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Exerpts from Meeting Jesus By Bruce Marchiano
There were many who were blind 2000 years ago; many who were crippled; many whose sons and daughters and fathers and brothers were demon-possessed or dead or languishing neck-deep in pits of the worst kind of poverty yet would choose that blindness, that lameness, that death rather than bend a single knee or shed a single tear in His presence.
You see, there is a blindness far worse than not being able to see. There is a paralysis far worse than legs that are bent and twisted. There is a death far beyond the tomb, a demon-possession far beyond fits of lunacy, a poverty far more devastating than starvation.
It is a disease that Jesus longed to heal and liberate His children from more than any other 2000 years ago, more than any other today. It is the filth of filths, the hell of hells. It is PRIDE, SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, SELF-JUSTIFICATION, SELF-PURSUIT, SELF-RELIANCE...
When we think of Jesus coming to seek and save "the lost," we tend to envision drug addicts, prostitutes, convicts, and the like. But on a closer look, who could possibly be more lost than one who assumes, by virtue of his own righteousness, his own education, perhaps his own superior
lifestyle, that he doesn't need to be found? Oh, the heartbreak of such lostness! Lostness beyond lostness...
My heart quakes for the passerby who would look into Jesus' face today and respond as carelessly, "not interested." For God so loved the world that He gave His Son, that whoever would believe in Him would not perish, but have eternal life...
There is a way that seems right to man - to take for oneself; to gather to oneself; to provide for, secure and save oneself. And then there is the better way, the Jesus way, the way He chose to live every day of His life and every moment of His death: to give without regard for oneself; to provide for, secure and ultimately heroically, triumphantly, magnificently, save others - at the cost of oneself.
Why? Why would the Son of the Living God, who, if anyone deserved royal treatment in this life it was He, choose a path like that?
As the prophet Isaiah wrote centuries before a nondescript carpenter and his pregnant wife loaded up their donkey and journeyed to Bethleham, "He took up our infirmities,... carried our sorrows... was pierced for our transgressions,... was crushed for our iniquities."
In other words, because He loves you.
To think we are GOD's beloved... His Joy.... How astounding.... Sam.
Come come come come come!
Describe yourself. A TERRIBLE QUESTION. I wrote in friendster:
Me... oxymoronic... idealistic.. too serious, can't joke, workaholic, boring, shy, lazy, unmotivated, jealous, cynical... Yet, committed to a cause, able to be determined, positive, change, teachable, fun-loving, sociable, patient, diligent, understanding...
I'm a product of the singapore system. Conformist, sadly not knowing how to break out of this rat race cycle, dreaming of the day when I can live up my own dreams, and live life to the fullest. Much of me is lost in the world of daily routine, and I am only beginning to find myself.
If you know me, you tell me. I sometimes don't know who I am or who I wanna be. I believe I am an unpolished gem that has yet to discover its true potential. That potential lies in being able to follow my heart. But my heart is lost behind the walls of years of being a follower, listening to instructions, and being a goodie two shoes. I need a life of my own. I need to experiment.. Late starter.. sadly.. but I am my own.
(Adding on more in this blog-->)Perhaps I have my own way. My Style. No need to compare. And how true. God certainly has a unique plan for me, and for everyone else. So NO NEED TO WORRY!
Haha.. sounds like I'm comforting myself. Well, this is a narcissistic website anyway.. me listening to me, talking back to me, and thinking of whether this sounds like me.. blah... it's all rubbish. A blog is really useless, really, BUT I like it. It's important to me... that I see myself and grow.
I think it makes me try to be cheem, when actually it is all very simple. I just want to complain about the facts of life. Why why why! Like,.. why I like certain traits in this particular person, and some in another, and some in yet another, and yet, I cannot find a person with all 3 together!
Anyways, it's friday and i've been so busy the whole week, i can't even think of what I did this whole week (mind is blank!!). But well, it has been good... and everyday i have no time at all leftover. Not good in long-run but I like this motivated go-go thing..where I'm up and going instead of slacking and being stuck at home feeling lousy.
Remember during exams i said i was quite down.. ? not knowing why, and also yet, knowing somehow why.... now, i'm bounced back and up and high and really looking forward to the future, ..... and then the people around me start having problems... but then, i'm in a good position to help them..it's funny! Isn't it?
i believe, it's God in the process.. like.. he's this huge director over the TV show called The World.. and he allows all those subplots and twists in the shows.. so everything is really one big saga.. but then the greatest saga is probably the most important thing in the world.. which is jesus..and when we know that and really understand that in our heart.. you'll be blown away.. by that awesomeness...
imagine... the greatest saga on earth.... that mankind was saved!.... saved from hell! Only thing is that our rational and logical minds cannot accept and understand that! If we really understood that, life will never be the same. WE WILL NOT BE CAUGHT UP IN THE WORLD!
So now i'm so much more clear again in my purpose... what I have rooted to stand for... ever since i was touched by God during the Youth In The Spirit Seminar long ago.... it's that knowledge of God.. as Lord and Saviour..
and I always thought that I will serve God.. so now, i'm very happy, coz I am trusting God...
during exam time, was angry and depressed,, coz i felt that ... Hey God,... u know i want to serve you but then i don't seem to be doing any better than any of my friends around.. so perhaps I should just drop that idea and look for ways to improve myself so as to compete with the world..
but because of that thought,.. i also lost the drive and motivation .. and also became less effective.. So God and life really works together..
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." - 1 Peter 10
And now, well.....on my agenda and some notable events:
1. String Ensemble camp - it sucks to play simple songs.. but I'm a committed old loyal member of the NTU String Ensemble, or whatever string ensembles there are around.. and too bad.. I've gotta play what I've gotta play...
2. Youth Rally at Risen Christ Church this Saturday - I'm playing the violin with a band.. a full Band! WOAH!!! so cool.. and also double cool coz it's a P&W band...! One dream come true!!! ;) Now it makes me wonder how playing on an electric violin will sound...???
3. FYP! Woah mega rush.. wonder how it will turn out in the end..but trying not to worry.. just keeping things in check now, and we're really going for it man!
4. This week, I've had a good conversations with many of my friends..makes quality of life increase...
5. Just talked with a lady on Bus 31.. (something i never done!!!) and she asked if I was a KC Gal! And she said she was a teacher at St. Pats.. she's called Shaki or something like that.. And I was so proud to be a KC Gal.. (coz she said, we KC gals are really able to hold a conversation.. ahhuh! ahhuh!!!)
6. Next up... more violin till Sat.. what a mega involvement.. and so suddenly that after just today's practice.. my whole arms and back is aching! man i need a massage....
7. I'm in a terribly crappy mood and happy mood and can write for eternity, so i better stop now!!! Till next issue of my reflections if whoever is ever interested to read up till here! :P Cheerios!
Steven Curtis Chapman's new Album "All THings New".
Bought it yesterday at Life Bookstore to add to my Steven Curtis Chapman collection hahaa.. and I barely tested the songs.. what an impulse!
Well... It's not too bad... a bit sombre though,.. lots of minor chords.. he seems to be running out of ideas for songs.. not much different from his other songs. Bah....
"Declaration of Dependence" is still my best album so far... including selected songs from "Dive"... like Great Expectations.. haha.. Anyway, i think i've had to listen to this CD about 4-5 times before I started liking the songs. A bit long ah...
Anyways... what's up with Planetshakers? A new Praise & Worship Band? Quite keen to hear more about it..hhahaa.. I'll get my burned copy next week.. "OOPS!" But burning stuff? I've no qualms.. i'm not on the side of the copyright law in this area.. haha.. oops... talk about media law...
Anyways... here's a pic of a little ol' car that I saw in Perth. Hahaha.. reminiscing of the slow days at Perth.. Contrary to many, i kinda liked it there...
Presenting my new CD rack!!! Bought it on Tues after the last paper.. hehehe... wanted to watch a movie with Farah, but there wasn't any good ones around. So we went shopping! :)
Spotted 3 eagles flying around last Wed, on 10th Nov. This is one of them!
I can't believe it... life is suddenly - LIFE!
WEll, today is simply awesome. On Tues night I worked my ass off with my FYP.. and for once, was pleased that I actually worked hard. Not slacked but put in hard work. Been a long time since I actually was determined to work hard.
Yesterday, I went blading with a bunch of OLPS Catechists, besides James, the rest were all new faces... they're so young... around 16-17...Sasha, Gabriel & Mark. Later, I met Ransal again, whom I played guitar with at the OLPS Confirmation 3 camp recently. It's so nice meeting younger ppl... of whom up till now I've had a kind of 'phobia' to meet. It seems I tend to think that they're of a different generation and can't relate to them. In fact, it's so opposite. Their gregariousness and laughter simply makes me open up so easily and remember my KC days. ;p And gosh, blading was fun.. exercise.. the wind.. the sun.. the tan.. haha...this will certainly not be the last!
Then I met more new people yesterday night (actually it was just a little while ago,... but now already past 12.. it's the next day already!).. as we met to practice for the SACCRE Rally... there was Me (on the violin), Glori & Nat (John 10:10), Jacob & Del (St. Theresa's), and Charlene (bassist) and Audrey (percussionist) from Risen Christ Church. Man I feel so privileged to be playing the violin. I REALLY Love it and Thank mum and dad for allowing me to take it up!!! In fact, that move was entirely based on my own decision.. (in Pri. 1 it was actually I who asked if i could learn it)... And that decision stuck up till now. Look what happened to piano and art courses... Ballet.. a bit sad lah... now in no shape for it anymore.. mwahahhahaha!!!!!! Later.. Audrey and Charlene kinda persuaded me to go for supper.. so we had a sumptious prata supper at Upper Serangoon... And I found out that Audrey and Charlene are into graphic design and Web respectively. It was cool, and that they are in a new band and are looking for a violinist.. so I might be able to play with them if they have gigs. Just thinking of the possibility is so exciting. To think I never ever dared venture out of my comfort zone. Perhaps this is somewhere I could start. :) Doing something that I can only do when I'm young. Cherishing my gifts and talents... Shldn't I just go for it? Busy as a busy bee.. I bet I can make the time for it! And I just stand in awe because All I see is not the opportunities for myself, but the God-given answers to lots of old prayers. Always wanted to meet new people. Always wanted to find ppl with similar hobbies... and similar interests. Now they've just popped up in front of me. It's my part now to cherish them. ;) GOD RULES! I Love You Jesus! Deep down in my heart!
 
Need I say more...
Next... going to enjoy life! Gonna catch all the movies possible. Gonna meet up with friends. Gonna get back to my old sunny self once again... no more excuses... Gotta live life man! Gonna practice driving dad's car... haven't done so yet! Gonna go blading once again! Gonna play tennis and gonna play my violin again!
BTW.. this smiley central thing is quite fun hehe... 
And NOooo! The Naruto craze is still not over! Since I started midway, I'm now going back to Manga chapter 1 and start right from the beginning! CRAZY! MWahahhaa....
The new life in Christ has begun - The past with its darkness is gone; Look closer to see what the Saviour has done, For change is beginning to dawn.
Salvation is not turning over a new leaf, but receiving a new life.
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17
OOpssss last night after coming home from Mass and dinner, I promptly fell asleep at around 10pm without doing what I was supposed to do - study! And also prepare for FYP meeting today. Hmmm. Konking out AGAIN! I hate it. Well, it's largely due to my undisciplined erratic sleeping time, which means I can sleep at any minute now and still feel good, coz it's supposed to be making up for all those late nights.
Hahaha.. blame it on the naruto craze. Well... now it's over,... Or issit? since I only started midway (first half was just reading episode summaries.. ) i might as well now go back to start actual on the manga chapter 1! Mwahahaha... it's a great story btw.. got my interest now.
Anyways... I had a dream last night of going for an exam and being totally unprepared.. and funny, it was a music exam... and my teacher was ELLEN HAUSER!!! And I was asking her whether I could bring a book in... and said it was nothing to do with music, but when I opened the book to show her, it was full of music scores, notes.. etc. Hmmmm so I went. Then i found that I brought only 2 pencils, no pen.. then freak out again...
Haha... Ellen hauser is my lecturer for "Issues in Public Relations".
And tmrw my exam is for "Advanced Multimedia Theory and Development" ... sounds so cheem right? YEAH it is cheem... the technical part... of which.. darn, I haven't studied yet. Gonna do it today. Dunno why I just can't - or dun want - to study this semester. It's a kind of pre-programmed mindset... Why why why?
Need some hope for the future perhaps...
Our Daily Bread daily devotional for November 12, 2004
Gloom Index
Read: Acts 16:16-31
Bible In One Year: Jeremiah 51-52; Hebrews 9
At midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God. - Acts 16:25
Gray skies, blue mood. It's common enough to produce what some have called the "gloom index." That's a way of describing the amount of cloudy weather a region can expect during a winter season.
A related idea is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The theory is that weather-sensitive people experience a certain amount of cloud-induced melancholy.
Other factors might be figured into a gloom index. Think about what Paul and Silas endured (Acts 16). Any one of their troubles was enough to ruin the sunniest day. Imagine the irritations of dealing with greedy profiteers who had turned a demon-possessed girl into a sideshow (vv.16-17). Think about the pain of confronting an angry mob and furious judges (v.22), of receiving a whipping and imprisonment (v.23), and of having your feet locked in stocks (v.24).
But Paul and Silas rose above it (v.25). How did they do that? They were filled with the Holy Spirit, and they had a sense of mission. They were motivated by a desire to obey God and spread the message of Christ.
Like them, we can rise above the mood swings prompted by our circumstances. By being strong in the Spirit, we can overcome the gloom index. - Mart De Haan
God often sends me joy through pain,
Through bitter loss, divinest gain;
Yet through it all - dark days or bright;
I know my Father leads aright. -Conklin
God's Son can brighten our darkest days.
Oh gosh.... Got into a Naruto craze... been reading the story (simply episode summaries not the whole Manga lah... o_0 I'm still not crazy enuff to go into Manga) coz i heard so much about it.. hey it's quite nice and I'm sold. Mwahahaa... NARUTO! (",) I like Naruto, Sasuke & Rock Lee! :P Rock lee is so poor thing But adorable nevertheless!!!
Anyways,....Hillsong Faithful is a great CD. When I first bought it, I thought the songs were so mild and boring.. but listening to it again this morning,.. it really spoke to me.. Here goes:
Hillsong Faithful
Track 05 - Wonder -
Click here to hear
I should have been the guilty one
But You took the blame for everything
I should have been in exile
But You became the door to freedom.
I used to live in the darkness,
Searching for a way of escape.
Then You turned the light on
Now I can see, now I can see
Chorus:
You're the answer for the world
The healer of our hearts
Oh, what a wonder You are.
You're my all-sufficiency
The author of forgiveness
Oh, what a wonder,
A wonder-working God.
Once I was a stranger
You welcomed me as a long lost friend
Now I have a future
Found in the Son, found in the Son.
this article is fabulous.. exactly what I was thinking about some days ago...
The Creative Mind
By Rev. Dr. Ulf Ekman
"Dear friend, I pray* that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well? (3 John 2, *Swedish translation: "I hope").
This is not only a letter from John to Gaius but Almighty God speaking through John, saying: "This is my will for you, this is my plan for your life."It is inspired by the Holy Spirit and written to believers in all ages.
When John says, "I hope," he is referring to the heavenly hope, to that which is God's will and which certainly will come to pass.
God wants all to go well with you and for you to be in good health. Your soul and body are joined together and your soul and spirit are too. If you want all to go well with you, certain things must happen with your body, soul, spirit and, above all, your mind. Your mind is the place where God reveals Himself to you but also the place to which the devil comes.
THE BATTLE FOR YOUR LIFE TAKES PLACE IN YOUR MIND
God is positive and when you and I are saved, we are lifted from a negative kingdom into a positive kingdom, where all God's promises in and through Jesus are "Yes" and "Amen." But false doctrine and human traditions and ways of thinking want to bind us, confuse us, make us timid and keep us in negativism.
Our own attitudes, pressures from the world and negative experiences shape us more than we think. All of this leads us far away from the potential God has placed within us.
We have an enemy who tries to limit us and make us begrudging and contemptuous of ourselves so that we miss out on God's blessings. The spirit of this world is begrudging and negative.
Of course there is positive behavior on the surface but underneath there is a nagging negativism and we do not even have to go out into the world to find it. Something within us is instinctively negative. We do not need to do anything to let it in. It comes naturally and functions automatically. We often think about all the failures we have been through, instead of thinking about all the victories we have experienced or the fact that we are still alive in spite of the defeats that may be behind us.
How do we think and what do we think about? Our mind is the meeting place for two different forces. Those forces are definitely not equally strong. Almighty God has all power in heaven and on earth and the devil is defeated, disarmed and powerless.
Man has been given authority from God but if we let go of our authority, the enemy has the freedom to march right in. The enemy attacks the mind. Success and victory have their beginning in the mind but so does defeat.
THE MIND IS PRECIOUS
When sin entered Adam and Eve and separated them from God, it began in their minds. Eve saw, thought, reflected and listened with her senses before she and the man, who had the final authority, fell.
It had begun in their minds and it is the same for you and me. A good thought comes and brings you closer to God. Then an evil thought comes and pulls you away from God. You must realize that your mind is not a neutral air space where anything can be permitted to fly, for both in creation and in the new creation. God has given you authority over your thoughts, authority over your soul.
Everything one does not hold on to falls. The things in your life that you do not hold on to fall. The Bible says to watch over your mind, to guard and shield it. It says to put on the helmet of salvation to protect something very precious to you - your mind. The battle for our minds is greater than you and I might think.
All that you are today is the result of what you thought yesterday. If you do not like what you are today and do not want to be the same person tomorrow, you must change your way of thinking. It can be tough but, thank goodness, we have the Holy Spirit who wants to help us. The Bible calls it the renewing of the mind (see Romans 12:2). This cannot be done in an instant, through the laying on of hands or through a particular spiritual experience. Of course, these things may help, but sometimes we tend only to want the spectacular, to have quick results without having to do anything ourselves.
In the world, people put on headphones and turn up the volume to escape having to think. Christians can do the same, saying, "If only I could attend a wonderful meeting so that I could forget everything else, things would be okay." But attending meetings, no matter how wonderful, is not enough.
Jesus took so much time with His disciples to change their way of thinking. If you want revival, it is not the way the world thinks which must be changed but the way you think. The world cannot change; the people of the world are spiritually dead. They will be saved and they will be awakened but nobody walks up to a dead person and commands them to change. You and I are the ones who need to change.
You might think, "But I already changed once. I read a book and took on a new way of thinking. I?ve changed." I've got good news for you - you're going to have to change again.
The renewing of the mind is an ongoing process in our lives. If you have failed, you must make up your mind to get up again. Step by step, you will see your mind become freer and your thoughts and reactions change. There is great potential in that freedom.
If, through the Holy Spirit, I can depict that potential for you, something will happen in your life. You will leave that which is selfish and carnal and start living more in the spirit, and you will see how unlimited your possibilities are.
CHANGE WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR DESTINATION
One could ask why we have a mind in the first place. Sometimes one could almost come to the conclusion that we have one for the purpose of being frustrated, confused and attacked, but no, we have our minds for something far greater than that.
The title of this book is The Creative Mind precisely because of the fact that there is a great strength and ability in your mind, especially when it is united with your inner being, your spirit and heart.
The problem is that our minds, even though we are born again, can become so preoccupied with, bound and influenced by the negative. But remember that a single positive God-given thought can chase off an entire army of negative thoughts! When your mind is delivered, you will be delivered, and there will be no limit to what you can do.
You and I are extremely limited when it comes to our experiences, which is why we cannot shape our lives according to them. Do not let your negative experiences shape your life! A thousand thoughts can come - "Look at what happened to him and see how that went." Life in itself is not fair. Negative, traumatic things happen and can cast their shadow over you. But that shadow of negative experiences can either remain over you for the rest of your life or be the starting point for a miracle.
God can take the power out of difficult memories. God can change a difficult circumstance and work through that circumstance. God can do something with you as a result of it. The circumstance was not from Him but He can turn it into a miracle because He is God.
The question is, how did you relate and react to that circumstance? Has it colored, hindered and controlled you? The Bible says in Romans 12:2 that we should not conform to the pattern of this world. This world says, "Don't hope for too much, because you'll only be disappointed. Be satisfied with the small things."
The devil wants to take what is great and make it small. Then he wants to take what is small, what is not even worthy of attention, and make it so great that your life becomes centered on it. Either he takes something negative which torments you or you become so nostalgically attached to something that you become blind to the other things around you. Your soul becomes limited, impeded, controlled and you become unhappy. What gets your attention gets you.
OVERCOMING OR JUST SURVIVING?
Once, when I was preaching in Bangladesh with Dr. Lester Sumrall, we took a day off and went to the zoo. There we came upon a leopard in a cage. It just stood there, quivering and shaking, a terrible sight. It was mentally sick because people had taken this proud, wonderful animal, stuck it in a tiny cage and given it hardly any food. The leopard was sick because it was not in its right element.
I think we Christians become strange if we are not in our right element. We start thinking strangely and acting strangely. We stand there, still a leopard, still a Christian, but something has gone wrong. Outside the element we were created to be in, we become depressed and limited. Our brain begins to adjust to this and come up with strange ideas of what it means to be a Christian, instead of getting into what our calling is, which God has prepared for us and which is much greater than any of us can think or imagine.
As a young Christian, one can be very enthusiastic about God's plans for the future. But God does not want you to be enthusiastic only to become more and more disillusioned as the years go by. You believed in God but there was an attack against you and now you say, "I don't have the strength to believe. Let me live on the grace, just for a short while. Then, when I'm stronger, I can start living in faith again."
Do you hear how wrong that sounds? The righteous shall, in all circumstances, live by faith. Faith is not something you pump up. It is something that carries you through the most difficult of circumstances. Faith is not something you shout about in a meeting. It is you being silent when all hell breaks loose around you and simply holding on to God until you get through. And when you do get through it, you realize that it was He who held on to you.
It is when you land in a crisis that you should have faith. That is when you need it. Otherwise, disappointment and confusion come, making you anything but joyful in the Holy Spirit, and you stop overcoming. But God has something wonderful for you and He can rekindle the flame in you and make you happy, enthusiastic and free.
Rev. Dr. Ulf Ekman is the Director of the Board for Word of Life Ministries. Together with his wife Birgitta, he travels extensively around the world establishing centers for leadership training.
I thank God today that I was able to have lunch with Pam, and for once I was able to share all those irrational fears I have with someone.... Praise the Lord, and in Him, we are never lacking...
Because of this litt'l o lunch with this friend, I feel encouraged, I see a new light in trusting God and how After all these complainin I have actually yet to really trust God myself... and that He will give His children - us - what we need if we ask Him. For there's really a treasure trove in Heaven.
Even for my exams, which rationally, I believe it will be all Ds... I pray that God will send His favour and blessings.. Please make them Cs!!! It's a funny prayer, but u dun know how bad it looked. For once, for all exams, I keep coming out realising I have totally misread a whole question, answered questions badly... or whatever. Blame it on the lack of preparations, the lack of interest, the lack of motivation... but where we are lacking, and when we are weak, God hears our cry and comes to help us... I'm really quite desperate now...but somehow, never too desperate, because although I feel abit anxious, I know that my future is in God's hands. It may not be a bed of roses. But as long as I know God, I will know peace.
Dear God, forgive me for doubting you and Thank you for your peace and love and mercy.
A wonderful article to remind us to have faith in God:
"I CANNOT DO ANYMORE...I NEED YOU, LORD
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
Once when I was operating deep inside a brain, an artery broke loose in an area that I couldn't see. This resulted in vigorous bleeding. Because we couldn't see where the blood was coming from, it looked as though we might lose the patient. Without consciously deciding to do so, I just started praying for God's help. I have learned to act on intuition in such emergencies.
Just then I did something that, in the telling, seems almost irrational. I placed the bipolar forceps into the pool of blood where the bleeding might be coming from. It started sucking away the blood. I pleaded, "God, you've got to stop this bleeding. Please, God, I cannot control it."
Strange as it may seem at that instant the bleeding stopped without my ever being able to locate its cause. Afterward, the patient awakened and recovered fully.
At another time we had a man from Bermuda who had trigeminal neuralgia (an extremely painful condition of face caused by irritation of the fifth cranial nerve). Before we had methods to treat this condition, many patients committed suicide because of the constant pain.
I had to put the needle into an exceptionally small hole at the base of his skull and pass it up to the level of the ganglion. This process requires a skill in which I had to develop a great deal of proficiency during my days as a medical student. On that particular day, however, no matter what I did, I could not get the needle into the hole. I had worked at this for nearly two hours before it occurred to me that perhaps I should just give up.
Just before quitting, I finally prayed: "Lord I cannot get the needle in. There is no way I can do it. I am going to take this needle and push it in one more time. I want You to guide it into the hole, because I cannot seem to do it."
I took the needle, pushed it, and went right through the hole as if it had a mind of its own. A feeling of deep gratitude came over me. I feel that it is a little risky to relate an incident like this because I can almost hear skeptics say, "Oh, come on, Ben, that is ridiculous. Why would you even say a thing like that?"
Yet, for me it is not absurd; it is what I expect. In talking with other Christian surgeons, I have learned that some of them understand because they have experienced similar feelings of God guiding their hands.
When we develop a relationship with God and believe that He is working through us, we still have moments of helplessness---when God has an opportunity to do something for us. This happens when we give our best---which, at the particular moment, does not seem good enough. Ready to give up, we say aloud or silently, "I cannot do anymore, Lord. I need You."
At such moments we provide God with the opportunity to respond. Truly, "Man's eternity is God's opportunity."
Shared by Joe Gatuslao
Bacolod City, Philippines
Just a few more days!!! 3 more papers - tmrw, wed and next tues. Then I'm FREE!!!!
Just 5 mins ago I wanted to write an awful blog to complain about how I feel so lost and lousy and down and blah blah blah... but well.. i stared at it for rather long and felt that... I'm being narcississtic again and self-centered. YEah well... its the preoccupation with the self again. What to do... reading Carl Jung for the paper called "Creativity and Arts as Therapy" tmrw (I LOVE THIS SUBJECT) and he writes all about the Persona, Ego, Shadow, Animus, Anima and the Self. Hahaa.. okay i'm speaking rubbish to many of u i guess....
Anyway, he created the theory on personality - Extravert vs Introvert, Sensing vs Intuiting, Thinking vs Feeling.... I'm not a very strong personality, i'm somewhere in the middle for all. But it seems recently that I've moved more to a INFP side. Interesting because I used to be ESTP in JC.
Anyways, personalities change, and we can develop them as we grow (or leave them undeveloped!) BUt well the preoccupation with the self can be good for a person - developmental - but it can also be stifling, as I am feeling now. Like I keep asking myself, who am I? What will I do in future? Which job is best for my personality? Blah blalh Blah...
IT's seriously called "worrying". And God didn't want us to worry.... 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
So well, I shld move on. I think no psychologist and no philosopher can truly give us the answers we really need. We can only say, "Man is limited." Our knowledge is limited. We can only try to explain why we feel this way, and why we feel that way...because of repressed wishes locked in our unconscious (Freud).. ETC... But who can give us the real comfort? Even if I knew that I was feeling lousy because when I was young, this happened, that happened, WHO WILL COMFORT ME? I think only God can. Really.
Will friends know? Sometimes I don't even know what is bothering me. But I know only God can. And only He knows what I really need. He searches the depths of our hearts and knows us better than we do.
And if my friends, if you read this and find how come Sam is feeling this way, pls ignore it because it's something personal anyway.. ironic as it it. I just feel lots of inner conflict at this moment with thoughts, feelings, which I can't place into proper context and can't understand. I bet all ppl feel that way at times... or issit just me going mad. hahaa
Carl Jung talks about people being "whole" when they have been through self-realization. His notion is that only you are in union with your Self - through self realization - you are whole. And the Self consists of your innermost desires and feelings. RATHER, it should be when you are in union with God's Spirit in you, then you are whole.
NB: (When our spirits are in union with God's Spirit, we find our true identity in Christ.... SEE THIS ONLINE BOOK: What does God think of me now? http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/q0604/ )
I don't quite support Jung's theories coz they're the basis for New Age Movement today! Nevertheless...some of them make so much sense (on a natural level) I just feel a need to find out my innermost feelings...sometimes I feel so devoid of feelings.... and so this preoccupation with self...
and so Right now I'm just blogging and complaining. And I realised, OOPS, that I have actually written out a whole long awful mail anyway!
Nope... not doing it.. the exam... not going for the Accounting exam...
After debating at least a hundred times with myself, I finally decided that I won't be going for the exams. I think it's quite sad but what to do when I will not pass anyway? I am definitely sure I won't pass, coz it's partly my fault, didn't do my preps during the last 3 days,.. it was too overwhelming... i mean, everytime I start I hear the lecturer's voice saying "if you didn't do the practices regularly, then u can forget about going to the exam." Well he said it! What's more, if I only know a quarter of what I shld know, then no point going and wasting more time. I think I will do an outside course one day --- ONE day -- but for the time being, no use stressing over already-sour-milk.
Then I thought something better, hey it's not that I'm bad at accounting, its just that I didnt' give it enough time.. not that I can't do it. So yeah, perhaps I'll try again in the future, but no no i'm not going to take this anytime as elective again next sem,.. too risky!
And anyway, I woke up today to a really beautiful sky... and just felt that woah... I should be sitting in my reclining chair on the deck and appreciating the wonderful morning... then I look down and see all the cars going past and just feel like.. ."Shucks... i'm in Singapore.. no chance.."
Lovely isn't it... :)
Back to accounting again... haha..of all jobs in the world, I have a terrible bias against anything to do with finance... I DON"T WANT to deal with money, but sadly money is what makes the world go round.. and perhaps that's why I even wanted to do this subject anyway... BUT SEE LAH! Look what happened, coz i'm not so terrifically interested in this subject, it got left on the shelf.. Perhaps it's coz I always lost at Monopoly... hahaha! *shrugs*
PHew... what an awesome feeling... when the exam is over.. now feel tired.. just wanna sleep.. hehe... had a really fun FYP discussion after the paper today, thank God even though we are still re-planning everything.. at least laughing and playing some funny word game really helped me think on the bright side.. and lighted up... indeed, on the journey home, I was like not even frowning one bit.. (sometimes... when u worry, one tends to frown naturally)...
Anyways... back to the exam.. Bah.. I think it will be a D.. and so i'm praying for a C! That would be a miracle!!! HMmm I'm being really honest... so unless I can't judge very well, I really really hope it will be a C and not a D.. not to mention fail...!!
Lastly.. I think it's so cool to be happy. I mean.. sometimes, we think it's cool to be down and out, or angry and rebellious, or mean.. or to feel that you're on the edge of society, or to be depressed, or to be sad and love-lorn.. THESE DON'T MATCH ONE BIT to being happy!
So to my Lecture 4 on Happiness (mwahahaha):
(See my sister - Ju - 's lecture 3 on happiness... ;P)
1. Happiness is serious business... you need to want to be happy, if not you'll never be happy. Sometimes, reason why we're not happy is simply coz we don't want to be. SO we develop a mindset that's cynical, negative, which cannot see the good in things, and always the bad. Like a 'Miss grumpy'.
2. Happiness is a choice. You need to want to get out of the unpleasant situation you are in (which you probably created for yourself) and make a choice to think differently. And that is being creative in a way. You don't always have to end up in the rut, down and out.. we don't always have to be in the pits. Or for my christian friends,.. at spiritual lows. We can be on the mountains all the time, if we choose to have that mindset.
3. Being Happy is, to me, personally, the effect of being in Union with Christ. For non-christians, how is this so? Well.. even though you don't believe in Christianity, there's some common traits.. Say, for example, Christians believe that God created man and breathed His spirit into us, so that each living person has a part of God in them. That's why even though if you don't accept the Christian religion, it is true (I bet) that for ANYONE in the earth, that if you are doing good deeds, loving others, seeking truth, being kind and compassionate, forgiving others... I BELIEVE it will make you feel GOOD. WHY? WHY WHY? Christians believe not because we are good by our own nature.. for the next minute we may have a nasty and mean thought "Ugh.. I can't stand this or that..". BUT because when we love/help others, we are doing God's will.
4. Being happy may sometimes only come after difficulties and all the above (sadness, depression, bitterness, hopelessness..) but it will only come when you snap out of the latter and be REALISTIC. No use dwelling on spilt milk, problems, sadness, dead-end routes, and self-destruct. It will only come when you realise the top 3 points, and begin to love yourself enough to wanna make a come-back. It also gives reason to the saying that "there's always a rainbow after a storm."
5. To be happy, you need to find the source of happiness and joy. Which is not found in money, achievements, exams, success, popularity, looks, security, talent, religion. You need to know the God who created us all.. the Creator of humankind... the world... the universe!!! And when you've accepted that HIS values are better than ours (fleeting notions of happiness), you'll know what's true happiness.
What's HIS Values?
Just see The Beatitudes in Matthew 5! http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/02371a.htm
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 3)
Blessed are the meek: for they shall posses the land. (Verse 4)
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted. (Verse 5)
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill. (Verse 6)
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. (Verse 7)
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God. (Verse 8)
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (Verse 9)
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Verse 10)
Finally, for those who will like to hear this, if we aren't happy, could it be because we are too self-centered? If we are blessed, we ought to bless others. Only in giving that we receive. When we give we receive thousand-fold!
Late to tears:
Ohhh dear... i konked out last night again... didnt' manage to study the whole night thru as i would have prefered... now it's down to 1 day to Media Law, which I'm only at 1/4th worth of studying. Sigh.. been so lazy and unmotivated the past 2 days.. precious days.. God forgive me for wasting time... really i've been a bum the last 2 days... trying to study then going off to do stuff on the net.. then going off to do this and that... and not being able to concentrate. Anyways, today I'm in a good mood and a good frame of mind. GOOD coz it's the last day... and even though i'm late to tears, I will still study hard as i can for tmrw... no choice haaa.. but also coz it's so typical of me now.. really last minute.. kinda bad actually.
Freaked to tears:
Had a nightmare last night... okay it was kinda disjointed again as usual... I can't remember the first part, only that it was about being in some kind of floating bus.. and with my family (Dad, Ju) and we were on this mega wave and I was tryin to steer the wheel and make sure we remain on that wave. The wave then brought us to some kind of fly way where we had to jump (think of computer games lah) and reach a particular platform. We did and landed well.. and all around was old china houses and grassland...
The next part was that I was out with a bunch of friends.. some KC friends, some unknowns.. then we were supposed to walk from somewhere in Siglap to Katong to this particular shop for I-don't-know-what.. Then I was grumbling saying "so far,.. how to walk!!" (hahaa...) Then we made a wrong turn (apparently I was the leader).. so someone (sounds like my Uni friend Esther..) said "no it's this way".. so we went that way.. back to correct track. Then we went ahead.
Then suddenly we were at my house.. apparently I had to get something from home and was going to leave again.. told the rest to go first.. Though one friend was still with me.. so upon leaving... standing outside the house now, I realised the main door was cut in HALF!~~ (horizontally)... and the other (top) half was kinda gone!!! So I said.. WAIT! I gotta fix it!! Then I tried and tried to fix the top half - apparently I was trying to tape pieces of paper together! But It was flimsy...
Now I was still at the door but sitting down, and I saw 2 kids from opposite house (it seems I didn't like their mother and was quite suspicious of the 2 kids - they seemed evil somehow..).. but I tried being friendly and asked them their name.. (which I forgot).. well they simply sat around me as I tried to fix the door (meanwhile my other friend was no where around now).
Then here's the scary part.. Then the older kid (a boy) suddenly said.. "hey.. do you notice there's something over there?" I looked in at the house walkway from the door (next to the hall) and somehow, agreed that there was some kind of evil spirit there.. and I was terrified.. so I tried to say, "Be gone in the name of Jesus.!" But I couldn't say the words! I Kept trying about 5 to 6 times before I could say it, and it disappeared!
Then I woke up (but I was still dreaming- it was a dream within a dream!) and found myself in a room overlooking a nice lake and landscape... I looked out and said to Aunty Penny (next to me).. "Wow.. what a nice day... ".. and I was really appreciating the landscape... it was like dreamland. A cute weird (kinda cartoony) bird flew by... (wish I could draw it).. and it looked really funny.. UNTIL I realised that the lake was actually result of a huge FLOOD! And then I saw house tops of submerged houses..!
Then suddenly I realised I was in the "floating bus" again... [MAYbe coz I was reading about NOah's ark before I slept!!!] and then it started moving along the wave again... and then it did a mega leap over this "waterfall" and was supposed to land on a particular runway.... Although this runway wasn't something like an airport runway but u know the walkway up towards one of those Chinese Palaces which is huge and old and grand. Yup. That one.. In between the waterfall and the runway of the palace was some pitt, which I dunno what.. and AHHHH we didn't make it! It was kinda like "Game Over!" I could just feel that surge of inertia that you get when falling, and then I woke up!!!!!!!!!...
Now someone tell me what it means!
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