Depressing Thoughts

It is depressing when we get thoughts about how one's work has not been good enough, compared to all those excellent stuff out there.

Let's face it - i don't think i'm cut out for competition. It sux. Trying to outdo the other... i complete sux at it.

In the working world, that's where I fail to. To be No.1, one must have a competitive spirit. And i believe I have none.

I just want - peace and harmony - like my disc test shows.

Truly, it is a very very very difficult thing. What am I cut out to do and where can I work best? I really question myself.

I wanna try doing art once again.. it's like a place where no one can touch you... on one can say it is ugly, because in art, to each his own. My art is my art. No one can say it isn't art.... it is defined by the artist. Or perhaps, the wannabe.

I don't want to do things where there are standards to meet... maybe it's a fear of failure... not meeting the standard..

And i do believe that that fear is ingrained in so many of us in our academic-based society of singapore...

It's seriously crippling... i can't feel free... i can't feel happy because i'm always falling short of 'a standard'.

And that's where, i believe my ultimate dream in life will have to lead me to. A place where i can continue to strive, be useful, rather than have to produce results because I found that when I am required to produce results, I balk.

In other words, all the above, is my self-given stress..

sigh...

If i were to just stop thinking, then of course, all is good.. .everything is nice and happy,.... u know what i mean ;) hehe.

Cheers!

Reminder to walk in faith!

I walk by faith
Each step by faith
To live by faith
I put my trust in You
I wallk by faith
Each step by faith
To live by faith
I put my trust in You

Every step I take
Is a step of faith
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
And every prayer I make
Is a prayer of faith
And if my God is for me
Who can be against me

Cool OP & ENDings & New Favs..

Stuff by Yui, SID, Arashi.. wahh.. silly me ... how old already still can get crazed over these..


coool.. but sheesh the white shirt-coat and scarf thing is something i could wear.. guffaws.. very typically japanese..


And the latest fav from the j-drama Maou -- Truth by Arashi.. check out the violin parts around 3:17.... woohoo.. - their lead singer, "rii-daa" is really good in the drama.. v impressed with his acting for his first drama.


ANd i could not resist to post this up -- Rie fu's Tsukiakari - in a violin version by a "scream" dressed guy wahahaha.. is this for halloween or what! ;)

Argh... lousy ending

I quote "sammie chan" (ahaha note the similar name)'s review on Pandora Hearts --

"Pandora Hearts would be what I’d call enjoyable to watch given the condition that you haven’t read the manga. Otherwise, it’s a bit of disappointment. Oh wait, scratch that – it’s a disappointment regardless of the manga. The ending is UNBELIEVABLY ‘WHAT…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! Why…why would you put Daddy-Oz as the last brick wall for Oz to jump over?! I personally think that this course of action is despicable and an insult to Pandora Hearts. For something so creative as its plot, they should have put it in a manner where it makes a second season possible, regardless of whether or not a sequel would take place. Point is, an implication for a sequel would make viewers ask for more and would therefore leave somewhat of a good impression. But noooo, they didn’t do that; they instead pulled an ending from the Abyss and haphazardly cut-and-pasted it to the anime. Couple it with the bad animation quality and the fact that there’s insufficient development between Oz and Alice; and what you’d get is a potentially good series gone horribly wrong.




So true.

Dang! I really did like the characters and plot at the beginning too.... such a disappointment!

2 songs which touched me today!

Lord, I pray I may come to you like a child, without the tainted eyes that we have grown accustomed to have...

Feelings are not "it"

It's been some time since I blogged proper sentences.. haha... well today might not really be one of it.. But the point of my post today is to say that sometimes feelings are not "it".

I felt so many things over the last 2 days when I got sick... couldn't go to work... I felt worried, guilty, anxious, sad, etc. Moreover, over the last few days I got a call for an interview. It's ok to tell now, because i know my decision. But I felt another bout of feelings - a bit of hope, a bit of desire for more challenge, yet also a desire for comfort, friends (yes my colleagues around me are my friends) - and a desire to loyally see through the projects that I am currently doing.

So then, what do i make of the experience? with feelings that take us up and down, high and low, I can only say that it is NOT the way to go. Today, i woke up fresh and level-headed, and in a good mind to pray and seek God. And i feel peace. And I also know that with FAITH, I can overcome all these trials. not feelings.

I therefore choose to walk with Faith.

I believe that my decision is right. I believe that GOd is always for me. With that, I am at peace.

Dream of Car and Sand Dunes?!

Heh... i remember my dream this morning... just the end of it... In the dream, I was sitting in the backseat of the car, and thinking, ok let me be driven this time, take a break. Ahehe.. and then I saw Sand Dunes around on the ground and the car was navigating through it.

That was quite obvious so i remembered it, but I think there were many more items in the dream but i only remember the last part, i.e. the car and the sand. So I went to dreammoods.com which is my favourite place to dwell in dream-discussion... hahaaaa.

And I saw these explanations, and it is quite interesting, some of it is true enough!

Car
To dream that you are driving a car, denotes your ambition, your drive and your ability to navigate from one stage of your life to another. Consider how smooth or rough the car ride is. If you are driving the car, then you are taking an active role in the way your life is going. However, if you are the passenger, then you are taking a passive role. If you are in the backseat of the car, then it indicates that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over. This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Overall, this dream symbol is an indication of your dependence and degree of control you have on your life.

Sand
To see sand in your dream, signifies a shift in perspective or a change in your attitude. Consider the familiar phrase, "the sands of time" in which it may be suggesting that you are wasting your time or letting time pass you by.

Sand Dunes
To see a sand dune in your dream, signifies your desires to be sheltered from the bitterness of reality.

Cool Photography!

Thought of a tagline for this photo that I came across, by chema madoz. His works are creative and cool, using B/W imagery. Really astounding.



my tagline: "Life is a gift, don't let it melt away... "

hmm..... so it means we have got to taste it... the coolness of LIFE. hahaha!

---

Let's try another one:



my tagline:
"Sometimes we need a little flame to break through our wooden minds.."

Ok this is not so sharp. Bit long... bleah.

Anyway.... tagline writing is fun. Do you have any?

Journey 2009

Yay! Just came back from the NTU String Orchestra concert - Journey 2009! It's been a fabulous journey indeed, since 2005 when it started till now! Yet another concert by the NTU SO!

Each time we meet up either alumni or current members, we are bonded by that common desire to play and hear good music. It's such a wonderful thing, for everyone in a community to have a common goal and passion. A vision.. a love... a desire.

That is something that will keep me going back year after year after year. It's been like 10 years now in the String ensemble/orchestra community, though we don't play much as alumni, it's just a really wonderful thing. And so hearing that the next concert will be in March 2011, everyone of us is like... "Aw" when are we going to meet up again? 1.5 years later? Oh gosh!

With all these yearnings to meet up and play together, I am compelled to start up something for the East-side string ppl since it's so hard to travel to NTU.

Then again, it's always a question of commitment and priorities. Do i have the time? Shucks... and when we get into the drone of daily living again, the hype will die down for yet another year to go. Sigh.

But i always believe that where there's a will there's a way. THis is something that i can do while I still can do, so why not do it now... because if i don't, I will probably not do it anymore when I am not able to. Right?

There's so many choices in life... sometimes... it's hard to choose... we want everything... but there's only so much we can afford, spend, commit - to.

And it so happens that everything i love to do - is something like a "hobby" which only takes up time, money and effort. And i really wonder sometimes whether this is the right way to live. While other people are worrying and racking their brains on how to survive, make money, build up wealth, everything I do is nothing towards that direction. Or maybe God already knows it and pre-programmed me this way?

Or is this just a result of laziness or too good an environment and hard-working parents that give me the luxury to do what I want, when I want, without worrying about the future?

But I do still worry.

So well, if this is my path in life, perhaps I ought to live it to the fullest. If i am to serve, I will serve. If i am to give, I will give. If I am to do so called "useless-things" for the sake of others, e.g. serve in youth ministry, or play in string (which are all so called "voluntary" activities) - i shall do it. After all, those are not "work" but to me, it is "play". And when we "play" we are most creative. The human is freed when in the state of "play".

Isn't it? And that's why i enjoy it so much....

My resolve of today's reflection - is to PLAY harder, and to be an instrument to allow others to PLAY more, relax, destress...

Art or music therapy.... sounds good?
;)

Cheers!