The absolute light of God's love

Just want to type this thought out before I forget it. I'm not going to phrase it well, so if this sounds like rambling or bad English, just ignore it and try to understand the context / reflection hehe! ;)

The love God has for us is so pure. Like white light.... and in the world that we know, who can understand such love? Therefore we shun him and put God on waiting mode. We reserve His love for the time when we die... our time is now on earth and we only need God when it's time to die. But truthfully - we need God now and every moment of our waking life, in order to live Life to the fullest...some people don't need God now, but there will be a point where they find that they do. For me, my weakness is ever constantly beside me, such that I find that I need God every moment of my life... and yet I shun the light... it's too bright. Can anyone explain this? It's a struggle between accepting the love that He has for us. Does this mean I don't love myself enough to allow God to love me fully - weaknesses and all?