YISS prep camp

O God, I asked for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for help that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men most richly blessed.


Where can I go from the presence of God? His all-knowing presence? I can't seem to hide from Him. When i hide things inside - hurts and pains, it has to come out one day.. and this prep camp once again touches on those sore points and threatens to bring it all out in one big gusto. I am afraid of what may happen. What change will have to occur in my life.

Truly, we settle for things that are comfortable, whether good or bad. But God wants change. Change that brings freedom.. We may think we are living in freedom, but we may be living a lie. It's just like the matrix. In fact, totally.

Sometimes, it gets so hard to tell which is reality. Is it the life i create for myself? Sometimes cushioned with all my wants and desires.. my hobbies, interests and preferences - which could be un-godly - or is it the life that God wants for us, which seems unrealistically difficult - a life of denying the flesh and seeking after God's ways and radical obedience.

But the latter - following God - is the real answer to true freedom. Because only then will we find what we are created for - our purpose for living. We can give ourselves our own purposes for living, but it's our own ideas. What's God's? That we live a Good life? we can never be too good. Perhaps, all God wants is for us to LOVE.

And i find that when I cannot love, i am living in denial.

Denial that everything is fine as long as i prove myself to live a successful life. But waht is success?

Success in God's eyes, is LOVE.

For without love, we are like an empty gong.

Once again , i am drawn to this age-old topic on love. Christianity. Love. Is that all there is? Unfortunately yes. And Fortunately, Love is all you need to enter heaven - not success.

I chastise myself.. and beg for change. Perhaps, it's me that needs it. Then the others will follow. As the saying goes.

God bless!