God is the boss

Today i dedicate my post to God.

First thing i see when I open the bible (after not touching it for a long time!!) - is John 8:11 when Jesus said, "Go now and leave your life of sin." Then I wonder at the aptness of the verse as this is a time when i am feeling really far off from God (aka sinful, not really connected,.. out of the faith.. overcome by the world.. ).

Then i turn to Galatians 5:7 which goes on to say, "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.... and (v.13) You, my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbour as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other."

How true. How apt. The voice of God really speaks if you are open to hear him. I was 'cut' by this message. Truly i felt upset and i wanted to 'trash it out' with the ministry... i wanted to just call a meeting to tell everyone how low and tired i felt and question why wasn't anyone even realising anything - or why even up to now, 1 year on since we started in OLPS, no one is really doing anything or has any good ideas... truly i want to know why they even come at all. I wanted to really just tel everyone that if this goes on, let's just call it off.. let's just close the ministry down. There's no point. There's really no point if no one is free, or no one is committed to making improvements in the ministry.

Then again, after reading this verse, perhaps I will take a different approach. I'll retract the angry words and discuss my issues with the rest in a different way.

No one is sinless - and perhaps for those people like me who serve in church, it's not because we are more holy or more pious, its simply an act of love for GOD. It should be because I love God, that results in ministry - which is a commitment to showing love to other people and building others up. But when ministry life takes a toll on a person - perhaps, it's more like the love for God has decreased - resulting in less of ministry fervour. So it all boils down to you and God.

So i'll praise God tonight (instead of complaining) and wait upon Him to show me new insights over the next week. It's probably when we're close to giving up that a new spark can alight and rekindle the dying flame.


So then -- About today.... --- today was an awful day. I didn't go to work - I was so super super tired after 2 full days of playing violin from 2pm to 10pm.. and driving all the way from NTU back home.. SO I just woke up late most willfully - and then I wanted to let people at work know that i was 'on leave' or 'on mc' or any excuse i could find.

But I just didn't inform anyone... (so i'm going to just see how it goes tmrw).

After the deed was done (of willfully 'pon-teh-ing' work...) I decided to make the most use of my time today, I practiced my violin from 2pm to 6:30pm - 4hrs solid (with a 30min rest in between). Managed to cover the whole repertoire only 1ce through... getting stuck at every other part of the song. But it's exhiliariating!!! Just not going to work - and playing violin the whole day - it's super exhiliarating. Don't know how to describe. I should be a musician. Full Time.

Anyways..

Then went for the OLPS Youth Committee mtg. It was good. I opted out of being voted as any post of chairman/vice/secretary. TOO much commitments and i'm not exactly the best person to be 'in touch' with youth already. But after the mtg, I know that there's still lots more things that i could do... - and that the ideas and dreams in me are still there.

What are my dreams? Now, it will be... an exciting internet ministry (perhaps most relevant now that i'm managing the website). Large-scale youth rallies (maybe East side). Cool wacky youth events that bring together all our talents in music, art, drama, media and evangelism. Evangelistic events. (Since when did i have passion for evangelism? blame it on campus crusade! hehe.. they have such a gift for evangelism and a calling in that area - that it's still simply flowing into my veins even till today 1 year on after NTU).

Then I look at where i am now and Why am I not happy with the things the way they are? Perhaps it's all to do with people and my own management. I find that I have these dreams but i've not waited on the Lord to let Him show me what HE really wants. So in the end, it's my own strength, my own control... i'm the boss. Not God. But then... God should be the boss. SO then.. I decide today - that I will really 'let God and let God'.

And rekindle the passion for ministry and my members once again. I realise it's not good to be angry with them just because they haven't had the initiative to suggest things or to have the same visions or dreams as me. Maybe they are coming just to get fed and get some fellowship and input from everyone, from which they go ahead to serve in other areas. What right have i to be angry at people and say - why don't they have bigger ambitions? PErhaps I'm the ambitious one. I should just turn to God and let HIM deal with things.. and submit all my plans to him. Did i ? No. And when things go out of control.. i feel lost and i try hard to keep up the control.

But God wants me to let go and let Him be the boss. So i shall do that.

So tonight... i'm going to let God be the boss of my life. So just watch. LEt's really just see what happens next. I really can't tell. God is an exciting God. I'll update you again!