Reflection – 23 June 2007

I have finally set up a Youth Arise Ministry blog! Yippee. Well, so that takes off much of the God/Church reflections from this blog, but nevertheless, you’ll still see some here – will still share the personal reflections here, coz I believe everything can be a learning lesson for everyone.. and I’m not afraid to point at myself and examine myself!

Well, today I reached home at 2am after a long day. We had a farewell lunch for my marketing colleague.. aw.. so sad another one leaving.. had lunch at Waraku at Marina. Nice place!! Much better than others.. I liked it. Not to mention, the Ben & Jerry’s dessert at Suntec after that!!!

It was a great time being out with colleagues, and chatting about churchy stuff with Charissa (our intern). Amazingly… it’s amazing how the Lord brings healing to a person. I have an old time friend of the same name, and we kinda parted ways when we went to secondary school. For some reason or other, we didn’t manage to keep in touch, and I was very very very upset. I was afraid to keep in touch.. I dunno why.. I felt she no longer wanted to be my good friend.. and found other more ‘cool’ friends around. So I was very upset during my early sec 1 days. Not that anyone really knew I think. So it’s funny how this lil intern brings me so much joy.. she’s so much in love with God and with praise & worship.. plays the drums… and she’s called Charissa. Brings me back to the good old days with my friend – I still remember everything we did in primary school… really.

After work today, it was the surprise farewell party for Susan, our olps youth coordinator. It was a really nice event… so well done.. so good job.. kudos to the youths there with so much potential. I was really glad to be there. I was glad to help. Glad to be part of the community there and increasingly wishing I could know the youths better.

Then at 10pm, Abi and I jetted off to Eugene’s place for our YAM gathering..tonight was relaxed, just chilling out… talk about ministry, about the recent YISS camp, and all their experiences. Good time to bond once again. It was sweet..!

But on the way home, I was struck by a feeling yet again of inadequateness. Leadership – has never been my cup of tea. I mean.. we have all the aspiring leaders.. who are good at so many things.. why not let them lead? Why me God? It brought me back to asking – why do I serve God? Even if no one praises the work I do, do I still serve God? And Do I even need the praise of men?

Then, I thought another debilitating thought: that how can I be a leader if I don’t really want to listen to God and sit down each day trying to be obedient.. and seek His will in everything I do? Sometimes, I’d rather just count on common sense, worldly wisdom/experience, and even just flagrant disregard for what a leader should be doing – leading his people.

Then I just got all upset… with myself. Leadership. Is so difficult. I wish I weren’t one. I wish I could just shy away and hide and disappear from the Earth. I just want to go Home.. in Heaven.. now..

But like what was talked with Charissa today at lunch… sometimes, those who ask God to call them home.. never do. Until they finish the mission that God has intended for them to do.

And for me? This is my mission. This is what I was here for. I was made for a purpose. I was made for God’s glory and God’s kingdom. So I better just do it!

Then I thought… ok perhaps, I ought to think that if the Spirit can speak to me, he can give me a verse now. And this verse floated into my mind... So I went to check it out on the net, later, and found it to be the one from ROMANS 8:28-30 –

Romans 8:28-30
We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the first-born among many brethren. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.

This article expounds this verse even more: READ

I felt that if God called me, HE will justify me. So I don’t need to worry about not being ‘qualified’.

Then while reading the article (above link) another verse then strikes me again (as it did last week TOO at the Planetshakers event):

1 Corinthians 1:26–30
For consider your call, brethren; not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth; but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong, God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom, our righteousness and sanctification and redemption; therefore, as it is written, "Let him who boasts, boast of the Lord."

Let me Boast of the Lord.

Well, another thought: Transformation is easy to preach.. but not easy to do. Today mum just passed me a newspaper article entitled “Transform yourself” – and I looked at it with dread.

What about those people who are not too interested in God then? even worse. So I can fully understand the feeling.

So well… all I can do now is thank God for giving me the understanding… widening my horizons. … and for the opportunity to prepare for the 30th July YAM session, the Revival Seminar, and the 7th July Archdiocese Youth Day.

These are certainly challenges that I am glad to be a part of. Certainly we do not serve the Lord in vain.. for our God is a prosperous God who will reward all our good deeds and service done in Love.

Ephesians 2:10 continue to sustain me. I like the numbers, it’s like Feb 10, my birthday:
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And I found out about this verse today too, from the article above too: 2 Timothy 2:10!
I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation which in Christ Jesus goes with eternal glory.

Isn’t it exciting!