Mixed feelings

The anointing of God - what is this? It's something that's so holy, so pure, so true. It's also a fleeting feeling. One day, you can feel holy and anointed by God and one day, you feel back into your worldly self filled with selfish, doubtful and totally unloving thoughts. But ironically, this is the christian struggle. The struggle between 2 selves - our worldly versus our new selves in Christ.

Today i don't know what to feel - happy, but mixed with some kind of foreboding. Sad but mixed with some kind of joy in general. Hopeful but yet also not, and whatever.. it's hard to define.

In this kind of state I just want to listen to Enya.. and stare blankly into space. Hahrr..

Be Magnified - song debate

"I have made you too small, in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That you were unable to help me.
But now O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes,and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified"

Was reading the discussions on this song at sermonindex.net and it just sounded absurd. The commentors certainly don't know their English, or don't know this song's beautiful tune which totally elevates you into the worship scenario, or are not really worshippers themselves.

Talk about being dogmatic and following the rules. They're too uptight isn't it?

I'm sorry but I just can't help comment at the silly banter going on there. Was a bit too lazy to go register and try to argue it out. Anyway, this is a fantastic song and I"m looking for the MP3 to play it at the YAM prayer meeting tomorrow.

Will be doing a session tomorrow and have been all worried about it this week - like what if it's boring and dead? And sury's words just come flooding in once again - "it's not the effort". It's God.

It's about letting God use me.. fully. And it's about Speaking from the heart - not the head. It's something I'm still learning to do.

Sadistic!

Thoughts... On ministry: I always have been a bit biased. I thought that when we serve in ministry, we should devote everything to ministry. In YAM people ‘should’ think more about what the ministry should be doing, where God wants us to be, etc. But I learnt recently that God can use us powerfully in each of where we are called, and different people are called to different areas. So some of us may be involved at other areas, but it’s alright. They’re not slacking, nor are they being less committed. As long as they’re still serving God well in other places, it’s alright.

On the latest movie I watched with Pauline tonight – 300 – “Prepare for Glory”: I thought it’s a good movie – worth at least 3.5 stars. But not enough to make it a wholesome story – it was... poignantly mad – glorified violence – artistic gore – egoistically inspiring.. but that makes it an interesting watch. Not enough for a sequel though… but I like it overall.

After the movie -- I realized that I am quite a sadist. I didn’t find the movie too gory – well maybe it’s a bit graphic – but still “withstandable”. It didn't make it out that you’ll feel the physical pain – but rather, feel the tension of what's going to come next. So it’s really an action thing… OH DEAR Sam! Maybe it’s the anime. Hhaha… u know – some of them – fighting scenes.. so it’s none too different…what more those like “gantz” or “tokko”… blood splashing around all day.... hmm…. Typical… oh well… those series.. (maybe it’s ended for all I know.. but well, the plot sucked after a while…also I thought it wasn’t good for me.. bit too graphic if you know what I mean.. so I stopped it.. )

Well, ok I’ll let you in on a secret – when I was in Pri. 2, I recall killing a snail - on purpose!! Talk about ‘mercy’… ok I wanted to see what was inside the snail… and so curiosity killed the snail. I probably felt a bit guilty but the thrill was greater than the guilt. Now am I a sadist or what?

Anyways… other things that’s happened lately:
1. Watched Titoudao last wed. It's Good! Watched it with Mum Dad and friend Anita. But I dun understand Hokkien!

2. I have signed up for the professional cert course at 3Dsense media, in creative web media. Course starts on 7 April. This was not planned, but it’s one of the things that springs up along the road. 3 months of Saturdays.

3. Saturday last – went to St. James but later, supper at bedok simpang was just as nice if not better.

4. That I’ve had Ice Milo past three nights. Today at work it was Ice kopi. Oh dear.. I shall try to swop and drink fruit juice.

5. That I realized that I am enjoying life.. and so I should begin thanking God more each day!

Langkawi pics

As promised! hehe... I've updated this post with some selected pics. There's too many. The rest are going to be on webshots! Can't seem to use the re-arrange pictures function so you may find some wrongly arranged... like day 5 pics before day 3..meanwhile, enjoy them here! :)

Day One - Sunset yoga. This is the first thing we do after reaching Four Seasons Resort Langkawi on the 23 Feb 2007, Friday. The sky is beautiful and doing yoga on the beach is so refreshing... and my first ever yoga (or was it second now..)



Click to enlarge pic:

Tanjong Rhu Beach - at Four Seasons Lankawi. Lovely!

DAY Two - we spend the whole day at Pulau Payar snorkelling... where the fish bite... ouch.. totally traumatising for Van and Me. But Marlene was cool -- diving.. coz big fish don't bite.. oh well...

Later this evening we had dinner at Pern Thye with our newfound friend, TEE, diving instructor. 32 years, boyish, tan, first one that caught Marlene's eye.. heheh! ;)

DAY Three - We spend a lazy day within. Vanessa's flying off this afternoon, so we must of course, make full use of our stay at Four Seasons. We spend the day at the beach, the pool, and a buggy ride tour of the whole place!





Our car: Rented for 330 Ringgit for four days (including 50Ringgit deposit!) So calculate. It's only 10 Bucks per person per day!


After Vanessa left, Marlene and I visit the Cable car. We get stuck at some shops at the Seven Wells waterfall, which is closed as it is a dry season.

At the cable car top. That's a view to behold....


DAY Four? Not much pics.. was spent going for Thai Massage (shiok but very warm leh!), Cenang Beach... and shopping at the Langkawi Fair Parade and getting all the cheep cheep VCDS & DVDs

LAST Day 27 Feb Tues: This morning we did Pool Yoga and made a mess of it.. but after that we had brunch with Freedy (we called him Freddy) - the yogi instructor, up north from Four Seasons. He's so funny, i like him.




Lazing before going out on the Hobbie Craft sail (with the guide of course.. i can't sail for nuts!)



Lazing at the pool before going home... FOUR SEASONS rocks!!

Grace of God

God Will Take Care Of You
lyrics by DAVID PHELPS

Download mp3 here

You don’t say a word, but I know you’re so afraid
Trying hard to take a step of faith
You’re so confused and you’re so alone
Standing face to face with the unknown

Every need you have God already knows about it
Still He longs to hear from you
I believe if you put your trust in Him
That is where the road of faith begins

(Chorus)
Cause if His eye is on the sparrow when it comes to me and you
There is no place He won’t go
And nothing He won’t do
Like a mother cradles a child
His grace covers us somehow
So whatever you go through
God will take care of you

Change is never easy; it’s just part of living
There’s so much more that we can see
A higher place so far above it all
Is ours when we’re faithful to His call

(Bridge)
We don’t know
We don’t have to understand
The how’s, the why’s, the when’s
Give it all to Him


Beautiful song.. which talks to me today ---- "If you put your trust in Him, that is where the road of faith begins".

Beautiful...

Last Sat at our YAM session, Marlene led with a session on 7 teenagers in the bible. It was interesting. We heard about the godly-characteristics of Joseph, Joshua, David, Elisha, Mary, Daniel, Timothy. So interesting. We talked about who we would like to aspire to be like - and I felt I wanted to be like an Elisha/Joshua: Elisha - filial, prophet of grace, love, kindness.. Joshua - bold & courageous, led israelites into a time of faith..

Along the way, we came to a question for each other: "Have you truly felt the awesome presence of God?" I take it further, have we truly felt the awesome "Grace" of God? I believe it's only when we have the following things that will lead us to this experience:

1) Emptied of self -- thru being in a pit, crisis, realising that we have failed, and thus are at our lowest point in life
2) Humbling of our pride - to bow down to the realisation that God is there for us, despite our not having acknowledged him in all our ways.
3) Accepting of His forgiveness - realising that God is able to forgive all our sins. If we don't believe that, we don't believe God is ultimately good.

Then again, God can work in may other ways. Certainly not just these 3 ways...

Whatever the case, I tell you.. the experience is magnifying. It magnifies God by thousands and minimises us into nothingness. You'll feel eternally grateful, loved, treasured. The grace of God is powerful - it makes us ashamed of our evil deeds and our sinful selves - and gives us conviction to change our ways. It inspires us to love God even more. Because the Grace of God is God's Love washing over us.

Now then, u know where the song "Amazing Grace" came from - it's sung from a person who feels like a "wretch" being saved by God. That is Grace.

We are being saved each day. Do we work towards salvation or against God's priceless gift - already given to us?

The Pursuit of HappYness

Saw this movie today. It's a beautiful show and I recommend everyone to watch it. Very real, very positive, very good characters in the show. I love the sense of willpower and determination you get from Will Smith, who acts as Chris Gardner in the pursuit of 'happyness'.

It's great food for thought - happiness - it's indeed, one of the ultimate human goals. Everyone seeks to be happy, fulfilled, successful, loved, whatever. How do we define happy? What if our definition of happiness is narrower that it should be?

People feel happy when things are going easy. Or when people love them. On the contrary, they feel unhappy - because of so many things also: people, career, love, relationships, self-loathe, etc.

God always intends for us to find our joy not in the things of this world, - but in His very being. That's why he says, if we try to gain this life, we will lose it - if we lose this life, we will gain a life forever in Him. He says - delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4). He also says, the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

Thinking of all these, gives me no more room to feel unhappy with ANYTHING at all!

Maybe I could be unhappy with some worldly things, but these won't last forever. On the contrary, certain things like living a righteous and holy life seeking the Will of God and being an instrument of Love towards others and speaker of the Good News of God --> may not be so nice - or "happy" on this earth - but it will give us eternal life with HIM in heaven. So then, what do we choose to be happy with?

Would we be happy if we had everything this world could give? Or if we had that nice branded bag? or if we had that luxurious car? or that handsome boyfriend?

Not too sure about that... i haven't got it yet.

But I already know the answer --- No.

Why we are unhappy with ourselves or lives, is precisely because we are chasing everything this world has to offer - only to find that we either can't get it, or that we've got it but it's not the answer to our lack of happiness.

We lack constantly. Love, money, fulfillment, purpose...

Just a week or two ago I was in a 'crisis'. I was wondering about my 'purpose'.

Maybe a friend or two (you know who you are) have their own crises too.... so the question is: Where do we put our priorities, identity, goals, in this life? Rather, HOW should we live our life?

These are huge questions that I can't seem to find the answer anywhere.

But deep inside me I know I had found the answer --- in Christ. When I realised Jesus truly exists and died for me and wants me to know that I am always loved, never alone, and always watched out for by the ONE who is truly in control - God,... I knew my answer in this whole universe is JESUS alone.

So I know it. Next, is living it out. That's the tough bit.

Well I hope if anyone is still wondering what is the meaning to their life - that they would ask God - the creator of life. And not just ask in a cynical way - that they would search - and truly search for God in this entire universe. because God states in the bible: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)

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Anyways... What a great movie weekend... Yesterday I watched Paris Je'Taime after the prayer meet at OLOL. Great show too. I liked some of the bits but got lost at some parts. All the same, it was lovely, so french, so whimsical.

Was playing guitar for the group there at Our Lady of Lourdes (OLOL). It's such a privilege to play music for people to worship God. I am thankful for the opportunity, though Bro Emmanuel's talk on confession / repentance hasn't enough to move me to action yet.

Love has to be the motivating factor why we return to God and seek his forgiveness for our sins. But where's the line between love and fear? We may just return to God because of fear - of missing out - of eternal hell. Or because we have been required to. Or taught to. When I do go for confession, it shall be the time that is right --- then.

So then... I thank God for the week... that Jac has finally passed her driving test!... for Langkawi.... (still haven't got the pics out!!!).... for family, friends, job, life, and i just want to love and let myself be loved more. I'm waiting to see how God can surprise me even further.... He's already surprised me by giving me a very inspiring thought just yesterday morning - The thought that "I'm Free" and that my sins are forgiven.

Today then, I was hearing my audio adrenaline CD and then a song also inspired me --- it said -
"Your sins are forgotten / They're on the bottom / Of the ocean floor"

Lyrics: http://www.jesusfreakhideout.com/lyrics/OceanFloor.asp


So then, I leave today's blog feeling light, breezy, happy, blessed, thankful for His abundant Grace washing over me and cleansing me thru, making me feel as pure and white as snow and I can begin again - another new day of life..

SunBurnt dreaming!

Man... i've been "chao da"-ed in Langkawi. But it's nice being tan once again. Maybe this will be a motivating factor to 'remain' tan (aka more outdoor sports!?!)

Langkawi trip was fantastic! The company, resort and time was just great. But what I wanted to blog about now is my dreams... I've been a bit aimless (lost focus) in the past month... so maybe I shall settle with some goals to look forward to and motivate myself.

This year - I want to:
Catch more of the Singapore Arts Festival - been missing it for few years already!!!
Get a new job sometime (dunno when and what)
Visit Sydney-Melbourne
Organise the Revival Seminar for YAM-OLPS
Learn Japanese proper
Paint more
Train up for a trekking trip
Join an orchestra? SLO or Philharmonic Orchestra? (can make it or not?!?!)

Next year:
Visit Nepal-Tibet
Visit Japan