..."Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there also will my servant be. The Father will honor whoever serves me."
I was lamenting in the previous post about how I am the older brother in the story of the prodigal son.
This passage that I just discovered today is like a continuation from yesterday's reflections. And praise god, that i remembered the song lyrics of a old catholic hymn and thus was led to search for the actual bible verse.
Anyway, so I'm like a grain of wheat. Unless I 'die' to myself, There cannot be fruit.
So what is dying to myself? As Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25)
Hi all, Yesterday I attended ALIVE, my OLPS Youth Ministry's monthly gathering. Finally, got the guts to push it up to Verbist hall again. Despite all my worry and fear (i was struck by that the whole week) that people will not come and that it will be a badly organised event, I left the night with a peace that God is still God after all, because despite all my worries, I think God was still present in our sharings after all.
It was thought provoking, especially the video that David shared with everyone, called "Shaking Tokyo". It made us reflect about our lives and whether we are really alive. Read more at http://olpsyouth.blogspot.com/2010/02/alive.html
My own reflection on this is that I am like the OLDER Brother in the story of the Prodigal Son. I do alot of work for my Father, but as long as I do the work, I feel like I've done my 'job'. Then I feel mundane and bored that everyday I am working in the field, planting seeds, for the "harvest" but the harvest is not even here yet or I Don't see anything or feel any support. In fact, sometimes I feel like i'm the only one working in the field. Or that the field is sooo huge that everyone is somewhere on some plot of land working on their own seed-planting and no one is near me... save for some. That's a really negative thought but it happens. I then judge others and their way of planting seeds, saying that this person's way can or cannot work, when I'm not really the master of it all... the Owner (God) is the real gardener/master.
SO then, I realise that I am alive, but not really ALIVE In the SPIRIT. Being Alive in the Spirit gives us real Love for our neighbours, Strength to persevere through trials and persecution and sadness, and JOY that radiates to others. A deep prayer life that does not shake amidst circumstances.
So what is needed to make me, a somewhat hikikomori just like the movie we watched yesterday, come out from my hiding place? It is to put my trust and security in the LORD. Not in my ownself.... because when I did that, I had fear and worry for a whole week.
I need LOVE of God that gives me the courage to step out of my comfort zone.
I thank God for making me and giving me life. Now I wish I will become truly ALIVE with His Spirit in me! and not just "complete" life doing my job well and earning all the hit-points/achievements. It might be perfect if I lived life that way, but it would not give me lasting fulfillment that only God can give.
Watched this movie in the plane ride home... acted by Tatsuya Fujiwara (Death Note)... spoilers may be below... *warning*!
And must say, it left me thinking still. I actually like the story.. parts of it, not all! It made me think of humanity and our ability to survive. Especially the 'brave men's road'... where there was a dialogue about how we are never more alive than when we face all kinds of hardship and overcome them..
Anyway, for the main story, Ito Kaiji is is portrayed here as a loser in life, surviving each day on a petty job, petty gambling and going no where in life. He is then given an opportunity to repay a debt (that he never knew he incurred due to being someone's guarantor) and a chance to win it all in one swoop aboard a ship 'Espoir'. He takes the chance rather than having to work for 10 years to repay it all. But it is all a con job and he ends up losing badly. Talk about loser.
The interesting part is how the people luring all these losers into a 'lose-lose' situation, where they are stuck for life. These people are rich con-men, loansharks, and it seems they are building an empire. It seems like an interesting sub-plot but we never get beyond that. Maybe it's only a movie so we don't see the whole picture. Anyway, the story is about Kaiji.
It is quite an adventure to journey with him through his ordeals, which seem so much larger than life. It does make you think, about abstracts such as what is freedom? and that the very fact that one is alive, is already a gift itself. Despite being a loser in life, doesn't one even need at least some dignity to choose how he would like to live his life?
The movie also gives a bitter taste in portraying the rich elites who take joy in watching the poor people struggle for their lives or just get conned out of their freedom into slavery. It takes an even more dramatic turn when it is not just petty struggle, but a struggle for life and death. That is so powerful. AND i just can't help it but notice the possible spiritual lesson fromt this too. If you know what I mean... for example, I can see it such that Jesus has bought us freedom, but thinking that we do not deserve it, we buy into the lies of the world or maybe the devil (aka, Endo) and end up slaving our live for money, or for the hope of getting somewhere in life... ! or for "freedom"... when originally, we already have it. (ok it's not a really good analogy, maybe you gotta watch the show to understand).
Anyway, the end is just silly... after all the struggle, they could have made a more emotional impact, but everything just reverts to where it begun... maybe it was like that in the manga? but well, it's just like that show...what was it again? (i had to check this out on google again) -- yes, burn after reading. Totally just BURN after reading... no point. haaarrrhar
So well, what's more.... the super super WORST Point at the end is that I just found out that Kenichi Matsuyama was also in the show. HE WAS? I didn't even notice....!!! Did his moustache make him look different? MAN! ARGH! What a silly small role he played! Seesh!
Nevertheless... I liked the story... if only they didn't make it so laughable at the end. GEESH! Dang!
God rewards faithful obedience. It often requires patience, suffering, and perseverance. Be of good cheer; He will reward you if you faint not.
Alas... another quote (os hillman) that pokes my heart. Over the past week, I've been so tempted to give up, stop hoping, be of 'bad' cheer and feel faint.
Sigh... God always wants us to walk on water... to walk against the storm/tide.. to trust in HIM and not ourselves... it's not always easy... I feel so tired, so ready to give up.. and yet i'm drudging along, and feeling like I must do this because I promised and I don't want to let myself down...
So what next? I must perservere. Do the slides tonight, then check on the food, then check on the icebreaker, then check on the programme and then send another reminder nearing to Saturday... then prepare myself, go down early, maintain my emotional composition as I can't be all outta sorts... and go down with a cheer...
Despite my so-called cynical tone... I know that "faithful obedience" and patience produces the fruits that I so long to see. I shall really put my best foot out... dun give up yet, glory is just around the corner!
Today is a funny day.... it began bright and cheery... and I went to fetch Pau & Jac to our breakfast destination and on the way, 'something' happened. I won't state it here because the internet is after all NOT a private domain...so anyway for those who wanna know about it... I can tell you verbally when we meet.
Anyway... you know probably that I'm so called a very "godly" person... "so-called"... and do a lot of holy work in church and so forth.
But the point is I wanna tell all of you my friends that I am not. Even though I do countless work in church I am only a sinner in need of a saviour. I do this work because I realise that i am weak.
Anyway, the World VS God is really 2 different realms. For many of us we don't believe in God because we cannot see him, but if only we're open to the Holy Spirit who is alive and working each minute each day, we WILL See Him, amidst our worldly circumstances, happenings each day...
This afternoon at home when I was resting and checking my emails, I happened to remember my friend Michael's blog and curious, went to check it out. I found this post with a passage on Isaiah 35:8-10. It said this:
And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it. (Isaiah 35:8-10)
You know what? when I read it, I suddenly felt a trembling in my heart, an excitement... a sense of gravity pulling on my heart... heavy..... dunno what to call it,... a sense of GOD being present and talking to me... So I made a comment to Michael to thank him for that post and left it at that. I thought this verse is about holiness...
Then, after my family reunion CNY eve dinner... I went back to check what is "Isaiah 35" all about, as I don't know, don't read every book in the bible and there's tonnes of bible verses around sure cannot remember everything.
That is when I came to the larger picture of Isaiah 35:1-10 --- Especially to verse 4:
Say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."
And it suddenly made sense... WHY did I think of checking people's blog >>> Michael's blog of all >>> Why then did I see tat post >>>> plus then Feel strongly about Isaiah 35:8-10 >>> THEN somehow keep thinking about it and end up Reading the Isaiah verse again and end up seeing the assuring words that speak to my situation today?
In light of my belief in God..... , I don't believe God has "nothing" to say after watching everything happening today. Sure he has.
So I can firmly deduce that this is what he's saying to me today:
"Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution
he will come to save you."
To this thought, I shed some tears knowing that God is aware of everything that is happening, whether my fault or not my fault, whether this whole bible verse is imagined by my own spirit or some spirit or something... it certainly is the Holy Spirit at work man! Just gotta believe that! ;)
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3: 13-14
Today, through Christ, we can find the ability to place the past behind us and reach for a new beginning with Him. God's mercy is greater than we can many times comprehend. Once we can learn to receive it, we will find it much easier to extend it towards others. The hurts we have suffered in the past, leave emotional wounds and sometimes even scars. Yet if we are willing to make the choice to forgive others, and even possibly ourselves, forgetting those things which are already done and moving towards the new challenges God has for us, we will find the strength and the courage to press on. Forgetting is easy, when we keep our eyes focused on what lies ahead, instead of constantly reliving the past. God has new plans for our lives, they are great and perfect plans, but we will never lay hold of them, if we remain stuck in the past.
Prayer
Today is a brand new day, filled with Your mercy. Yesterday is gone; I can’t change anything about it. Enable me to move forward and embrace the new things You desire to bring into my life. Give me the strength and courage to keep pressing on, focusing my attention on You and what lies ahead. Amen.
In response to yesterday's post, this is me today... praise God for godly friends who will tell me to relax, let go, let God, spend more time in adoration room, so forth. I prefer this advice than something that would tell me to fight it out... because I know on the other side, the other person is hurting as well.
And so I found this song today that speaks with me... it's a bit "new agey" however aka "return to yourself" -- usually we'd say "return to God" but then again New Age pre-supposes that God is found within us. Which is true, the Holy Spirit is within us, God breathed himself into us... so we become likeness and image of Him. Well, it says Just believe in Destiny, but I'll say, Just believe in the Destiny Christ has for me... aka... believe in Christ ultimately. ;)
"Return To Innocence"
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
Been a long road to follow
Been there and gone tomorrow
Without saying goodbye to yesterday
Are the memories I hold still valid?
Or have the tears deluded them?
Maybe this time tomorrow
The rain will cease to follow
And the mist will fade into one more today
Something somewhere out there keeps callling
Am I going home?
Will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
Zero gravity what's it like?
Am I alone? Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet?
Still the road keeps on telling me to go on
Something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all
-------------------------------
My head tends to tell me to put it aside, but I cannot describe the pain of unforgiveness *or rather being unforgiven that continues to pull me down.
This is the Nicene creed that I say every sunday at church. The line, Jesus suffered, died and was buried... jumps at me today. I just think, during that time, what did Jesus do? He suffered without uttering a word, like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse!
We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in being with the Father. Through Him all things were made. For us men and our salvation He came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit, He was born of the Virgin Mary , and became man. For our sake He was crucified under Pontius Pilate; He suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day He rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures: He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son, He is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.
Think about it. We are usually tempted in life to repay people with an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Such is human nature. But that was in the Old Testament. When Jesus came, he revolutionised our relationship with God into a 'love' relationship. His 1st commandment - is to LOVE God and second to LOVE our neighbour. Love entails forgiveness.
Well, it "doesn't" help that I am currently watching some korean drama right now called 'Cruel Temptations' and the main gist is about revenge.. haha.
The whole juicy part of the show is that one party has suffered so much injustice, that she sets on a whole elaborate plan to pay her inflictors back all the pain she has received. And yes, I actually watch it with relish. Even my mum and aunty penny are crazily watching this drama man.
But what is the lesson learnt? I am only halfway into the story in fact, but can already guess. That revenge only begets further revenge, hatred begets hatred. It is a never-ending cycle of hurt, torment and pain inflicted on others in revenge only bounces back onto oneself.
Nevertheless, I still hope for her justice to come about one day and hope of seeing a happy-ever-after ending. I don't know. Still halfway.
And so tonight, just thought about how Jesus suffered and died on the cross.... Not a word of revenge. Instead, he said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing".
Does a dying person say this?
If Jesus could forgive even while he was in so much pain, the question I ask is that maybe we can also? because He'd like us to forgive?
Well, this small reflection has given me strength to labor on in love for Love is patient, love is kind.... etc
I shall have to remember this:
Phil 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Praise God for our first leader's input last night with Fr. Fred. It's been so long and this is finally started... I also thank God that finally I've had the guts and mettle to really push for this and ask all the leaders to really commit one day more out of our busy schedules. Many times I ask for them to commit to things but the result is that people turn up in dribs and drabs, giving the event the least priority in their lives. Now, slowly, because of our "lack"... we unite more because we are able to realise that we "need" to do so,... and I believe God is working slowly but surely. Even if i may doubt God at times, I believe that he's given me a desire for this, which may be folly to the world but to me it is a gift from God.
What I learnt yesterday from Fr. Fred's inputs, plus everyone's discussions:
There is a purpose and we are not together by chance. Surely God has a purpose for us.
Together we can really change the climate and do something wonderful in OLPS in the year ahead... (and maybe some more)
If we need new passion, the only source is to come back to the Father, prayer life, a relationship with God.
Confession is important and helps us "wipe the slate clean"
It helps to journey with a priest as there is accountability and also a sense of journeying, you can start next time from where you left off instead of repeating the old stories again!
We can be like king David with strong faith in God, who can defeat Goliaths in our lives.
Though he sinned and coveted his neighbour's wife, King David always went back to God (Psalm 51) and God forgives each time.
We can pray for other people and that it helps if we "love" them first and therefore, the prayer will flow from there.
When there is lack of trust due to inner grudges or whatever reasons, a solution could be to wash each other's feet
Develop a discipline that says "Get up and Go"... if there's something we must do, we do it immediately without procrastination. This helps us from being lazy.
When people do not commit to ministry, it is because they probably do not have a strong relationship with God. We have to make a difference in their lives.
Life is an opportunity,
benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires
of your heart." Psalm 37:4
