Blessed

I feel blessed... it's always a blessing to feel blessed.. that's when you remember all the good things and GOD, not the bad. And I am indeed blessed, everywhere...

From LIVE 2004 Disc 1 Track 1
I will enter your house with thanksgiving
I will sing of your goodness to me
For my heart is eternally grateful
I am blessed abundantly

You have given me life in all its fullness
And joy no words can describe
Bit I know it's for more than me
It's for those
Those you sent me to reach

I am blessed
Blessed to be a blessing
I am blessed
I live under an open heaven
Blessed that all may see
It's Christ Christ in me"

Anyways, going for a root canal treatment for my canine tooth today. Coz the nerve is dead!! AWw... hope it will not be too painful!

Passion Week

Hello once again,.. hmm this seems to be more like a weekly blog now.. anyways.. ONCE AGAIN... I"M BORREEEDDDD!!!! BORED AT WORK!!! WANNA SLEEP AT HOME! AHHHHHH! OKAY MAYBE I"M JUST FEELING A BIT CRAPPY>>>> BUt Sigh..it's really uncomfortable here..

Anyway, the last week was "The Passion" Week.. had my first Lenten Vigil at the Holy Spirit Church. Boy, never imagined staying up the whole night, playing violin, worshipping and reflecting on the meaning of the Cross, it was just so meaningful.

Then on Good Friday, I caught "The Passion of The Christ" with my family. Yeah, they thought Jesus was speaking Arabic!! Ahhahha... but it was a really moving experience for all of us.. I cried my eyes out.. I think half the time it was a very emotional show for me, but there's so many lessons to learn from it! So i might just watch it again! Though I don't usually watch movies twice... :) I think Jesus is worth watching twice isn't it?

Well, and for more passion about The passion, I had a chance to talk about the movie with a friend, and realised so many important things that I missed. And when I read the book "100 questions about the passion" it just got me feeling that hey, do we really know Jesus? Do we really understand His passion? Even watching the movie may not give people that deep understanding about His Passion, His purpose, His character. However, the movie was good enough in getting me to ponder about Jesus' absolute determination to fulfill His purpose...

If I were there carrying the cross (For something I wasn't "lying" about), would I still walk through, or just fall flat on the road, saying, "ok... just kill me now will you?", or If I were in the crowd, would I really believe Jesus as the Messiah?

GOSH! What a scary thought, coz i just might as well NOT believe, not have any conviction. And today, aren't many also living like that? Not really believing, not really living as if Jesus has come and won the victory, not really living as if there were any change in our lives (brought by Jesus)> Then if the case, where's JESUS in our lives?

Certainly this movie and this whole weekend was a solemn one for me, getting me thinking about Jesus and just longing for more of Him in my life. It is only by His Grace and His Holy Spirit that we are saved and convicted. So then my prayer is to know Him even more... and to live as if I knew Him.

I've recently read somewhere that Knowing Him is to be liberated, whereas knowing the world is to be enslaved... This jaded culture makes sin out to be desirable: greed, lust, laziness, anger, pride, envy, gluttony. It strucked me that everyday, I've actually been doing either one or more of these 7 deadly sins, without even knowing it! Certainly Satan is like a hidden shadow working always to keep us away from Virtue, from Spiritual growth, and all the more I want to know God more! His ways is light, and it saves! Don't you agree?

OFFice UpdaTe!

Hi once again.. I'm borrreeeedddd... but i'm really happy that i'm so "free" and that I can do my own stuff here at MTV.. really... I can survive if you just put a computer in front of me. So for now, i'm alright (though it's not really good doing "nothing" during your internship!!!). But well.. it's like 4 months already... and I'm sian till I can't be more sian. I still can't think of what kind of job will suit me better.. it's such a headache.. always dream of doing something in the arts, but it's like.. neither here nor there... I'm right in the middle of everything.. career choices, life choices, etc..

Then again...What's this feeling that you're always not there yet? not good enough? not perfect? not suitable? It's such a restriction...On one hand it's that achievement drive which I think is totally not being satisfied now.. but on the other hand.. it's like a deadly trap. I once wrote a poem on "unfinished business"...guess that's the state i am in now.. feeling incomplete. And why? It's cos of being ever so "human". Our quest for success, achievement, and everything, it can leave one so incomplete though complete. (get the irony?)...

That's why, ultimately at the end, I do accept that we all have to come back to God and find our wholeness in Him. But there seems to be a gap in between. I know him in my head, want him, desire him, but where's the real relationship? I believe it's a feeling that many share.

The solution is simple: pray! converse with God! listen to Him! But I confess that I don't...I try, but also not doing it right! So it's a struggle for me. But i believe a lot of ppl face it too! And no need to feel guilty, but one should feel HUNGRY. And that's what i'm feeling now.. hungry, for more,... what has GOD got in store for me? IF i obey His words and commandments, I can be sure of blessings in every area to come. Certainly I can see some already. But what more if I really knew GOD even more intimately... certainly I'm hungering.. but yet my own enemy is myself.. that Slacking attitude.. !!!! argh!

OH WEll....Don't i like analysing myself? Well, but this is the kind of self-reflection that I think helps people grow... hahaha.. i realise my blog has some readers now now.. so for you as well, sometimes it's good to come to the real root of your problems. And i believe it mostly stems from a non-present relationship with God, or it is simply due to our "human" selves, which God said, to discard, and put on HIS new creation, to be like Jesus in all our actions, ways and goals.

And oh gosh! THis article is just sooo good in relation to today's thoughts: http://www.prayers.org/news/article_jul03.asp