Woooh I love this website http://www.japanesepod101.com/index.php. ============================================== Anyway, been thinking about my blog, and how public or how not-public it is. And I just have to reaffirm myself, that my blog is my blog. It is for what I want to write to express, to share, to enlighten people who read this... about who I am. It is also about me, talking to me..... So i write at times when i am really happy, or really unsure. That said, there are some principals that I will never break... such as writing negatively about other people or writing angry stuff on my blog. If it has to be I will make sure it is only about myself, or things like my rants about movies... but not about people. What if they read it? I care for them too, even if it was my enemies. Anyway if you see my blog subtitle,.. it's about my reflections about my life and God. So i don't have to be worried about who reads this, whether you'll get offended by the "spiritual" stuff I say... coz the header says it so already.
Ok that said, so what's up lately.. a really crazy month of April ahead. It's not easy staying high and feeling good... especially the idea of knowing that I "want" to do so many things but that it is simply going to take up much of my time & energy. Or is this a state of "greediness"... or merely the idea of squeezing every waking moment dry with activities that "I WANT TO DO".. but that is not good and that God does not want me to do?
Let's see... what am I aiming to do this April? Start back my Jap lessons, Art lessons and take up 2 new things: Paper Toling (a craft that requires layering of various objects and results in a 3D-like pop-up feel to the image).... AND maybe sponsoring at RCIA. And when all these ends up as too noble and too artistic, ironically, I then jump back on the fence and decided to "take a rest", which means not even doing anything Godly at all, like personal prayer, sunday mass, so forth.
And so I question the motives of my pursuits. The doings, the work I do... if time to time, I run, and then stop and sit on the fence... and then run again... it's pretty inconsistent.
But therein is the challenge of consistency. Which is tough. So tough. Today, I just find myself in an honorable fix. To watch a movie, versus to attend a prayer event I had committed to only just over the weekend (which I forgot about and promptly told myself, i wanna watch a movie today). Now, the dread kicks in. sigh.
But then again, i forgo the movie (i will still watch it tomorrow)... and I pick up the initial engagement, telling myself that I should keep promises. Aw shucks i think...
Anyway... i am ranting now... the point is... I realise that behind the shell of the exterior that you see... is not some originally pure and holy person whose pure one desire is to worship God and do godly works. I struggle too. And when the world does not see the need for these things, it seems all useless that we do what we do. But why do we do this then? It's inexplicable. And i can only say that it is by God's grace and my utter dependency on Him, that i dare not "give up".
Quote from this reviewer's blog: "Made based on a true story, I found myself asking over and over the big question the movie was telling: How far will you go to pursue your dream?"
Yeah... I'm only on the first episode now.. (only 2 parts). But it made me sit up and watch it through last night.. Movies like these have so much more depth, meaning, beauty, lovely music, and leaves lasting impressions. AHHH I can't wait to watch the 2nd part now...
A woman who works with her hands is a LABORER; a woman who works with her hands and head, a CRAFTSMAN; but a woman who works with her hands, her head and her heart is an ARTIST. ~ St. Francis of Assisi
Finally see some youtube videos on Salle Gaveau.. cool! Super man.... A really cool band that I watched at the last Mosaic music fest last March-April 2008! These are live performances, so a bit different from the recording... more improvisation..
Care To Give is a charitable campaign initiated by Nikon.
Derived from Nikon’s slogan, “At The Heart Of The Image”, it’s a genuine attempt aimed at helping underprivileged children through the Singapore Children's Society. Thousands of children – abused, underprivileged, neglected and from dysfunctional families – need care and aid.
Let us do our part for these children by just a simple act. For every new person who signs-up for a free account at my Picturetown through the “Care to Give” website, Nikon will donate S$1 to the Singapore Children’s Society.
Do visit the "Care to Give" website to share your message with everyone and help build better lives for our children.
A very lovely night today. At mass, heard Fr. Francis Leong give the homily. Fr. Francis Leong was the one who started our OLPS orchestra, and which I joined in 2005. He had to go back to Malaysia (no more SG permit) and I continued in the orchestra, which effectively shrank into the ensemble it is today. But I'm glad at least, for having hung on and kept it going till now, even though it is now really just a 5-person quintet kinda thing. We've been so quiet this year, but our first practice of the year, last Friday, was really enjoyable. At one take, we nailed down a few songs... so it was not as frustrating as it sometimes was when we could not get a song right.
Anyway, the point of the homily was on "Anger". Fr. Leong talked about how Jesus was angry with the commercialisation of the temple, which he called as "his Father's House". He said, that anger, that leads one to changing one-self for the better, is good. It's a kind of righteous anger. In our lives, there are times we need to be like Jesus, to clean up our temples, our Father's house.. we need to overturn the tables and set up new good ones. He had 5 takeaway points even (reminds us of Fr. Luke) - 1) To love the things that are worth loving (e.g. Family, God, Friends, etc) 2) To put first things first (e.g. To seek first the kingdom of God and all things shall be added unto you); 3) To seek spiritual insights (forgot the phrasing) 4) Forgot!!! 5) To contribute to community.
I was so happy to hear such a sermon today.
Well, then the chan family went for dinner. We headed to the Singapore Flyer at my suggestion, to just "see" what food we could find there. Went to Jalapeno's Pepper Steak & Seafood cafe and I must say, it was really good! http://www.jalapenospepper.com.sg/
Pictures over the last 3 days! (QUITE a lot!)
12 March - Hot Pot at Xian De Lai, Vivocity with ATO buddies Overdose of Jin Zhen GU..
14 March 2pm.. - Sentosa Nua-ing on a lazy afternoon Also with my ATO buddies. (I was "nua-ing" but somehow I'm very busy this day leh)... Patterns in the sand: "seashell" How much is that doggie...by the sea-side... the one with the waggely tail!!! Water Conference!
Graphicalised: View from my 'resting spot'
15 March - East District Vocations Prayer Meeting This is my church! Our Lady of Perpetual Succour in Siglap! :) View from the Choir Loft.
15 March - Dinner @ Singapore Flyer wif Mum & Dad... YUMMY! Good Food! This was really funny... it's like watching hamsters in their wheels... ! But now it's little kids in their air-tight water balloon-wheel thingee... Praise God for a lovely weekend!
View from my house.. yet another nice cloud formation!
Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Finally, I have to admit that this bible verse still rings true. I'd been 'testing' God. Trying to make a (silly) stand, that it doesn't matter, what we think.
But it is true and even if this is NOT in the bible, communication/positive-thinking gurus will definitely tell you that "You Are What You Think" and that it is still true, that we ought to think positive in all circumstances.
Sometimes, it is a courage to think positive. Sometimes it is painful.
It is easy to wallow in negativity, and sometimes fun to be depressed.
I seriously was testing God. In my last few months, I have heard this bible verse, even recalled it out of the blue one day, but my thought then, was "So WHAT?" almost defiantly.
But today I just reflect... that actually, why does God say this in the bible? Is it because my faith is all about goodie-two-shoes-kinda people? NO... It is to bring us FREEDOM.
It is FREEDOM to think positive, to think of GOOD, true, right, pure, praiseworthy, things.
For Our thoughts lead to our mindsets, our dispositions. It influences our mood. It creates our 'day'. Good day or Bad day, it's all in the mind.
THE MIND is powerful.
And so as I finally "yielded" and began to agree to that thought, ... I began to truly SEE Things....
This week, I read about students committing suicide, killing others, the doctor who decided to end his life. I listened to Daddy talk about politics and war and all other stuff... and for once, I had the feeling of seeing out of the box.
The box of me, myself, and I. MY world and my feelings. MY wants and my desires.
For once, it departed.
For once, I felt really free this week!
For that, I began singing praise to God this week.
Amazing how the "seasons of life" operate. Things change in our walk in life, if we hang on and continue just walking day by day, seeking what is Good.
'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you Meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
Today, I feel "spiritual". After my meeting with my new msn friend yesterday nite, and after our like almost 3-hr chat about our faith.. that really brought out an "old flame" in my heart... that desire and longing to spread the good news, to tell people about God.
Today I had a hearty and wonderful dinner laughing till my stomach hurt. It was fun alright. Though, by the time I got home, I felt excited over a different matter. About giving session (aka, giving a talk, short input session during my youth prayer meetings).
I have not given a session at my youth group for at least a whole year or even more. I'd been all packed up with admin duties in the youth ministry all this while that I forgot I once loved preparing for sessions "each" week, researching and dwelling on the theme to be delivered, and really exercising my mind for it each week, being something like, a "teacher"/"mentor".
Today, I came home and my brain started going to overdrive once again (in a good sense)-- and I had so many ideas. Pity was not able to write it down!
Anyway.. I know that the Lord is doing something in me... there's some walls breaking down... walls of resistance, stubborness.. and now, humility and hunger is taking place... i'd stopped yearning to grow for so long that now, I feel that i've stepped once again into the "me" of 4-5 years ago, where I was totally excited and hungry for my faith.
Well, this is something that I will only write in my blog for now, since this is my pretty internal reflections on life and God. I shall let time take it's course. It might be too early to say anything! ;)
Hee so excited. 2 of my photo/art was chosen for Noise Singapore. This is out of 1600 works! Some are printed on walls, some on T-shirts, some on other panels.. very random.
Unfortunately, my photo was printed in the viewing booklet which is not for sale. Silly isn't it? All the artists' in the booklet would be so disappointed that they could not "take it home" somehow. Well, no choice, had to resort to taking a photo with the booklet!
The entry: "The Forlorn Tree", by Auburnskye. Taken at Chek Jawa, Pulau Ubin in Sept 2008
Scary thought to think about... but on the way home today, I just had to dally on this thought, "where would I be 10 years from now?"
Well, this is a rather important question isn't it? It would hold my dreams, and goals for the next 10 years ahead. I just thought, maybe i'll just dream a bit,... not being realistic, not being fixed... these ideas could very well change a few days later!
So... 10 years from now? I'd like to...
- have studied Japanese fully and can converse! - have my own set of art paintings.. along the way, discover more strengths in art, discover how to be bold through art - have visited many more parts of the world, mainly, ancient cities like parts of china, tibet, greece, not forgetting my still top-on-the-list, Japan - be fitter than I am at 27 yrs old! - be more inspirational than I am now - be able to give talks and confidently minister to people in the ministry I am in - have done a mission trip at least to a 3rd world country - have visited 2 more World Youth Days (next is in Spain in 2011!) - have my own house/living quarters/whatever - understand more about financing myself totally - still look ok... not too old (haaha) - maybe sport spunky short hairstyle - be free-er than myself at 27 yrs old - be a well-known something... (whatever my profession will be then) - Continue to meet up with my best friends and keep in touch with people as much as i can (surely my circle of friends will be even wider than today) - be more satisfied with life than I am now - have read the Bible another round through, beginning to the end.. - my parents would be around 70 by then.. so i guess, taking care of them... - Having regular catchups with my sister! - Touch base with my cousins. As of now, I am a bit grieved that my family does not uphold the rule that we should all meet up during Chinese New Year. As such, there are cousins whom I have not met for the last few years ever since I was in Uni. - have tried skiing & sky diving - have visited grand canyon and done some hang-gliding
I guess, this also translates into a "before-I-die" list... hahaaha... oh gosh.. why am i so morbid!
so before I end, I better put a disclaimer - that Que Sera Serah... whatever will be will be... I will let God have the final Say. haha!
Life is an opportunity,
benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires
of your heart." Psalm 37:4
Derived from Nikon’s slogan, “At The Heart Of The Image”, it’s a genuine attempt aimed at helping underprivileged children through the Singapore Children's Society. Thousands of children – abused, underprivileged, neglected and from dysfunctional families – need care and aid.
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View from the Choir Loft..jpg)
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