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 Campus Crusade for Christ's annual 3-day retreat. Went for 2 night sessions out of 3. And today's talk was particularly bland - i figured i knew it all. Perhaps. Head knowledge. The topic was --- freedom from fear. Then came the prayer part. The worship team led us to reflect on the fears we had.. and i was thinking, Lord, tell me what are mine? i know they're there but i just can't put a finger to what exactly it is. Then i remembered 3 fears. and 3 instances in my life, that got me reflecting. After this, we were called to give up these fears and not to hold onto them any longer but give it up to Jesus. So i did that. And back home now.. not feeling much different, but i know that in time to come, God will transform and renew my mind! Amen! Here's a very nice verse to show how Great God's love is:From the book of Wisdom of Solomon 11:21 - 26"You can show your great power any time you wish, and no one can stand up against it. In your sight, the whole world is a grain of sand, barely heavy enough to tip a pair of scales, a drop of dew on the ground in the morning. You are powerful enough to do anything, but you are merciful to everyone; you overlook our sins and give us time to repent. (THANK YOU LORD!) You love everything that exists; you do not despise anything that you have made. If you had not liked it, you would not have made it in the first place. How could anything last, if you did not want it to? How could it endure, if you had not created it? You have allowed it all to exist O Lord, because it is yours, and you love every living thing."
 Like a friend who passed this card to me, i'm passing this to you. Pass it on. We are all going through a journey of life.. hopefully on the way, we get to experience joy. Hope you get to experience more joy and more release from past hurts so you can start afresh! :) God Luvs You!
X'mas is here. 1 week ahead of hols, but plenty of work to do to prepare for the new year. As usual, my worry wartness sets in.. and as I dream of enjoying the week ahead, i also worry of the time when it will come to an end knowing that 1 week can fly past in a blink of an eye. Nevertheless, I go ahead to make my new year resolutions. I find myself filled with a new and rising hope.. though slowly, edging its way along.. along an upward slope facing the new year. I've always had the dream of living life to the fullest. What does it mean? To me, it means, that if my life ended tomorrow, how would I live today? I'd live in FULL praise of God and as a TESTIMONY to his Goodness. That's how i'd like to live. I don't think it means fulfilling MY desires, rather HIS. It's not about pleasure. It's about living my pains and joys BOTH to the fullest --- trusing in God despite my weaknessess --- living it up and being joyful because i know I'm going back to HIM soon! ANd if everyday, i can feel like I'm so close to HIM, i'd be happy. I'd be fulfilled. Truly. That's what it really means. Praise the Lord. Merry X'mas! 
This message is specially for Audrey.. special broadcast hehehe! Anyways, Audrey it has been a joy to know you and receive you back as a member in Youth Arise Ministry. and I'm full of thanks for God! Thanks for sharing with me what you shared today, coz it was really touching and inspiring, and i feel great to be able to share in your experiences and to even know what you've been through the past few years! Hope you continue to live up your faith as you do now and keep learning and seeking Him! Meanwhile, you're young and just 21! So young! Have an enjoyable year ahead being young and being 21! It's really a year to be remembered! Thanking God for you... God BLess, Sam
Aozora no namida - Tears of the Blue Sky
Hitomi Takahashi
Opening Theme from Blood+
Futarikiri kurayamino naka
Kimi no namida no imi wo shitta
Nekau basho fumidashita kedo
Dare mo kizutsuketaku nakute
Umi wo wataru kaze wa kyou mo
Mayowazuni ashita ni mukau no ni
Kokoro wa doushita ugokidasenai
Donna unmei ga matteiru n darou?
Kuyamitakunai yo umareta koto
Kanashimi no naka ni yuuki ga aru
Kagayaki tsukamu to shinjiteiru
Furishikiru aozora no namida
Itsunohika egao ni kaeru you
Alone together in the darkness
I learned the meaning of your tears
I've taken a step toward my destination
But I don't want to hurt anyone.
Today the wind that blows over the ocean
Once again heads unhesitatingly toward tomorrow
So why can't my heart begin to move?
What destiny awaits me?
I don't want to regret being born
There is courage with my sadness
I believe I can grab that sparkle
Tears pour down from a clear blue sky
Someday they'll change into a smile
Somehow this opening theme for the anime Bloodplus is thrilling.. so full of angst.. sadness, yet a pressing faith and hope in tomorrow. It just strikes a chord with me. Not like I'm angsty or sad for that matter, but sometimes, when life gets challenging, this is what I do feel. It's easy to give up, but hard to press on and fight.
Yet this anime talks about a girl who has no choice but to fight for that is what she was created for. Somehow it relates to the Christian life when we are called to Fight the good fight of faith and persevere to the finish line.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Corinthians 4:17)
Attending the Youth in the Spirit Seminar (YISS) over the recent weekend was phenomenal. Although I was not really a participant but helping out in the camp, it was like I needed the healing and outpouring sessions for myself. On Sun, I CRIED like so much... I asked God why despite having nothing to worry about, I was suffering, felt fearful, lonely, lack of support, lack of purpose and why life felt so tough. I couldn't even sit in during the sessions and went down to the adoration room to cry it all out.
Amazingly, during that time, sitting before the Lord, reading through Psalms like chapter 30 till 60 or something.. I had a vision of a row of armor suits on the step before me. These belong to my youth ministry, but it is all lying there, waiting for the soldiers to put them on before going into battle. And I felt the Lord saying to me: Fight! Put on your armor!
And I realised, that I was so weak because I had not put on the Armor of Christ: the breastplate of faith, helmet of salvation, sword of the word of God, belt of truth, shoes of readiness to spread the good news (being a true witness).
So, come Monday, suddenly I felt equipped. NO trace of sadness. NO trace of hopelessness. NO trace of loneliness. NO trace of fear. Instead, full of joy, hope, peace, love, and readiness to spread the WORD!
Praise God.
Praise God.
Praise God.
And if there's one thing i'll want to say, it's that Faith spreads. When a person is in consolation with God (relationship is right), there IS A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE! I am feeling it for myself in this week.. the last 2 days have been so terrifically different from the last 2 months! Praise the Lord for renewing my soul. And this is only the beginning of a long journey ahead to know HIM even more.
"Your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring. All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering....This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed." (2 Thessalonians 1:3-5, 7-10)
Do not give up!
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:7-9)
haha.. it's so funny - japanese grammar is just way beyond my understanding... For example: "When you need this please tell me" in jap would be "You this need when please me tell please" HAHAHA! But i'm still interested in this subject.. blame it on japanese anime!
It's 7:30pm and my latest day in office. Yes i know some people will kill me on hearing this.. well.. That's why i like working here at IQPC.. pretty much great working hours! (man i sound like a slacker..) I just hope it doesn't increase too much next year when my workload gets heavier - or so i think it will.. heh.. (i sound more like a slacker again..! hahah!) I guess.. next year.. i am gonna prepare for a heavy workload: work - more more more stuff happening next year and i might just get busy! crosses fingers... personal - gym, facial, yes all the girly what nots...believe it or not! plus personal quiet time church - youth group (youth arise ministry) (big chunk of time), olps orchestra, saccre youth committee what else? I must really really remind myself that i need to have time for friends, family and a social life. Oh gosh. please remind me if i don't. :) Anyway, my prayer today: (taken from www.churchgrowthmail.org) Today's PrayerDecember 8, 2005
Dear God, my soul waits silently for You alone, for my expectation is from You. You are my rock and my salvation: You are my defense; I shall not be moved. In You is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in You, God. I trust in You at all times, and pour out my heart before You. You are a refuge for me ( based on Psalm 62:5-8). Thank You. In Jesus' name I pray and praise You, amen. No Manna StoresTGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow My instructions." - Exodus 16:4When God took the nation of Israel through the desert, there was one thing the people simply could not do outside of God alone: They could not provide for themselves. They could not plant. They could not harvest. They could not manufacture. It was a place and time where nothing but complete dependence was the rule. God gave manna one day at a time. The manna spoiled the day after, so they could never store it. They could not go to the manna store to get more. They couldn't start a manna business to capitalize on all the free manna. I can tell you from personal experience that when God takes you to the desert, there is nothing you can do to change it until He wants to change it, so do not strive against God in the desert place.
There is a difference being happy or sad. And it is so related to being satisfied in the Lord - if you see my previous blog entry - It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, good looking or not good looking. It's a matter of courage and acceptance. Facing up to reality. Accepting God's creation - accepting yourself for all your weaknesses and faults and not being too hard on one's self. It's a matter of facing reality and striving to make best of what you can in your life - and to have HOPE in the Lord. And it shines out. Today, i awoke feeling bright and cheery - feeling like nothing in the world can take away this joy - this knowledge that i've found within me - the assurance of God being close by. And I am happy. It's a kind of breakthrough. And i think, if we have not broken through the barrier of misery and self-pity, this is kinda like sinning to God too because we are saying ultimately - God you cannot help me - or.. God i don't want to be helped - ... So i will be happy. I must make it a point to be happy. Be happy in the things of the Lord. True happiness. what is it? I think it is a state of peace - calm - satisfaction - assurance - clear goals ahead that are not self-serving - a sense that life is beautiful - not thinking of oneself - love.
Happy happy. Not coughing much anymore.. *cough* ok just sporadic coughs now. The whole 2 week draggy thing has been a toll on me.. making me terribly tired and moody. But I'm back up and really can't wait now to get out and do some sports and stuff. What's been on my mind the past weekend is really what happened at the SACCRE Youth gathering at St. Peter & Paul last Sat. Dominic Chan from Amplify Ministries gave a really inspiring talk about PSALM 37:4 - it's somewhere on my blog.. I believed in it but i think i never understood it fully until now. We always think it's "delight yourself in the lord" (do godly things, be happy to serve God), "and he will give you the desires of your heart" (aka he will give you the things you want, like favour at work, good grades, happiness, etc). WRONG. Ultimately, our heart desires to be happy. But we always think the things of this world can make us happy. Yes they do - but only for a while. Maybe even a span of few years. But it will not last forever. It will not last for eternity. So our heart's utmost desire is actually to be satisfied in him (and God knows this although we deny it and sometimes run away). And when we delight ourselves in the Lord doing the things of God's will - our hearts will be satisfied in HIM which means that we will realise our heart's true desire - for Him - to be free of Sin - to be assured - to be strengthened - filled with joy -... It's a difficult concept! Really!! I was reading this and realised that there's so much more to understand about the phrase "being satisfied in the lord"READ IT!: http://thefaithfulword.org/mostsatisfiedwhen.html
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