AM I Really ALive?

Hi all, Yesterday I attended ALIVE, my OLPS Youth Ministry's monthly gathering. Finally, got the guts to push it up to Verbist hall again. Despite all my worry and fear (i was struck by that the whole week) that people will not come and that it will be a badly organised event, I left the night with a peace that God is still God after all, because despite all my worries, I think God was still present in our sharings after all.

It was thought provoking, especially the video that David shared with everyone, called "Shaking Tokyo". It made us reflect about our lives and whether we are really alive. Read more at http://olpsyouth.blogspot.com/2010/02/alive.html

My own reflection on this is that I am like the OLDER Brother in the story of the Prodigal Son. I do alot of work for my Father, but as long as I do the work, I feel like I've done my 'job'. Then I feel mundane and bored that everyday I am working in the field, planting seeds, for the "harvest" but the harvest is not even here yet or I Don't see anything or feel any support. In fact, sometimes I feel like i'm the only one working in the field. Or that the field is sooo huge that everyone is somewhere on some plot of land working on their own seed-planting and no one is near me... save for some. That's a really negative thought but it happens. I then judge others and their way of planting seeds, saying that this person's way can or cannot work, when I'm not really the master of it all... the Owner (God) is the real gardener/master.

SO then, I realise that I am alive, but not really ALIVE In the SPIRIT. Being Alive in the Spirit gives us real Love for our neighbours, Strength to persevere through trials and persecution and sadness, and JOY that radiates to others. A deep prayer life that does not shake amidst circumstances.

So what is needed to make me, a somewhat hikikomori just like the movie we watched yesterday, come out from my hiding place? It is to put my trust and security in the LORD. Not in my ownself.... because when I did that, I had fear and worry for a whole week.

I need LOVE of God that gives me the courage to step out of my comfort zone.

I thank God for making me and giving me life. Now I wish I will become truly ALIVE with His Spirit in me! and not just "complete" life doing my job well and earning all the hit-points/achievements. It might be perfect if I lived life that way, but it would not give me lasting fulfillment that only God can give.