Consolation & Desolation

We enter Desolation when we fail to love, when we sin, when we go against the nature of God within us to do good.

We become lost, afraid and angry. We lose confidence or faith in God.

We then enter a period of struggle... the desert experience.

During this time, we question everything from the purpose of life, the meaning of my existence, God's plan for us, what is our value, our very self-worth.

Like Jonah in the desert who got angry that God killed the small tree that gave him shade, we are brought to utter humbleness, knowing that there is nothing we can do on our own - that it is GOD who gives, and takes away. It is God who gives us our very purpose of existence.

Then, we are called - to embrace the things - the ways of God. We struggle again between heart and head. Our head tells us - why be so holy? why be so good? WE struggle believing the lies of the devil.

Then finally, by the Grace of God, that moment comes. When we have mustered enough strength to "be" once again, the person that God wants us to be... perhaps we did a little act of kindness. Perhaps we made amends, forgave someone, or forgave ourselves. In the doing of that good deed, we free ourselves from the slavery of sin and God's love reaches into us again.

We then reach a state of Consolation, where our hearts become yet again confident - in the presence of Jesus within us - in the hope of salvation. Trust is restored and we can Love again without guilt or fear.

I just had a faint glimpse of Consolation - tonight... could it have been the super iced expresso with ice cream (my failed attempt at ordering "Affogatto" (expresso supposed to be hot)...?

I believe it is a little drop of God's grace.

I was asking all day for Help. God, why did I feel so lousy... bad, poor, aimless, empty?

And God tells me tonight... My Help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121).

And He has constantly been assuring me that He does not slumber... he is always watching over me.

I then shared some bible verses / article with Ju & Ma, something I felt suitable for them. And my heart suddenly expanded. It is a feeling I hadn't felt for a long time.

The joy that comes from Giving - Pure giving - Giving out of nothing - Giving out of a broken heart. A broken heart of human fraility, seeing so many things that are beyond our control, so many unknowns, so many uncertainty, fears, losses... that kind of brokeness... I believe exists in everyone?

God is mysterious and I'm still only discovering so much with each new day...