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I simply love Steven Curtis Chapman's album - 'Declaration of Dependence'. It's one album that you can always go back to, no matter whether you're happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or just full of praise and joy. Today I was tired. Even though I went for my company's really exciting event - the Youth Marketing Forum 2005 held at Zouk! - i was pretty stressed coz firstly, i was sick - still recovering from fever and sore throat - and I had to interview people on a very vague lead - to obtain quotes - but that was tough since it was only 1st day of conference and not many people had comments for the "overal" opinion of the conference. Okay or blame it on my rudimentary skills in writing press releases! Seesh. Ironic. This is precisely why I didn't go into Journalism - because I really don't wish to be a journalist - gathering data, interviewing people and writing news - because I don't have the heck one ounce bit flair for recognising what is news! OH well, but GEH KHIANG! I act thick-skinned and say I can do ANYTHING! If i wanted to. So here I have it. I had to really struggle through the morning till after lunch, when I was due to return to office to collate data. Not to mention, my throat felt even more hoarse like a rock was in it - and my nose bled. Argh.. took a cab home and just sprawled onto the bed... listening to "Bring it on" by Steven Curtis Chapman and wondering to God - HELP ME! Bring It OnSteven Curtis ChapmanAlbum: Declaration of DependenceI didn't come lookin' for trouble And I don't want to fight needlessly But I'm not gonna hide in a bubble If trouble comes for me I can feel my heart beating faster I can tell something's coming down But if it's gonna make me grow stronger then? Bring it on Let the lightning flash, let the thunder roll, let the storm winds blow Bring it on Let the trouble come, let the hard rain fall, let it make me strong Bring it on Now, maybe you're thinkin' I'm crazy And maybe I need to explain some things Cause I know I've got an enemy waiting Who wants to bring me pain But what he never seems to remember What he means for evil God works for good So I will not retreat or surrender CHORUS Now, I don't want to sound like some hero Cause it's God alone that my hope is in But I'm not gonna run from the very things That would drive me closer to Him So bring it on Bring it on, Let the lightning flash, let the thunder roll, let the storm winds blow Bring it on, Let the trouble come, let it make me fall on the One who?s strong Bring it on, Let the lightning flash, let the thunder roll, let the storm winds blow Bring it on, Let me be made weak so I?ll know the strength of the One who's strong Bring it on Bring it on
Saturday at Orchard was a pretty relaxed affair... went to collect my retainers from Dentist at Shaw house.. finally.. it's over, but then again, there's another 1 year to go for wearing the retainers 24hrs!!! Seesh! Then took a casual browse at Borders, and stroll through the YANN-ARTHUS-BERTRAND showcase. I love it! And thank God i had my camera with me, so couldn't resist snapping away! Here goes:         Then I went for this gimmicky talk where they try to sell you a plan to help you save for tours and holidays by providing you free 14days-free 4/5-star hotel stay every year - provided you pay $100 per month. (with extra offers like rebates and stuff like that) but.. no takers! Besides, it's not even a savings plan, but rather, an expenditure plan! No no not for me right now! And so that talk exceeded its time and i had to rush down in a cab (once again) to OLPS for the SACCRE youth intercessory meeting where YAM was to facilitate. So rushing home i grabbed my guitar and ran out! into an0ther cab and then to OLPS. But it was a fabulous intercessory!!! PRaise God! For the first time, I can proudly say, i led it. I led intercessory. I played guitar and managed to lead the others into prayer. Something which i never dared to do. Amazingly, because this crowd consisted of people I didn't know (from other ministries like Living Stones, Jesus Youth.. ) I was more bold. So then,.. something new i discovered in myself. Truly satisfying. Then it was OLPS Youth Mass which was really fun (also amazingly) because we went to sing in the choir! And it's the first time i've been upstairs at the OLPS choir level... cool. It was a splendid night. 
potent flu bug got me down.. since yesterday to today.. doesn't seem to be getting better? Friend almost lost her job? Another friend scraped through an accident, minor injuries and damage though? Fr. Leong can't continue with olps orchestra anymore without a work permit... Seems to be a whole lot bugging me too... but i thank God that people turn to me. That shows He's using me for a purpose. What can i do for these friends and people? a thing that strikes me even more these days. It's not like serving myself but serving others that makes me a true minister of God's love and grace. As for olpsorchestra - since the start - it's been a bit of a bother. So i'm not sure if it's the right move to carry on now ALONE more than ever without Fr. Leong even. What is God saying about this? Sometimes, we don't want to ask the logical mind cos it is simply shouting out --> Don't continue! That's the dilemma of a christian - weird isn't it? but also very true isn't it? Lastly... wanted to blog about this for some time.. the Word "REALITY". Reality is hard. We all live in our dream lands and our hopes. But when reality strikes, it can be cold, merciless, unforgiving. What a dismal view. At the same time, i find that my faith HELPS me to accept reality. To love, treasure, and be grateful that my reality is not really that bad after all. To have faith in a future of hopes and dreams and to make those a reality, and to have courage in that faith. So then, as much as I hate the word reality - i also love it for getting in touch with reality helps me see the real me - and i move forward to put my idealised dreams into action. So what's the next in store? I feel i've come around one circle. Been so busy getting certain things into action and now they're in place. I've got the gym, job, and various things going... so What's next for me? The next challenge? I think it's pretty much, learning to love. Love. Loving another person >> I shun away from this reality wondering why am i afraid. Perhaps it's that 'lostchild' syndrome? perhaps i haven't really given myself a chance to think of a relationship with another person - again? perhaps? yes.. the flu's getting me..
witnessed a very beautiful full moon last Tues nite... from 11pm - 12mn, it "travelled" from the right side of my building to the left - and where was I ?? watching from the poolside - hehehe! A Beautiful Moon Staring high Watch it traverse the sky Pale wonder My heart grows fonder As I watch the clouds fly Making way For the regalic splendour The one pure light Set ahigh 
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"The greatest insights on life are found at the center of pain." - Rick Warren "Faith is seeing from God's perspective." - Rick Warren As the deer pants after the water brooks, so pants my soul after You, O God. My soul thirsts for You, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before You?...Why is my soul downcast? and why am I disquieted? I hope in You God: for I shall yet praise You for the help of Your countenance...Yet You Lord will command Your loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night Your song shall be with me, and my prayer unto You, the God of my life....I will hope in You God; for I shall yet praise You, who is the health of my countenance, and my God. In Jesus name I praise You, amen. (Adapted from Psalm 42) Some sad news. As much as I am confused with the turn of events - Fr. Leong is not able to conduct for the olps orchestra anymore as he has to go back to malaysia and can only stay on if he has a work permit to allow him to work here. So we must officially hire him, but do we have the means to do so? Should this be the big break for me to go looking for another music conductor to direct our orchestra? Well, without Fr. Leong, it is true we'll always remain a music group and not an orchestra as I don't have any sort of expertise. Well then,... i've got a big headache here. What to do? Just watched "Be With You" the jap movie shown recently this year. It's such a sweet movie. I love it. It's sooo touching, with a fabulous twist to keep it from being a simply soppy sad tale. It's soo beautiful. I just long for a day when i will meet a true love too. just like in the show. Arrhhh these shows have a very emotional effect on an already "feeling strange and need some quiet time" me. And Mel my old Pri. 1 buddy just sent me a friendster testimonial. That too had an emotional effect. What the heck!
Funny... do you ever get the feeling that your heart is not where you are? or your mind is somewhere off? I think people do all the time. And I'm feeling strange this week, that I just want a quiet retreat. A silent retreat. To spend time by myself, and God. It's like the heart and the brain are disjointed. Living somewhere else.
I don't know if it's just me, but didn't anyone notice the beauty underlying the fanciful fighting scenes and action in Tom-Yum-Goong? WARNING! *possible spoilers ahead* Just watched this movie yesterday with my church buddies. I say buddies cos there were like 4 guys and 1 gal. (Makes me wonder if there's something wrong in my taste buds! Haha!) The other 2 gals went to watch "Just Like Heaven"... Anyway! Back to Tom Yum --- I say it is a movie that speaks about things greater than just the fighting or the bending of bones (which had horribly over-emphasised sound effects). It talks about love, protection, and gives a voice to those of different languages, who have no means of expression (or justification) in a foreign land. It talks about different cultures, and how merciless humanity can be when we do not understand the culture of another person, thereby violating his or her total right and dignity as a person. I'm talking about the lead -- A man called Kham (from prev movie - Ong Bak), whose elephants were taken away from him by illegal mafia syndicates to Sydney, Australia. These 2 elephants were as close as kin and so Kham sets about trying to save them desperately. And in foreign Sydney the movie paints a sad picture of how Thais are looked down upon and associated with illegal deeds... also seen in Thai Police officer Mark whose word does not seem to bear weight compared to his Australian counterparts. And who could miss the engaging performance of the half-man-half-woman freak -- Madame Rose. I actually like his character! Desperate for acknowledgement and power, he resorts to underhanded means to gain succession of his uncle's business to be number 1. Yet he never seems satisfied, and seems to be protecting his position out of insecurity and fear. Well in the end, good prevails over evil. That makes a good ending for me (I absolutely love good over evil endings). And did anyone ever notice the stunning beauty in the ending, which relates us back to Kham's relationship with his elephant, "Por Yai", how he ends up in Por Yai's tusks once again in the end, like being carried in his arms. It was a really poignant scene portraying -- love -- Did anyone notice? Or are my emotions being overplayed? Is this just a fighting scene after all? Not to mention, the action sequences in themselves were terrific all the same!  [Click to Read more]
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." As such, if i am but a branch, all i have to do is grow along with the vine... i don't need to get too stressed up over whether I will bear fruit in the future... because it all depends on the Vine!! I can only bear fruit when I get my "minerals" from the vine. In this world.. what is our idea of "bearing fruit"? The first thing that comes to my mind is ---> Success. Or say.. getting what we want out of life. But that so self-focused. God's idea of bearing fruit is to produce joy, peace, love, kindness, goodness, patience, and faithfulness! and we can only bear this kind of fruit when we are truly - In Christ - which means - walking in His paths, doing the things that are good, noble, positive, and obedient to His Will and His ways of Love. If we are but a branch, and yet seek to break off to become our own tree,... (disbelieving that we were ever attached to a vine in the first place)... we'd be a lost branch, and we'd have died (a spiritual death). So many is the case today. And yet, many "DRIED TWIGS" out there believe they are doing great when they truly are "broken off" from the true VINE! How true isn't it?
Just thinking about my life and activities, i think it's pretty interesting. I do a lot of stuff and I also don't do a lot of "Common" stuff. Things I do: Dinners, movies & all with friends (ok. common.) Go blading, tennis if i can fit it in my schedule Trying to go to the gym regularly Looking for a dance class to join Occasional mahjong Watch anime/read manga Spend whole days on the computer Prata Suppers Serve in a small youth group in hope of bringing revival to the church Play in a String trio for weddings Try to revive a floundering church orchestra Things I wish to do: Play violin in a musical Learn music composition Do my website (forever.. i'm like never gonna get this done) Travel Try wakeboarding Things I don't do: Clubbing Smoke Slime people Sing at karaoke Watch sitcoms (like friends, sex in the city) Shopping (seldom) Pretty much the common stuff
Just tonight, I was prancing and walking around like a zombie - looking at my new blades. ahah... and deciding whether to do my olps orchestra stuff (which i did not and pushed to tomorrow again). And I decided I HAD TO READ THE BIBLE. I was hungry yet it's not a physical hunger but more like feeling not satisfied with things. I was tired yet could not sleep because I feel like I'm searching for an answer to Why is serving God so tough? So then i opened it, praying "Lord, what have you gotta tell me?" And I just thought.. i need endurance. Lord... So you've got anything to say about that? EH? And springs to mind "JAMES" and I wonder if it's just me coz i went blading with a friend called James recently. heh. And in James, I see this: James 5:7 -11Be patient, then, my brothers, until the Lord comes. See how patient a farmer is as he waits for his land to produce precious crops. He waits patiently for the autumn and spring rains. You must also be patient. Keep your hopes high, for the day of the Lord's coming is near. (THIS TALKS ABOUT YAM for me) (AND THE NEXT TALKS ABOUT OLPS ORCHESTRA) Do not complain against one another,my brothers, so that God will not judge you. The judge is near, ready to appear. My brothers, remember the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Take them as examples of patient endurance (THE WORD ENDURANCE!!!) under suffering. We call them happy (blessed) because they endured. You have heard of Job's patience and you know how the Lord provided for him in the end. For the Lord is full of mercy and compassion.
 My new Salomon Deemax! SO pleased.. finally got a new pair of blades at last! It's supposed to be some sort of reward that I'd get myself after my 2nd month of work at IQPC, but i guess, the sale couldn't wait for me! Meanwhile, yesterday was a cool day at Pauline's place.. mahjong with my KC buddies Choon Muan, Prisci & Audrey! It's so funny, it seems a very grownup thing to do - Play mahjong. In school back then, no one would have dreamt that we'd end up playing mahjong one day. Haha!And just for blogging's sake, I rode a bike! Sat pillion on Audrey's bike last Tues.. it was scary, exhilarating and at that point, you just live for the moment. I get the jitters at the turns though, anything that gets the balance to tilt.. ahh!And as for me... life is good and packed now. Though i am still using too much time for ministry stuff. I guess, it's the superwoman syndrome. I gotta cut-down. How often have i felt like I'm the only crazy one with all the crazy church ideas and no one to follow suit. Sometimes, even I dare not carry them out.. ironically. That's why I so desire a team with like-minded people as I know that I cannot work alone. I'm glad that the rest are slowly coming to open up towards my new ideas, though it's always the ablity to take action on them that counts. Lastly... trying to pioneer something with OLPS Orchestra is like playing with the stockmarket. You know that there's something great. But as stock prices plunge, you dread each day and the time comes when you wonder whether you should even have bought the shares in the first place. Then comes the decision whether to keep and wait, or sell. And I'm stuck. Not that I wanna sell on it.. I'm here to stay. Have promised myself that I can achieve something with this. But the going is tough. No one to count on. Plus working with an old priest whom sticks by old principles and it's just super impossible at this stage. And i tell myself, "ALL Things Are Possible".. and an eyebrow twitches. Mouth creases into a thin line. Really? I find it hard to believe. ANd yet i'm here. By the grace of God. or would one say - trial? heh It's so tough. But I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. If any case, I'm just gonna do what I believe is right. Of course, guided by prayer and discernment. I believe the Lord has placed me here. TO serve and not to be served. Now who likes being the waitress or waiter? You have to do the job and serve the customer well. Only that in this case, it is a few bunch of people who come to play music. I've gotta serve them well. It's just like.. a self-volunteered death penalty. Then people will definitely tell me - why don't you quit then? I think.. perhaps? But then again.. i think -- I haven't even tried hard enough. This is just the initial complaining.. you know.. when you wonder what you've got yourself into. But i know that the Lord leads, and I need not fear nor feel anxious. The christian God is a God who comforts. And I am strengthened by His presence. Indeed, it is amazing.
Presenting the Three Beauties...  What a Jazzy weekend. Had quite some fun playing at Conrad.. up on a 1m+ high platform which was so super high you'd think we were the stars of the night.. eehh.... anyway, blame it on not being our day.. we sounded baaaadddd..... ohh.. we definitely need more practice! Nevertheless.. I love the band at Harry's at Boat Quay after the performance. It was really goooooddd.. and inspires me all the more to pick up proper guitar to do some jazz! Met Elaine's jazz piano teacher and some cool guitar dudes there.. Mike & Rick? Jeese, forgot their names already.. As for now, been so tired the weekend.. i'm so grateful for the two holidays this week. A great big PHEW! While it's chillout, it's also catchup though.. gotta do the things i need to do. Yet it's a bit too much work. Am I working myself too hard? Yes I am still super busy as ever. So bad can't go blading much with Ruby and Pauline.. and even haven't met up with ade and colleen for some time.. geesh.. is this life? My time is so limited. I wanna spend every minute meaningfully. But.. Hmmm so much that i'm not sleeping every night, soaking up every minute of the day & night. It's cool, and I like the feeling of living "wildly" (to put it in that sense...). Of course, that "lack of discipline" rather is getting to me.. and this week, I hope its a time to regain myself and go back to normal sleep hours. So what's happening in my life right now? Countless of cool exciting things... and increased responsibilities. Ministry, OLPS orchestra, String performance, friends, work.. things tt i have to do like.. shopping (it's more a liability to me than a pleasure).. keep healthy.. all these suck up time and sometimes.. on the contrary, creates less joy. It's ironic. It's weird. I'm still trying to understand this weird phenomena. It only leaves me to realise, that the only joy i can derive is not from the things i do or the people i meet, it's from being close to God. Then I will possess that joy in my own being, when i meet people, and not seek it from them. I'd give - rather than wait to receive. Also, simply, we are never satisfied. Humans are we - never satisfied. I want so much to just be able to rest in HIS presence and not have to worry about all the things i have to do... ARgh: there's so many things! Eg: - Call all the people at OLPS Orchestra to find out who is still In the orchestra or out. Who's gonna do that? no one. and I'm now the "head" of this orchestra.. so I have to do it. - YAM - need i say more. - Go driving. Eons. been saying that. Still not done. - Play Guitar at John 10:10. - Design saccre 2006 calendar-card - OLPS orchestra publicity - Need to exercise - Need to maintain a social life.. - Need to spend personal time Man.. the list can go on and on. I just wanna chill out man. Suffering from burnout. It is isn't it? I think it's pretty obvious. At times like this, i feel like a one-man woman (haha... or issit one-man show..?) and well.. it gets self-absorbing.. and overly narrowing and stifling. That's why tonight was a good breather. Was out at Boat QUay for dinner with Pauline and we blew like $50 bucks on Thai Food, dessert, taxi.. .. but its' worth it. I can't have chilled out better. What's better than a good ole choco cake and good night view? I think it's pure bliss! Before i go ranting on and on at 5:33am in the morning.. i better stop and try to get some sleep!
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