I feel like i'm in a marathon. One thing after another.. no rest. Or is it really? It's been some time since I have been thinking of so many things at one go and feel absolutely fine... most of the time, it's being accompanied by feelings of stress or tiredness. It's really strength of God. Isn't it? Listening to "Nothing is impossible" by Janna Long. It's like... I finally overcome my "resistance" to pray and the more I pray, the more I receive from God, the more I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. It's not just a mind-game. It's not just an after-retreat high. In fact, after the retreat, I was tired like hell. But the more I dwell on these works in church, I find that I am sacrificing more and more time - like this Saturday is also "gone" because morning there is a youth project for kids and I have to see it through. Well, I could be disgruntled. There goes my Saturday morning. But upon checking out and confirming that I should be there, I decided to relent and do it cheerfully, and there is no more feelings of dread or tiredness because of the innermost strength that says I do it for God...
It is nice to walk with the Lord. I just wish the walk wasn't so difficult... every moment, there is the possibility of failing by my own doings (of giving up, stopping, turning back..etc). But at least for now, i am pressing on for the Goal.
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. And everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore, I run in such a way, not as without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified." (I Corinthians 9:24-27).
Today I read this verse which is rather NEW to me.
Hebrews 5:12-14 (New International Version)
In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
I realise that for a long time, I have been shunning away from the fact that I am no longer a child - aka there is a need to grow up further and begin to teach, not be taught... This is a scary thought because I had shunned away from it for so long. I entered ministry already teaching. From 2001 - 2007 I had been teaching. Then as I left off from YAM's daily weekly routines to join the OLPS youths, I realise that I had so much to learn and became afraid... I stopped teaching. I had to begin learning again.
Now, I have been learning and perhaps God is gearing me up to begin another kind of work. I don't know what lies ahead. But I know it will be in His hands and that there'll be new challenges still to come. Hopeful? I guess, kinda for now.. ;)
