Life is fair. God is fair.

I have realised that life is fair.. just today... i'd spent so much money travelling around.. and this coz partly - 1. bad time planning.. but also 2. weird places (aka west coast park).. etc.. yet at a really fun mahjong game tonight.. first time I ever played using money.. i won!.. and well.. that went into the cab ride back (it was past midnight..) haha...

So it got me reflecting.. is life really fair? sometimes it seems not.. what if you're a born-cripple? or born-blind? Life will seem unfair. But then again.. the measure of success in life ACCORDING TO GOD - is not whether you can be the best or most outstanding in this world, but to love Him and to depend on Him, do good, and love others..

So it makes really much sense that God says,.. to those who have been given much, much is expected (aka those who've been blessed to be healthy and educated..) and to those who've been given less (even considered less knowledge of Him..) less is expected. SO IF I'm a believer of God - Given MUCH in knowledge of Him and much of His Spirit, all the more MUCH is expected of me. Same goes with finances. Same goes with time and talents.

So God.. I just bow in awe with this simple wisdom u've given me.

As for now.. lemme just cry in the little corner (no wait.. no tears coming out lah!) because I'm feeling like.. a bit estranged from my feelings. I'm happy but there's always things of the world to make me unhappy about.. IN christ i'm super happy ( I think about all the good things and praise God.. and the bad things too.. haha yup.. not forgetting tt.. ), but when I look into the world and think about things I don't have.. (eg. Good skin?? probably.. a relationship?) I feel sad. You can say it that religion is like a farce and makes you "think" you are happy.. (for the simplistic mindset)... But I'd say that it's precisely this struggle between the ways of GOD and ways of the WORLD. I AM happy because I know God and I am loved by him. I should say "That's enough" as a christian - And so the struggle is that.. i want tend to want to say "BUT.. but.. "

SAM! God's ways, aren't the World's ways.

Eg. the world would think smoking is cool and there's no harm in it. But God (in my opinion) would think that, we as human need not be satisfied with such earthly things because firstly they do not last, they don't truly satisfy our deepest needs/desires, they're just a panacea for life.. (just like all our entertainment.. which is nothing wrong but not answers to life) and next.. that they may do us harm in long run.

BUT well.. there will always be a rift between God and the world. The world is fallen. The world is in the rule of that fallen angel.

And there's always that battle. In ourselves.. between good and bad, right and wrong.. and to be For God or against God.

I am sometimes.. so mystified by this all. Everything seems to be a struggle sometimes.. LIke.. now i'm not really sleeping yet coz i'm adamant that my mum should have let me stay out longer.. to play the mahjong (mum called in the middle of it all and insisted that I go home). It was not about the money. but about being out and having fun. Oh well.. then again... i realise that there's some validity in mum's concerns. So.. being obedient i have to go home. But then I stay up late in my room typing this long blog. Hmmph. Not wanting to sleep. Stupid and silly eh sam. Shows that I too have my moods and I can be really difficult at times.

On the other hand.

Finally.. I find that perhaps, I should try less to predict what God would do according to what I think... Just let go and let God be God.. and to simply follow Him.. and obey Him.. and fulfill his commandments.

zonking off now.. finally.