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 The String Ensemble Concert - 'Journey' has just ended today. What another time of nerve-wrecking performance, but lovely all the same. It's just so great putting up a performance and I simply love the getting together with other kinsfolk to play great music. Of course, we have a long way to go in terms of standard, but with everyone so keen on playing, I'm hopeful that the String Ensemble will make it bigger one day.. ... I just praise God. I see that great passion in the members. I hope these will be found in my youth ministry one day..Well, I wonder what really draws me to it... it's probably the people.. playing together.. to know that we have some chance of playing, learning and improving.. for people like me, who are "no where" (aka not learning violin anymore, but neither good enough to be in a professional orchestra)...The past few days, have been thoroughly disappointing for me. I won't share it here.. but if u want.. u can really ask me.. I will share.. ha.And well, as u know.. I had been thinking too much and u can see the blog for the past few days,.. totally dismal.I'd been lost, and content to be lost, and totally down in the dumps. If u looked at my life.. it was dismal too.. sleep late wake up late, go for string practice, sleep late, wake up late, go for string practice... it's not the string practice.. it's me... there was something I couldn't let go and couldn't let God handle... But yesterday and today, I'd been telling myself,.. Sam.. you're a new creation in Christ. Put on the new self. Don't live in the old ways... and I'm thinking.. yeah.. Sam.. you can do it! (Personal Pep talk..haha) And then I saw this promise of John, ?But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God?s Son, cleanses us from every sin? (1 John 1:7).I should live in the light - where I am free!! No longer burdened by negative self-thoughts, worries and unwarranted desires and useless fantasies of what I could have and worries of what I didn't have..OH GOD! People are just people. Why do we have to go through all these stuff? These ups and downs.. and Yesh.. I do know that we could avoid these if we sought your light. Your peace. Your answers. But being foolish..I am just simply stupefied and I just choose otherwise.. Forgive me Lord and may I move on. Tmrw.. I am a new person. Once again. A renewed person. Just in time for FYP again. Haha.. as we embark on our report writing stuff.. I hope that I'll have the energy again to tackle it.. and give it my best. Glad I totally didn't have to do anything this week.. i couldn't have anyway... from that emotional pitfall I just went through. Unwarranted, uncalled for. But it just suddenly plops into your life just like that.. and I was not prepared! Certainly not prepared! No wonder God tells us in the Bible to pray always, wear our armour always, and to beware of the devil, who is like a prowling lion looking for its prey every minute. I'd been very very weak indeed.
updated by friendster profile.. geesh.. i wrote: Identity crisis once again. ...I'll give you 2 answers.. or more.But well.. the whole me thing is that.. I am a nice gal who's calm and composed many a time but in reality, she's either blur or apathetic, or just slow to react. I sometimes don't express myself enough. So that makes me not a very open person as well. But I am a person who understands the pains of life, as well as the joys. And amazingly, I have the wisdom to look above our fleeting successes and pleasures on this Earth to look at the wider picture. God's picture. Nevertheless, I am but a human. I am also a gal. I suffer from emotional rollercoasters unseen from the sight of many people because I am usually so busy and never have much time to share my heart with anyone. I am but a gal.
I think I committed them all... :
Nevertheless this website is amazingly refreshing for me... gives me tonnes and tonnes of answers to everything I've been thinking or worrying about... or unknowledgeable about.. how to deal with ministry.. The Seven "Deadly" Sins of Pastors
Thomas F. Fisher 1. Need To Control
Control is a distortion of Paul's exhortation to "bear one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:2). Pastors fall short because they mistakenly believe that they are responsible for other's individual behaviors. Out of this mistaken sense of "responsibility" pastors try to improve, protect, shelter, intervene, and otherwise enmesh themselves in the lives of families with an dazzling performance of "playing God."
Controlling others is not simply a dictatorial exercise. It's how the controlling pastor keeps the spigots of approval open. Turn off the spigots and the controlling pastor's self-esteem is bone dry. The degree to which they control others is simply the degree to which pastors are dependent on external validation to maintain their self worth.
In order to maintain and exert control, the controller will use any--or all--of the four types of control: interrogation, intimidation, poor me, or aloof. The preferred style (or styles) used will be that which maximizes approval and external validation.
2. Repressed Feelings
Used to cover up the pain of self-revelation, repressed feelings make us unaware of what we really feel. It also puts us out of touch with who we really are.
Unfortunately, repressed anger refuses to go through the pain of forgiveness. It shuns the process of spiritual transformation. It flees from the opportunity of the joyful transparency which follows forgiveness. The final result is that it freezes emotions and anger. It prevents the presentation of self.
3. Externally-Based Self Esteem
The size of a church, the success it experiences and comparative data relating to the pastors ministry betray an externally-based self esteem. Instead of focusing on their own values, preferences and accomplishments, externally-based pastors are almost exclusively other-directed. Almost unbridled sacrificial behaviors.
This sin is most obvious is those pastors who don't have a life or identity apart from their church or ministry. Externally-based self esteem not only causes havoc in the parsonage, but reinforces a sense of loneliness and isolation which requires more and more "church" to fill the void.
Externally-based pastors are especially sensitive to criticism and conflict since they base their self-esteem on the validation of others. When this validation is removed, the pastor experiences an Eliotian "Hollow Man" phenomenon. Like Eliot's "Hollow Men," the pastor has no feelings, no emotions, no spirituality, no sense of value to himself or God.
4. Confused And Enmeshed Identity
Enmeshment has to do with eliminating the boundaries which mark one's own identity and absorbing others into one's own sense of self. When this occurs one does not know where they stop and someone else begins.
The most obvious result of this sin is that pastors develop expectations for others, their behaviors, and their goals. When they behave contrary to the pastor's wishes, the pastor may become resentful and hostile. Instead of realizing that their own high expectations of others may be inappropriate, those violating this commandment feel they need to forgive others of their shortcomings.
How can this behavioral pattern be altered? Not easily. But it would certainly start with a fearless and objective inventory of one's dysfunctional behaviors. Perhaps the best strategy is to ask them to list questions related to their own preferences, goals, ambitions, and dreams. Then, on the basis of this list, develop strategies to work toward accomplishing them.
5. Undeserving Of Worth
Since they are so control and perfection-based, pastors guilty of this sin struggle with low self-esteem. Concerned about how they look, what they accomplish, preoccupation with what others think, wondering if we are caring enough are some indicators of the fall into this "deadly" sin.
Another indicator is a judgmentalism which elevates one's own achievements while ruthlessly judging, ridiculing, or otherwise lessening the achievements of others.
At the root, however, is a fear of being out of control, of being imperfect. The results?
Low-self esteem which leads to the inevitable conclusion that they are worthy of nothing. Without this basic self-worth, they do not understand that it is important for them to give and receive forgiveness. Indeed, they do not understand that relationships are imperfect. Each day there is a "give-and-take" of forgiveness for both little and large offenses.
6. Inappropriate Care-taking
There are several examples of this sin. Care-taking which is done for others what they cannot do for themselves is one. Preventing others from maturing because of our "help" and one-sided care-taking are others. As long as the relationship is "one-up" and "one-down," the needy one will be unable to break free of the control of the caregiver. Indeed, if the needy one leaves, the caretaker will misinterpret this action as rejection...not as a move toward healthy, normal growth.
7. Perfectionism
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon indicates that the greatest problem with perfectionism is that "it makes big problems out of little ones, increase our despair when things don't work out as we hope they will and hampers us in coming to terms with life as it is."
Perfectionism leads to a long list of sins of commission. It also leads to guilt. Perfectionists have long lists of offenses which have been committed by them and against them. These offenses become the fuel for self-torture and other-torture, respectively.
Perfectionism also shelters a long list of sins of omission. Perfectionists don't forgive, don't confront, don't work things out and don't build intimate, long-standing friendships. Why? Fear of confrontation and discovering they may be wrong is certainly one.
Perfectionists also fail to forgive so as to remind themselves of other's failures to block awareness of their own failures. Hanging on to the hurts also gives a long-term sense of control over others who have hurt them in the past, especially those motivated by guilt..
Can perfectionists change? It is very difficult. It requires all the power of God's grace and renewal. It also requires that they learn to forgive, to change their view of the world, and to discover that they are God's children because of His love, not their perfection.
Thomas F. Fischer
For more on this topic see Beattie, Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel, p. 127-137 http://ministryhealth.net/000_mh_topical_directory.html
I think I have been thinking too much... I am in the state of melancholy. Ahh.. its like somehow when u get into this state.. its like a black hole sucking away at you... it's just life-draining..Maybe it all depends how you start the day. I overslept and missed my meeting with FYP lecturer, so my other 2 group mates had to represent our group. I wished I was there coz it's my responsibility as well.. but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.Then, I slept the whole afternoon coz i was too tired and too sianz to do anything else.. Somehow there's this overwhelming sadness.. the feeling like I'm not free enough to do what I want.. a constant struggle in myself... I want to talk to people, but I shy away and I don't talk. I want to meet up with people, but i'm either lazy, afraid, or plainly numbed by occupying myself with my own things - blogging.. my own entertainment.. amusing myself somehow.At night.. it was a great String practice.. for this concert this Sat. But I missed the last MRT at 11:40pm! So I took bus 30 from Boon Lay to Bedok!!! And by the time i reached home.. it was 1:30am.. Not to mention I walked home from Bedok MRT coz i didn't want to spend even more money on Taxi fare. I've been spending loads on taxi.. broke to bits now.. So well, that gave me super more time to ruminate and think and get even more upset with myself. So now.. not sleeping once again.. coz i drank coffee and slept too much earlier on. Just pondering over life. once again. Wondering.. that perhaps, I just like being like this.. melancholic. I guess, even though I'm able to be a positive thinker.. sometimes.. feelings and emotions are a separate thing from logical thought. Logically, I can tell myself... get out of it and be happy. But the sad feelings still remain. Maybe because I've not fulfilled what I really want to do. And so i've gotta look real deep inside of me to find out what I really want. And then I'm blessed by this uplifting writeup from the NTU Campus Crusade X-roads Blog:SEM2- Issue 3 (3rd Febuary 2005)
Feel defeated...maybe, but dumped by God? Hardly!In the midst of hectic schedules and week after week of tests and project work, it is inevitable that we stumble in our walk with God. You might feel defeated and wonder if failure means that God has turned His back on you. But that is WRONG! Crusade Staff Violet gave a meaningful talk about how failures point Christians back to God. She gave her testimony of how she collected $60 for discipleship materials but didn't return the money immediately and even spent some of it. As a result, God temporarily cut off fellowship from her. However, she mustered up enough courage & confessed her actions to the other Staff Members and they showed her grace, forgiving her for what she did. It was indeed comforting to taste God's grace for the first time.God allows failures to point us to one crucial truth: We cannot live the Christian life on our own efforts. Failure is inevitable in life; even Jesus did not pray that Peter wouldn't fail, but that Peter' faith will not fail. But Jesus promises in Hebrews 13:5 that He would never leave us nor forsake us, and that is a very comforting thought when we are in dire straits. We let Jesus live in us when we are filled with the Spirit and the 4 key traits of a person of grace are: 1) The surrender of personal rights. We all want our free time to do what we want butâ?¦ God is asking us to give up these things unto Him. Are we willing to do so? 2) We are stewards, NOT owners. One day, we have to give an account for how we manage what is given to us. 3) Speech. We have to say something that will honour the Lord and build others up. (Ephesians 5:19-20) 4) Give sacrificially. Violet also shared with us a prayer that we can utter when we do not feel like submitting to God. "Lord, you know I really don't feel like, but your plan is the best. I need you to fill me & set the direction for my life, in Jesus name, Amen." Lastly, for the message to travel from our head to our heart, it takes commitment and surrender unto the Lord. hmmm..... What is this feeling of the need for surrender?? and that I seem to be fighting it.. as much as I want to surrender to God everything.. my will, my desires.. its sometimes so out of tangent..
Compassion: Compassion is your prime instinct. You
have a truly beautiful soul, it belongs to
Heaven. It makes you sad to see how life became
so cruel, but you always hope that the best
will happen. Don't stop being yourself, cuz
your friends need you.
Your Evanescence song is >>>> Forgive me
What is your prime instinct?
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You are a piano. You like to express your feelings
indirectly like in lyrics, poems, and stories.
You are careful in what you do and sometimes
pull a stunt. You are calm and peaceful. But
you usually don't talk to people first they
have to talk to you.
(BEAUTIFUL anime pics) What is your soft toned intrument?
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I have realised that life is fair.. just today... i'd spent so much money travelling around.. and this coz partly - 1. bad time planning.. but also 2. weird places (aka west coast park).. etc.. yet at a really fun mahjong game tonight.. first time I ever played using money.. i won!.. and well.. that went into the cab ride back (it was past midnight..) haha... So it got me reflecting.. is life really fair? sometimes it seems not.. what if you're a born-cripple? or born-blind? Life will seem unfair. But then again.. the measure of success in life ACCORDING TO GOD - is not whether you can be the best or most outstanding in this world, but to love Him and to depend on Him, do good, and love others.. So it makes really much sense that God says,.. to those who have been given much, much is expected (aka those who've been blessed to be healthy and educated..) and to those who've been given less (even considered less knowledge of Him..) less is expected. SO IF I'm a believer of God - Given MUCH in knowledge of Him and much of His Spirit, all the more MUCH is expected of me. Same goes with finances. Same goes with time and talents. So God.. I just bow in awe with this simple wisdom u've given me. As for now.. lemme just cry in the little corner (no wait.. no tears coming out lah!) because I'm feeling like.. a bit estranged from my feelings. I'm happy but there's always things of the world to make me unhappy about.. IN christ i'm super happy ( I think about all the good things and praise God.. and the bad things too.. haha yup.. not forgetting tt.. ), but when I look into the world and think about things I don't have.. (eg. Good skin?? probably.. a relationship?) I feel sad. You can say it that religion is like a farce and makes you "think" you are happy.. (for the simplistic mindset)... But I'd say that it's precisely this struggle between the ways of GOD and ways of the WORLD. I AM happy because I know God and I am loved by him. I should say "That's enough" as a christian - And so the struggle is that.. i want tend to want to say "BUT.. but.. " SAM! God's ways, aren't the World's ways. Eg. the world would think smoking is cool and there's no harm in it. But God (in my opinion) would think that, we as human need not be satisfied with such earthly things because firstly they do not last, they don't truly satisfy our deepest needs/desires, they're just a panacea for life.. (just like all our entertainment.. which is nothing wrong but not answers to life) and next.. that they may do us harm in long run. BUT well.. there will always be a rift between God and the world. The world is fallen. The world is in the rule of that fallen angel. And there's always that battle. In ourselves.. between good and bad, right and wrong.. and to be For God or against God. I am sometimes.. so mystified by this all. Everything seems to be a struggle sometimes.. LIke.. now i'm not really sleeping yet coz i'm adamant that my mum should have let me stay out longer.. to play the mahjong (mum called in the middle of it all and insisted that I go home). It was not about the money. but about being out and having fun. Oh well.. then again... i realise that there's some validity in mum's concerns. So.. being obedient i have to go home. But then I stay up late in my room typing this long blog. Hmmph. Not wanting to sleep. Stupid and silly eh sam. Shows that I too have my moods and I can be really difficult at times. On the other hand. Finally.. I find that perhaps, I should try less to predict what God would do according to what I think... Just let go and let God be God.. and to simply follow Him.. and obey Him.. and fulfill his commandments. zonking off now.. finally.
Check out this website.. http://www.djspinnet.org/artwork.htmlI'm so inspired..
After a week of battling from whatever what nots.. I find myself "suddenly" uplifted and suddenly I don't face all those poor feelings anymore and I am an overcomer..What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your nameEveryday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the worldEveryday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my LordIt's You I live for, everyday (repeat x)
http://www.catholicismanew.org/
A Blog by Fr. Robert J. Carr - US Navy Veteran Catholic Priest Jesus today says that he will not give a sign, only the sign that Jonah gave. What does that all mean. His critics are saying that if Jesus gives some kind of a sign, then they will believe. Jesus'point is that if they need a sign to believe, then that is not belief. Jonah simply told the people to repent and they repented. Why? They could look about them and see that they were sinning. Jesus tells his critics that their sign is that they know that they are in sin and they are not repenting; they have hardened hearts. That is why they cannot accept Jesus.If they do not see that they no other sign will do. What is the worst disease that can overtake us? A hardened heart. How do we prevent that, by simply being people of humble faith aware of our sin and our need of repentence. That brings us the joy of knowing the mercy of God. The greater we are aware of our sin, the greater we are aware of just how merciful and loving God is. Lent is a good time for a good confession where we receive the grace of God in his infinite mercy.
Was just thinking of the NTU String Ensemble and how it had blossomed so far.. its amazing how because of a dream, things can move thus far. I'm especially glad the present president - Ruiting- caught on to the dream... During my year, my committee had a dream.. to raise the level of String Ensemble. We didnt' take it very far, but we managed to do a first-ever lunchtime concert at NTU. Well, since then,.. it has taken 2 years for a new committee to rise up and catch the dream once again. And just looking at it.. I'm so happy.. they're just oozing with passion for String Ensemble... and have achieved so many things that I personally wished to do during my time - a good website, a thriving yahoogroups community, active participation from alumnis, bonding, communication and a common passion and a dream. Its the same with ministry. I've lots to learn. And it's now 4 years since I've caught that dream. 4 years! 4 long years since 2001. Since I started Uni. Well.. it's amazing. Thank God I am still here somehow. And still desiring to serve Him. I pray that I will be able to desire this all my life. So well.. back to string.. I'm inspired by ruiting, the president of string now. Her determination and leadership is worth to look at. She not only gets things done, she also motivates and encourages people. If you ask me, that's exactly what leadership should be like. And man.. I have this super inferior complex about my own leadership but what the heck.. I'm gonna learn anyway.. and first thing first.. is to pull myself out of this stupid rut i've gotten myself into.. stress, depression and what other whatnots.Stupid sam.. dun be a fool. You've been blessed till cannot be blessed further... I'm just so stupid to forget the Lord's Goodness.Well.. to be specific.. I've been blessed to be a blessing. Why then, hide my light and stifle the spirit? by disobedience, lack of faith, lack of trust and running on my own strength? More Than Conquerors Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. That's me.. that's me...
I'm seriously stressed. Or maybe just feeling really lousy. The Jap mid-term test is this Friday and I'm no where near learning all the words, plus doing up my assignment for Graphic Comm on Friday. Plus I just drank Coffee which means.. great taste, but if you're stressed, it adds to the stress.. and I'm SUPER stressed now.Arghh... Its the kind of feeling where you're alone at school, once again.. I'm ruminating.. and thinking of all the worst things possible. It doesn't help that I have so little time. Or do I?Today - study jap for 2 more hrs.. then string practice.. then go home, and brainstorm ideas for ad assignment (which was due last week)Tmrw (wed) - morning meet to take photos for the overdue ad assignment. Afternoon.. if possible,.. go ntu to collect jap homework from teacher. Then go borrow book or search net for artworks to do my individual Ad Poster Assignment. Night.. meet up with Eugene to plan for session on Friday.Thurs - Graphic Comm lesson in morning. Possibly I should not take cab.. so whole morning will be spent travelling. After that.. study jap.. then at evening, initially wanted to go for the NTU Catholic Students' Apostolate Praise & Worship Rally. But I think I'll skip it and do jap. Night.. finish up Individual Poster assignment.. and the design for the group ad assignment.. and more jap..Friday - Graphic Comm, Jap mid-term test, and then dental appointment for my bracers, then go for John 10:10. Sat - FYP stuff.. then Pelangi Village thing (playing with Kids from Pelangi village home or something i still blur about this one) and then a meeting for Evangelism @ Work.Sun - Rest I hope.
It's back to life.. catch up on homework.. oh so darnded.. missed 3 lessons of Jap.. and this week there's the mid-term test and I'm like 30 pages backdated.. or more.. panic panic panic!!!
Anyways.. life after the event day (the Wakefest on 12th Feb last sat) is absolutely horrible. U get stuck thinking and replaying the whole event day.... wondering whether it was really a success or a failure. And well.. u feel half in control and sometimes totally out of control.
It was a day of mixed feelings... one was happiness that the event was finally here.. all that we were working for.. finally it was the big day. On the other hand.. it was feelings of fear and dread of what to come next.. how to explain to everyone that the crowd was so lousy-meagre-stingy!.. How to write our report.. how to go to the next part of our project.. which in the next month or so.. will have to be completed!
I just so felt so hard to move on. Its just like a break up. Really. U get stuck and think of everything that has happened and wonder how to make things better or what you "Could Have " done. So trust me.. I also understand how it feels in a breakup.
Anyway.. yeah.. it got me sleeping almost the whole of Sunday. and On sunday night.. upon "waking up".. i went "bonkers".. went to practice my violin (something I have never done for a long long time) and.. well that was fantastic... managed to practice the whole chunk of violin 2 solo for Divertimento! (a section that I never could play)
This morning.. it was a day of nostalgia and a i-wanna sleep-in-bed-forever feeling.. got up.. had breakfast.. skipped the Pilates class all the way at NTU.. and started playing the piano! I got out Ju's "Chopin" Book and played some song in there.. but it was too tough.. so i got some other Grade 5 or less book to play.. hahahaa..
Got bored.. then got my Guitar out to play.. and jammed all the way to Hillsong's London Album - "Shout God's Fame". Man I love that album..
And I realised that it spoke to me too... all the songs.. ALL of them.. if you have it.. LISTEN to it! It's a great album. Shout your fame
Some say you're just a good man / Some say you are kind / Some say ou are in the grave / But I say you're alive / Some say you're just a prophet / Some say you were wise / Some say you were just a man / But I say you are God / You are my God / I will shout your fame to all the earth / I will lift your name on high / And the world will know your greatness / You are my God / I will shout your fame / I know you're the Messiah / You gave your life for me / And I know you're the only way / Jesus you're my God/You are my God / I will shout your fame to all the earth / I will lift your name on high / And the world will know your greatness / You are my God / Jesus / I will shout your fame to all the earth / I will lift your name on high / I will show the world your goodness / As I live a life that shouts your fame / As I live a life that shouts your fame / Jesus I decide to live / Live a life that shouts your fame / Shout your fame
My God
Your faithful love / has always been there for me / the greatest love / that I have ever known / what can I give to you / for all Youve given to me / You gave it all / and You are all I need / Pre-Chorus:You are my king, / You are my God / the praises I bring / come from my heart / Chorus:This is for You / for all Youve done for me / and I wanted to show You / how much You mean my God, my God
Gonna be alright
I've found my meaning in You / Your cause is the reason why I live / Your grace is teaching me how to give I give my whole life to You / Your love is the reason why I sing / Jesus You are my everything / Every night, everyday / I dont need to worry, no I celebrate / All the things You've done in me And its gonna be alright, cause / You are in my life Yes its gonna be alright Gonna be, gonna be, gonna be alright / And its gonna be alright, / 'Cause Jesus, you're my light / And You have shown me the way / All of my troubles, all of my life I give to You, my king
You are my rock
There's a voice in the silence, piercing the darkness of my own selfish soul / There's a cry deep within me, a yearning to feel you I look to you, / Lord I can't pretend I don't run from the feelings I'm trying to hide / Must get the focus off me and my problems / I look to the cross / You are my Rock / On You I stand / Safe from the storms that surround me / You're my only Rock, In you I can / Don't have to rely on my own strength.
Centre of my life
Let my walk speak loud / And my words be true / Let my life be whole / With my eyes on you / Lord I'm stepping out / From the comfort zone / Letting go of me, Holding onto You / Freedom comes When I call You Lord / You are Lord my God You are the centre of it all, / The universe declares in awe / Your majesty / I surrender all / I make you The centre of my life / Lord, I respond with all I am / you placed in me the song / Of heavens melody / Your Majesty I live to sing Your song / I have found Your peace / It replaces any fear / You have done it all / I can trust in you / So I'm stepping out / From the comfort zone / Letting go of me Holding onto you / This is your song not mine / It is your song that brings healing to this land / This is your song not mine / It is your song that brings feedom / Freedom comes, when I call you Lord / Freedom comes, when I call you Lord / You are Lord, my God / You are the song / You are the majesty / I live to sing your song / Your majesty I live to sing Your song
History Maker
Is it true today... that when people pray / Cloudless skies will break; kings and queens will shake / Yes it's true... and I believe it! / I'm living for you! I?m living for you! / Is it true today... that when people pray / We'll see dead men rise... and the blind set free? / Yes, it's true... and I believe it!I'm living for you! I?m living for you! / I'm gonna be... a history maker in this land. / I'm gonna be... a speaker of truth to all mankind. / I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run / Into your arms, into your arms again. / Well, it's true today... that when people stand / With the fire of God... and the truth in hand / We'll see miracles, we'll see angels sing...We'll see broken hearts... making history! / Yes it's true... and I believe it! / I'm living for you! I?m living for you! / Chorus (x2) Into your arms, into Your arms again! / Into your arms, into Your arms again! / Into your arms, into Your arms! / I?m gonna run into Your arms, / I?m gonna run into Your arms. / My Savior! My Savior! / I?m gonna run into Your arms! (x10 or however long worship team decides)
King of majesty
You know that, / I love you,You know that, / I want to know you so much more, / More than I have before / These words are, / From my heart, / These words are, / Not made up, / I will live for you,I am devoted to you, / Pre-Chorus:King of Majesty / I have one desire / Just to be with you my Lord, / Just to be with you my Lord, / Chorus:Jesus you are the Saviour of my soul / And forever and ever I'll give my praises to you /
Interested? Book tix with me..
Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Please send this to every one you know. If you delete that is okay, God's love is not based on emails
Just got back from visiting Dad's side family.. we were saying that our peranakan tradition is almost or really gone,.. from my Dad onwards... true true.. I know nuts about peranakans except that they have wonderful nonya food, kueh and kueh lapis.. hahaa!
Even chinese traditions.. zillchh! We're of the modern generation today.. no culture.. none.. just popular culture. SAD isn't it? It's like we make up our own culture now.. or rather,.. are being led by our western counterparts... but i'd beg to differ... I'm no fan of friends, sex in the city, or whatever whatnots.. I think I'm really a weird mix.. I don't speak chinese but I like the chinese style entertainment better.. dramas... But well.. Korean dramas and Jap anime would be the best.. haaha... It's not a sudden craze, .. it's a discovery... and a preference.. Western style movies can get boring at times....
Anyways.. just watched a whole lot of movie previews.. looking forward to some (quite a lot!) of them... http://www.apple.com/trailers/
Eg: Howl's moving castle.. Ray, Nobody Knows (Daremo Shiranai), Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (coz of the book,.. the movie looks pretty weird actually).. Fantastic Four, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride.. The Green Butchers (french), Sahara, I am David, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, The Weatherman, Chronicles of Narnia, And WAR OF THE WORLDS (In Dec) (I read the book! and I love HG Wells!)
Anyways.. anyone up for Mahjong next week? at my house.. this time.. I'm sure marlene and jac would be interested.. sarah? and well, that makes 4 already.. haha.. my mum also wants to play mwahahahaa...
Something i'm always trying to get: 13 wonders!!!!
You Have A Type B+ Personality |
B+
You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.
While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions |
Hey yesterday at mass, there was an announcement that OLPS is intending to start up an OLPS orchestra.. so musicians.. who wants to join? hahaa... ju and adeline maybe when you're back you can join! Anyways.. this time.. with my mum and dad nudging me, i was actually quite interested and so I decided to go for it! and submitted my name. The rest, just depends on who picks up the call and comes forward to render their music and time.
Had a terrible night last night.. didn't do any work coz i had a splitting headache... but perhaps it was compensated by the wonderful dinner i had at Dunman food court at Joo Chiat, where we had a big feast - just me dad and mum - satay, wanton mee, carrot cake, rojak, chin chao, OH GOSH! We were so piggy! But I was glad of being able to talk about John10:10. Dad asked so how is John 10:10? Is it shrinking or expanding?? I was like "Shrinking????" No.. it's not shrinking.. though some people never come already *sad*... maybe numbers are still the same. BUT I BELIEVE IT IS NOT SHRINKING!!! GOD WILL KEEP IT ALIVE I PRAY!!!
Anyways.. mum was interested in something i said:
"Life is life, but there's more to life"... she was particularly interested.. haha.. I was glad to explain that since the many "die-hards" in John10:10 had experienced God in such a powerful way, it was life-changing and we now believe that yes, no doubt you can live life, get a career, and get a nice family, pursue happiness, and peace, and then die...without really knowing God... BUT there's MORE TO LIFE! --- There's the purpose and plan that God wants for us, and that we must seek and find and live out... ! Then we can shine as true instruments for God!
MY jerusalem - my family.. is top of my prayer list now.. next is the many friends who need prayers. I then think.. Oh God,.. this is a job that puts me on the edge... I am brought to my knees, tears, and my heart feels so pain when I think of these areas.. I can be pretty emotional actually...
And then... on a lighter note.. I had a pretty long dream last night.. but i forgot already - but it leaves me feeling sad and vulnerable - like I want to have someone to lean on... u know..
Oh well...
Today is a long day ahead.. with half a headache left from last night.. I gotta press on.. 5 more days to D-DAY! Or rather V-DAY wakefest... haahha
ONe week has passed since my last blog! proving the extent of my busy-ness.. Wow! okay.. well... i guess this is how it goes, when u have 4 students trying to pull off a medium scale event (can't consider it large though) and trying to organise the whole thing - manpower to publicity to logistics.. Gosh it's tough! But yesterday, while packing goodie bags - (How i just love monotonous jobs!) - it was really fun.. me, simon and esther chatted and laughed.. and we were all relaxed, no great great stress. Yes I have a million things at the back of my head to think and worry about, but at that moment, it was just like.. I was trusting fully, depending on each and every person involved in this project. I realised that if I were to worry about everyone, it would kill me. But if i let go and trust and just know that a particular area is settled by someone - it would be. This takes trust. hehe. or rather you're too tired to worry about so much so once something is under someone elses' scope you go - phew.. okay yah yah you handle it..
But anyways... it's really a great project and I really am prepared on Sat whether there'll be people or zero people. BUT Can i hope for more? Can i even pray for more? I guess so. Faith says, that you have to believe in things that are not yet seen, but yet to come. I really believe our project and cause is so good. But what if there's no people? or a few say around 50 people only at every one time, streaming in and then out and not staying?
I guess, I have to be really really prepared, and have an answer for it all.
The one thing about leadership is you always have to have an answer for things. And think fast, be alert and be on top of everything. Tough call for me when I tend to forget stuff and get confused if stressed... oh God improve my quick thinking and memory!! I need to work on this.. and REALLY need it in my working future..
Well.. anyways.. I FINALLY got to play mahjong last night! With jac and marlene. It was so fun!!! 3 person mahjong.. still fun... I got a mega 6-double right at the end.. mwahahaha.. Oh so fun.. !!
And lastly... my body is aching... jap hw is abit backdated,... and pauline is leaving next week! and New Year's just round the corner but I don't think i'll really enjoy the visiting.. what will it be like with all the families? I wish Ju was here... .. hmm what happened last year also anyway??
Now i dun feel like stopping... but hmm nothing left to say already....
OH yeah.. i've got something... ---- come for the V-Day Wakefest! -----!
Hehehe! Come around 4pm onwards.. that'll be great!!
Gosh.. I understand what it means to let work take control of you.. but sometimes.. u have no choice.. no utter choice! Then how?
I just thank God that in the midst of all these, i'm not overwhelmed by the stress and work to do. I am stressed at some points here and there.. but i feel that I've been learning and reflecting on how I deal with things and it's a learning experience.
I am particularly peeved at my own bad habit for example, of taking cab.. to NTU it's like $20 each journey.. gosh.. heartache... or maybe now numb already haha... i better not take so much cab anymore... made me so broke this month.. bad planning.
Meanwhile,.. I went for 15 mins of Pilates lesson today at school... yes.. i've signed up for this pretty tuff thing at ntu where u get to go for classes such as pilates, yoga, kickboxing and the likes. I WAS LATE!~ Again. Shucks. Another bad habit to overcome..
Then.. well.. it was interesting today at lunch with my ex-roommate at hall 2.. I was saying.. that I learnt that I was NOT a leader and that I was better off as a supporter - aka no.2 rather than no.1. BUT my listener immediately called a stop to that sentence.. and said.. No! Why don't you think of it as - This is a learning time, so that I can learn how to be a better leader?
And I thought about it... - not entirely my cup of tea - but perhaps this is what God means by moving out of your comfort zone??? He's certainly put me in all these "leadership" positions all my life.. not by my choice.. but by default.. ALWAYS... .. why?.. does He have a special plan for me? I wonder.. i wonder..
and I hope .. oh no.. please no.. i'm a terrible one.. oh dear.. yeah.. that's a pretty poor self-image..Ahh..
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