whole repertoire only 1ce through... getting stuck at every other part of the song. But it's exhiliariating!!! Just not going to work - and playing violin the whole day - it's super exhiliarating. Don't know how to describe. I should be a musician. Full Time.

Anyways..

Then went for the OLPS Youth Committee mtg. It was good. I opted out of being voted as any post of chairman/vice/secretary. TOO much commitments and i'm not exactly the best person to be 'in touch' with youth already. But after the mtg, I know that there's still lots more things that i could do... - and that the ideas and dreams in me are still there.

What are my dreams? Now, it will be... an exciting internet ministry (perhaps most relevant now that i'm managing the website). Large-scale youth rallies (maybe East side). Cool wacky youth events that bring together all our talents in music, art, drama, media and evangelism. Evangelistic events. (Since when did i have passion for evangelism? blame it on campus crusade! hehe.. they have such a gift for evangelism and a calling in that area - that it's still simply flowing into my veins even till today 1 year on after NTU).

Then I look at where i am now and Why am I not happy with the things the way they are? Perhaps it's all to do with people and my own management. I find that I have these dreams but i've not waited on the Lord to let Him show me what HE really wants. So in the end, it's my own strength, my own control... i'm the boss. Not God. But then... God should be the boss. SO then.. I decide today - that I will really 'let God and let God'.

And rekindle the passion for ministry and my members once again. I realise it's not good to be angry with them just because they haven't had the initiative to suggest things or to have the same visions or dreams as me. Maybe they are coming just to get fed and get some fellowship and input from everyone, from which they go ahead to serve in other areas. What right have i to be angry at people and say - why don't they have bigger ambitions? PErhaps I'm the ambitious one. I should just turn to God and let HIM deal with things.. and submit all my plans to him. Did i ? No. And when things go out of control.. i feel lost and i try hard to keep up the control.

But God wants me to let go and let Him be the boss. So i shall do that.

So tonight... i'm going to let God be the boss of my life. So just watch. LEt's really just see what happens next. I really can't tell. God is an exciting God. I'll update you again!

A week of Irony

The week has been ironic. Been having lots of great events going on... birthday dinner with Pau & Ruby... went for Pilates & Hip Hop class at Cali wif Claire (Yay i finally went back since Feb!).. then had my last oil painting class on Wed.. and then String Practice on Thurs.. and then a fab dinner wif Lixia & old friend (whom i didn't meet since JC1) - Huijun!

That was Monday to Friday. Yes. But ironic part is... i've been sad. I think it's about the ministry. I feel a bit outta touch with God and perhaps it's been taking a toll. Perhaps it's after a big event like ABLAZE that one feels the drop in adrenaline and perhaps, motivation as well?

I think it's discouragement and disappointment. I know I expect too much out of people and yet I may not have communicated it through well enough.. A leader's job is seriously tiring and demanding. Unless the leader himself has no expectations we can just go "with the flow". But then... the whole thing is becoming burdensome. What am I doing and for whom? If it's for God I don't think I'm doing anything in particular - it's like.. serving my notions of what a ministry should be like. Perhaps this is another turning point in my life with God or ministry. I don't know. Frankly.... my only challenge now is to Let Go and to get back to having a positive portrait of God's plan and vision. When things become murky,.. the vision becomes unclear, i can only walk on in small steps and hope and pray I don't fall into some pithole that's too deep to climb out. I feel i'm treading on the edge. Truly. And I realise I don't have a mentor, a prayer buddy, or a really close relationship with God. It's always the case isn't it? that lack of God in our lives. Do we live on jaded and say it's not worth pursuing God this much? or try to find God with even greater efforts? Where do I go?

Sam

TUES: Dinner wif Pauline & Ruby at Indian Wok
There goes. The dessert. Sizzling Brownie. I just can't help but take a pic. And it was a pretty pleasant brownie! Happy Birthday Pau & Ruby!


WED: Oil Painting last class
My easel with the object in front. My lamp is too dark here isn't it? and Kim Chit (our teacher)said my 'head' looks like an 'egyptian mummy'! WAHHHH!

Other students: Puay Lit & Kris

Kris's mum's wonderful creation!!! IT tasted wonderful... I ate so many..

There: my half finished masterpiece - but i don't feel like completing it..


THURS: NTU String Orchestra
This is the score for Harry Potter. It is absolutely hundred percent difficult. My bow didnt' even touch the string... while my mouth was like gaping wide... i can't play this! Perhaps now i only can play 1% of the whole thing. But it is seriously challenging and fun. THe music sounds wonderful.. even sitting there 'listening' to the music while trying to mimic the bow and pretend to be together with the rest - is seriously rewarding. I'm going to drop everything and practice seriously the next two weeks man.

So, Adventures on Earth ANd Far Far Away == The concert is coming on OCt 5-6. www.gatecrash.com.sg


FRIDAY: Clarke Quay shots
Had dinner with Lixia and Huijun (JC1 friend) at Crazy Elephant at Clarke Quay... after being turned out by Brewerkz's long waiting list... but it was fun. Classic Rock & Roll and American Garb. I can live with that. Not to mention a very sweet concoction of 'Chocolate Dreams' and 'Mai Tai' which subsequently left me high and dry in the pockets...

After that supposed JC outing... we walked around and shot some pics of the Clarke QUay interior. I wanna try some food in there - the moroccon and persian outlets. Looks so exotic.



And there goes the week... :)

Driving Escapades & String Dreams

Today I'm finally inspired to blog. Yes. After a super duper ICED Mocha from the sandwich shop that is really making me feel good and high now. If not, feeling low also no mood to blog.--Nothing good to say about when you're down.

And so, as the first part of my title says -- Driving Escapades -- The past week has been really fun driving! I've been to so many new roads! That is,.. many wrong turns.. haha.. but the good thing is that for every 'wrong' turn, I learn a new road. Ok so here's a list of where I've been or intended to go:
- Destination NTU -- Discovered the BKE due to a wrong turn as I was on the wrong lane.. after BKE goes up to Mandai, I can make a U turn and go back to PIE.. after that.. got lost at commonwealth, Jurong west.. and so many new roads learnt!
- Destination King?s Road (St. Ignatius Church) - Overshot at the Farrer Road/Adam Road exit and so found that Coronation Road also leads to King's Road. But couldn't find car park at the main church, so found out that Victoria Park Road leads to a back area with more car park!
- Fetching Marcel to Commonwealth MRT - we missed the turning. So we ended up going up past AYE, towards NUS!!! With a quick U-Turn, I managed to reach Buona Vista MRT and following the line, reached Commonwealth MRT at the end (after a big round). On the way, discovered where Holland Village turning was!
- Car broke down at Ang Mo Kio Central carpark ? Luckily I was in the car park!! I got some help from Nat's Dad as they live nearby at Upper Thomson. So then, I found out how to travel from Ang Mo Kio to the PIE (though i don't think i can remember now)
- Novena back to the East ? Found out that we can just go up towards KK hospital and then Rochor Road back to ECP. So easy.
- Mandai Road (ZOO) - Went to the Zoo on previous Sunday (10th) and I found out that it just needs PIE, BKE, and then Mandai Road. On the same day, I followed a friend to go to Pasir Panjang (but now I forgot!) and then from Pasir Panjang Back to Mandai Road.
- On that same day (10th) --- Destination Yio Chu Kang Rd from Mandai - I did not find the correct turning so I ended up at YISHUN!!! Then SEMBAWANG! So I finally found Ang Mo Ko, then Upper Thomson and then Yio Chu Kang!
- Going to Elaine's house (Yio Chu Kang ? Seletar Estates) for String Practice ? I found how to travel to Jalan Kayu!
- Just yesterday night? Fetching Claire Home (Hougang Ave 7) from Elaine's House (Yio Chu Kang) - I tried to be adventurous to try a new route - turned into Buangkok Green and I was supposed to end up on Hougang Ave 5, to get to Ave 8 and then Ave 7... but somehow the road landed us up at COMPASSVALE and PUNGGOL Road! So it was too late to roam around, we U-turned all the way back to Yio Chu Kang Road and went via the normal route again! Haha!

And so that's it for the list of Driving Escapades thus far. I wonder what's next?! ;) hehe!


String Dreams

We've got a new name! The trio - Claire, Elaine & I will be called - "Jazzical Belles"! It's magical, whimsical, and musical.. ! So what's next? A website,.. and more lobangs! Not to mention.. lose weight, get into a nice dress and be ready to perform this November at a Wedding lunch reception at IHM Church!

Latest Pics

Latest updates:

1st Sept - Durian outing @ geylang wif some colleagues! This was superb man. After durian, we went to the Taiwanese place (Yong He) and had Beef HorFun and I had my favourite 'Toasted Bun with Egg & Floss'... ;P



And as promised - the actual painted picture of the dragonfook as one artclass friend puts it.. hehe.. it was pretty challenging, this one... and after painting i think the rest hated me coz i managed to achieve some decent colours... BUt it looks exceptionally dull when you compare to to the actual.. hehahahaaa! Anyways, this lesson i was really concentrating and you know what? the teacher (Kim chit) actually said in Mandarin "Ke Yi Xue!" or "can go and learn".. I was ELATED!


Anyway, some older pics: - This one is of the recent company Summer Mtg. We had a theme of 'dance' where the company was split into 3 groups to learn Hip Hop, Lindy Hop and Salsa. I was in the Hip Hop or the "BLING BLING" group.. and it was really cool coz i have just started on Hip Hop classes too at studio wu. So then... it was really good for me. Look at the company!! Can you find me? heh... infront of a guy with Red bandana...


And latest is that ABLAZE is finally over. The crowd was really rewarding.. and I felt so happy and assured that the event was really in God's hands man..

About anime

I like what someone said about anime... "Regardless of how anime affects you, one cannot deny the essence of a great anime - an animated reality that draws us in and takes us on an emotional rollercoaster ride as we laugh, love, fight, and cry with characters that remain fondly tucked away in our memories forever."

Latest Pics!

oil painting lesson 5: dragonfruit! Painting this was super difficult..! we continue this week... :<

After ABLAZE Intercessory last Sun, Nat Sury & I went to Mad Jack's Cafe, Just around the corner from St. Ignatius church.





Then yesterday, I went to the Shine JEsus Shine youth rally at Novena. Despite rain, pple still persevered. And you should see the no. of youths. So many!

ABLAZE 1 week's time!

Oh i'm getting the jitters... Ablaze rally is coming and there's still so many things i need to do and so little time (and energy):

- vet/edit the input notes
- do the files & spray paint
- video (like this is even started)
- do the slides
- website update /blog update

So says who doing God's work is easy? I so wanna give up at many times, but then again, the passion to do things to my best is also there - although with limitations of time..



In the meantime, do check it out. The ABLAZE Blog. Cheers!