OFFice UpdaTe!

Hi once again.. I'm borrreeeedddd... but i'm really happy that i'm so "free" and that I can do my own stuff here at MTV.. really... I can survive if you just put a computer in front of me. So for now, i'm alright (though it's not really good doing "nothing" during your internship!!!). But well.. it's like 4 months already... and I'm sian till I can't be more sian. I still can't think of what kind of job will suit me better.. it's such a headache.. always dream of doing something in the arts, but it's like.. neither here nor there... I'm right in the middle of everything.. career choices, life choices, etc..

Then again...What's this feeling that you're always not there yet? not good enough? not perfect? not suitable? It's such a restriction...On one hand it's that achievement drive which I think is totally not being satisfied now.. but on the other hand.. it's like a deadly trap. I once wrote a poem on "unfinished business"...guess that's the state i am in now.. feeling incomplete. And why? It's cos of being ever so "human". Our quest for success, achievement, and everything, it can leave one so incomplete though complete. (get the irony?)...

That's why, ultimately at the end, I do accept that we all have to come back to God and find our wholeness in Him. But there seems to be a gap in between. I know him in my head, want him, desire him, but where's the real relationship? I believe it's a feeling that many share.

The solution is simple: pray! converse with God! listen to Him! But I confess that I don't...I try, but also not doing it right! So it's a struggle for me. But i believe a lot of ppl face it too! And no need to feel guilty, but one should feel HUNGRY. And that's what i'm feeling now.. hungry, for more,... what has GOD got in store for me? IF i obey His words and commandments, I can be sure of blessings in every area to come. Certainly I can see some already. But what more if I really knew GOD even more intimately... certainly I'm hungering.. but yet my own enemy is myself.. that Slacking attitude.. !!!! argh!

OH WEll....Don't i like analysing myself? Well, but this is the kind of self-reflection that I think helps people grow... hahaha.. i realise my blog has some readers now now.. so for you as well, sometimes it's good to come to the real root of your problems. And i believe it mostly stems from a non-present relationship with God, or it is simply due to our "human" selves, which God said, to discard, and put on HIS new creation, to be like Jesus in all our actions, ways and goals.

And oh gosh! THis article is just sooo good in relation to today's thoughts: http://www.prayers.org/news/article_jul03.asp