Wolf Rain Ending theme

Ending theme for this anime called Wolf's Rain -- Gravity by Maaya Sakamoto. This song is so "poignant"... Awww.... Just love the violins-orchestral part at the end...

http://www.auburnskye.com/audio/Maaya%20Sakamoto%20Gravity.mp3

View Lyrics:

been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

Teach me to number my days...

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You turn men back to dust saying 'Return to dust, O sons of men.'
You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like new grass in the morning ---
though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.
All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.
The length of our days is seventy years - or eighty,
if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass and we fly away....
Teach us to number our days aright that we might gain a heart of wisdom."

(Psalm 90:1-3,5-6, 9-10, 12)

My colleagues

The mktg team rawks man! we're always colour coordinated.. haha!

L-R: Jenny, Serena, Patricia (PA), Effa, Ken, Kaz, Lenny, Sean!

And there's our whole team!

My prayer

Dear God, Thank You for blessing me!

It is such a joy to be used by You. It is an honour to be asked to help others to pray or to lead in worship. It is a sign of assurance that you are working through me and that you'll equip me as I say YES to someone else's prayer. My heart is full. I rejoice and have a smile on my face, for spiritual blessings are the best kind.

Yes, You bless me physically and meet all my needs and I so appreciate that, but there is just something special and eternal about spiritual blessings. They lift me up and encourage me to "keep on keeping on."

Thank You Father, in Jesus' name, amen.

Evangelion is not for me...

I was looking at my previous posts and it looks as if I'm in a really weird state of mind... you can't really tell when i'm happy.. or sad.. or anything. For that matter.. I find sometimes that I also delude myself from my real feelings. What is reality?

I think it's not good to watch too much anime (uhm. some people would nod their heads). Okay not all anime, but particularly Neon Genesis Evangelion. Gosh it really gets to you and garbles your brain up. Ok it's late, it's 1am and i'm probably not really coherent by now. Then again, people go out clubbing till 2 or 3 plus booze and all.. so i'm pretty sane. Geesh.. this anime - of which i only happened to watch 1 episode (the last one) is so bizarre... truly bizarre... after watching (and catching no head or tail) i'm like.. disgusted, confused and wondering.. so??

Another of those animes that truly confound. For those who never knew christianity, this anime puzzles further, taking christian terms and elements and warping them altogether into one mish mash of a story. PS: Simon if you ever read this post.. i agree with you that I won't be liking this anime much.. hah.. geesh!!

Meanwhile... my post today is about 'Searching'. I think we're all searching... for something - whether it be love, success, fame, money, identity, belonging, security.. back to maslow's hierarchy of needs. My take is that we are never satisfied.

Even if we've completed the basic needs for food & shelter, there's still the next level of needs - belonging, relationships, job, achievements.. moving on to the highest ranks of self actualisation. Perhaps that's how people derive their sense of purpose and existence. That's a pretty high rank of need that not everyone can live to really fulfill. Even our personal goals - "to live a life of fulfilment" and "to live life to the fullest" banks on that basic need of self-actualisation.

Yet, I find that's totally in the natural. Natural mind, natural world, human thoughts, human mind. It's purely logical. Anyone can understand it.

And yet, I think (or rather, i know) i am searching. For the divine. Perhaps, all men are searching for the divine. That's what Christianity says. There's a void in our hearts that only God can fill.... we are made for Him and Him alone. I think and I feel in my heart - how so true it is. Even if i did everything i dreamed I wanted to do.. i am still not truly fulfilled. I am still lost.. there's still dark areas in my life. Only God can fill this wretched hole. Perhaps, that's how the song amazing grace came about. We are lost but found by God. Yet we like to remain lost.

Anyway, the other day while walking home, I thought of the word poignant. It means to me, beautiful and sad. And i think the word itself is beautiful. I can think of the music accompanying a setting like that. But as much as I do, it really means ---- sad. saad.... WHY AM I SO SAD? ok i seem to be going through a terrible mood swing.. the other day i was frustrated and now i'm sad?

Please do note, that my life aint' entirely frustrating and sad. I'm pretty much happy most of the time... very much so - but I blog about things that really make me think. So yeah.. this is what makes me think...

The very existence of our being... why? what for? Do we disappear into nothingness and be reborn at the end of our life? I don't believe that. So then.. it must be true that there's a heaven and hell and an eternal reality with God. or not.

SO THEN... if God is real... we'd think --> what must we do to earn that place with Him? certainly that's how a lot of people think. Some don't bother and say they dont' believe in God in the first place. But that doesn't change anything. Rather, they're on their way to a life without God and who knows what... For those who believe - it could be in various forms. Various half-truths.

We do not have to work for that place in heaven by being too good. Sometimes, we are only too good, so that we 'save' ourselves from losing face,... etc. So is that really good after all?

I rest assured in the Christian message - that in our most sinful moments, it is the time of greatest Grace. Jesus came to bear all the sins of the world, so that we may be freed from the power of death and be assured of eternal life. How awesome is that.

Ok after typing and thinking more of God... the effects of Evangelion is wearing off.. I'm more sane now. I believe.... that God actually fulfills our greatest needs - the need for a saviour. The need for hope - for a future.. the need for a sense of understanding of our very existence in the world. And as I type this.. I'm feeling extremely poignant.. like how great is it that I have this knowledge or point of view. And also a bit vulnerable... surely people will attack me - saying how stupid and how overly-spiritual I am.

Oh well. I think i've weathered enough trials - to know my faith in God is real.


And moving on... let's talk about something more positive:

- This Saturday, I'm going to be an animator at OLPS Youth Mass. Talk about moving out of our comfort zones. When I said yes to God, I never dared to expect this. Think of me up on stage leading everyone to sing 3 p&w songs... of which my voice sounds really bad in (Jesus you are my best friend is not the easiest song to sing!!!) AHHHHHH!!!! God help me!

- Oil Painting & Hip Hop lessons! --> Are absolutely fantastic. Develops the art and dance side of me. so now i have Music, Art & Dance... it's truly a M.A.D. World! What's missing is Exercise.. Maybe hip hop can join the ranks of exercise? I'm truly aching now...


Lesson 1: Composition & Tone

- New string lobang for November. I just realised that quoting the couple $500 is really too little. SHIZER!! That means $100 each. Sounds good, but the amount of practice times (plus all the cab i'll have to take to upper serangoon) just wipes it out and goes negative even. Ok i exaggerate. But how to re-quote now? Was just sounded out by pauline that we actually played for Christina Ong's daughter's wedding... -- That's super big. We can actually ask for more. Sigh.. Sam.. you're not really a businesswoman. Not one bit!

- Lastly.... some new dreams (once again, conflicting with my views earlier on how dreams still dun fulfill us -- but i'd say, they help make life more fun) --> VIDEO EDITING! And longer-term dreams ---> Learn a new instrument.. or brush up on the guitar with proper classical guidance. Others would be: other dance like ballroom, salsa, (after hip hop which i dunno how long i'll need to learn well). Even more --> to learn better Flash, PHP, and even wilder--> to move into music composition --> It's been also another dream to compose songs for a musical. YeS a musical. And back to video.. I never realised about it. But i once thought of doing a video to demonstrate the human's deepest weakness and God's loving kindness. How to do that eh?

Ok well.. what about writing a book? (ok i'm still stuck with my copywriting manual at work so I realise writing a book is pretty difficult)...

sigh.. i could simply go on and on.

ok it's pretty a long post being all about myself. I better stop the rant now. I just want to get to a new level of self-awareness and comfort, peace, and freedom. Jesus reigns!

Whom do I trust? for the trusting.. whom do we trust?

why do doctors say it's all just the hormones and not what you eat or put on your face.. and why do facial ladies insist its all about the products you use and the food you eat? whom do we believe? the facial ladies - who are simply out to make a quick buck? or the doctors - who's antibiotics doesn't seem all too healthy for the long run? we can be skeptical about the doctors - but willing to pay loads of money for the facial people.. and what about the spirituals who say God heals and we don't have to rely on antibiotics, or expensive facials so we can just throw away those stuff and exercise our faith. I have tried everything. but i believe i gave up halfway for each time. why? because no one believes in it. i try one thing... it doesn't work, change. Change. Change. change. how many treatments have I tried? all not lasting more than a year? once a year. Yup. since god knows when. I'm just so frustrated.

Shared Services and Outsourcing Network Blog

Shared Services and Outsourcing Network Blog

REality?

Where is the real me? What does God demand of us as followers? Sometimes we think that people need to appreciate our work to give it meaning and purpose. But from what I have found out, God doesn't want that - us depending on others for approval - coz only He gives the real assurance of salvation. And yet, we look to people for support instead of God.

But isn't this only natural? turning to each other - fellowship - perhaps, it's not mutually exclusive. We need to turn to each other because LOVE is the presiding christian trait that should exist among all of us as God's children. But we need to turn First to God.

Audrey's sharing of the verse in Isaiah 43:4 simply comfounds me. I am puzzled by God's immense love for me. I know He loves me so much - but I can only feel it at sporadic moments. Perhaps I am so ruled by my head that my heart cannot feel?

Rather, I think it's more that I am discouraged by what I see around me. Lost and hurting people. My own weaknesses. The ever daunting quest to be 'somebody' in this world. or to matter to anyone. or to make a scene. or to make some sort of mark in history.

I question why is there a power struggle - in all mankind - the struggle to save face - the struggle to be somebody - the struggle to live a worthy life -

What if i didn't do any of that at all?

Is this simply a self defeatist mindset?

Yes, which brings to mind - the christian 'battleground' is really internal as well - how much we battle with our negative mindsets.

And so i wonder - all these quests and projects that I have set up for myself. Are they pleasing to the Lord after all? or are they just self-erected sacred pillars that I have placed in my life - to be considered good and holy - yet still not being truly really holy and right with God.

Perhaps, this is what it really means - that Man and God are indeed 'separated' and in order to Seek God, we truly need to die to ourselves. That we do not live for ourselves, but for God. That everything I do I do it unto God.

C'est La Vie

I've been taking a backseat the last week.. really thanks to Marlene for stepping up and planning this saturday's session at YAM... I really praise the Lord! Just when I was going to doubt that God really provides, he really provides. Isn't it funny?

And well.. came across Dotz's blog again.. and in it she writes something that strikes me. She says --> "what makes me somebody?" i feel like i'm learning that now. in a whole new light.

Similarly I find that I am still still still only just beginning to discover the real me. THe real me. How to put it even more explicitly --.. the real me! Who dares to live up to her dreams. But bear in mind.. it's a start.

And so-- it's been a really crazy week -- staying up pretty late the past few days doing the OLPS Youth e-newsletter.. but i had lots of fun doing it -- only that when i sent it out the pictures don't appear in yahaoo emails. Not too sure for hotmail or gmail. Sigh... yet another mistake.

But talking about emails... At work... tis is quite a testimonial. I have been simply working normally and conscientiously at my job as copy editor at IQPC. But this job scope has been evolving ever since Day one. And it's been evolving in a way that gives me challenge and continues to grow according to my strengths. Now i am in charge of community build -- aka... online community, e-newsletters, website revamp and driving content, sourcing articles, maintaining a blog, writing and producing post event reports. Exactly what i have been doing at ministry and in my own past time. I see God at work here once again.... God's favour. God's blesisngs. God's ultimate love for me in providing me this path, this job, and allowing me to discover myself slowly as I work here.. and get a firm footing and feeling of security. I just really really really thank God. I mean... I didn't plan this. I didn't foresee this. Only God could have led me here. Isn't it? iT's not simply - good luck - It's God's greatness working in my life - despite my shortcomings.

Next point is that ---->>> I FINALY did my pedicure!!! I love it!!!

And Final point is --> I'm going to sign up for an Oil Painting Class at NAFA! 8weeks.. at night. YIPPEE... it's one of my dreams...

And the really last point is about Zion's Joy - this youth group at IHM Church. Got to know the group last week at Fr. Gino's leadership retreat and was invited to their gathering on Sunday night for world cup... at 10pm, the night had barely begun. I reached there around 11pm, and stayed till 2am... just when the world cup started (but i was really drowsy by then heh). And man, i took back many things from them -- lessons on Fellowship; Community; Hospitability; Perseverance (after hearing their history all the way till since 1999-2000). We gathered at wilfred's house, and a bunch of them were watching VCD while others were at mahjong and yet another bunch were having currychicken and other food in the kitchen. Really close, cosy and warm. I watched the mahjong. THen midway, the core team actually had their meeting.. from 11plus to 2am! SERIOUS! They showed me what 'discipline' was... and how a ministry needs that kind of discipline and fervour (of every member) to be able to plan things and move further ahead. THey have the drive - they have the leaderhsip - and they have people who are keen to serve. YET, they also told me that they had their down times when there were only less than 10 members in the group. Now it's like 20-30 pple, with talents in all areas - music, media... etc.

SO i'm very very inspired by them. Strong bunch, close, same vision... same passion, good work style. Not too laid back, able to enjoy, while work togeher in harmony. WOW...

And so i sign off today... feeling really tired.. but thankful for every minute and every thing that 's happening. I'm still only just beginning to re-search God again in my life- that prayer time, prayer life and that relationship with Him...

Fire Conference on 1 July!

Hey as i promised. Some pics.. but these aren't the Taiwan pics.. except the water haha... the Taiwan pics are here at my webbie.. www.auburnskye.com.

The water from Taipei :)


Splendid sky taken last Saturday 1 July on my mama penny's birthday! It was littered with balloons from the nearby SYFOC at the National Stadum. The pic was taken on my walk towards the Indoor Stadium for the Fire Conference. Yes, i always have time to admire the sky.



The whole place was so packed that I had to park my car like 35 mins walk away. I was seriously pissed by the time I reached the stadium.

And I was also tired.. so I was asleep almost half the night! Pity, cos you seldom get to hear the world-reknown evangelist Reinhard Bonnke, who has touched millions of people in Africa!!! ARGH! Why did I sleep!



But the rally was fabulous all the same.. I knew God was speaking to me somehow.. When I stood up for prayer, I felt God saying to me - You are Not alone. ANd I was deeply comforted. I was brought back to a particular moment in my young days like 4-5 years old? where I remember acutely the feeling of being alone. Back then, i had my beloved pink panther and bugs bunny for comfort... BUt who knows behind those simple toys, was a serious feeling of loneliness - even as a little kid! So no wonder God has to work so deeply in me, bringing me slowly back back back so that healing takes place and I am freed to serve Him more! Praise the Lord!