REality?

Where is the real me? What does God demand of us as followers? Sometimes we think that people need to appreciate our work to give it meaning and purpose. But from what I have found out, God doesn't want that - us depending on others for approval - coz only He gives the real assurance of salvation. And yet, we look to people for support instead of God.

But isn't this only natural? turning to each other - fellowship - perhaps, it's not mutually exclusive. We need to turn to each other because LOVE is the presiding christian trait that should exist among all of us as God's children. But we need to turn First to God.

Audrey's sharing of the verse in Isaiah 43:4 simply comfounds me. I am puzzled by God's immense love for me. I know He loves me so much - but I can only feel it at sporadic moments. Perhaps I am so ruled by my head that my heart cannot feel?

Rather, I think it's more that I am discouraged by what I see around me. Lost and hurting people. My own weaknesses. The ever daunting quest to be 'somebody' in this world. or to matter to anyone. or to make a scene. or to make some sort of mark in history.

I question why is there a power struggle - in all mankind - the struggle to save face - the struggle to be somebody - the struggle to live a worthy life -

What if i didn't do any of that at all?

Is this simply a self defeatist mindset?

Yes, which brings to mind - the christian 'battleground' is really internal as well - how much we battle with our negative mindsets.

And so i wonder - all these quests and projects that I have set up for myself. Are they pleasing to the Lord after all? or are they just self-erected sacred pillars that I have placed in my life - to be considered good and holy - yet still not being truly really holy and right with God.

Perhaps, this is what it really means - that Man and God are indeed 'separated' and in order to Seek God, we truly need to die to ourselves. That we do not live for ourselves, but for God. That everything I do I do it unto God.