What a pleasant day

Self-fulfillment. Something that occurs when you have done something you wished to do.

For the whole week i'd been struggling to sit down and write my FYP paper.. nevermind that it is only 1/3 of the whole thing and in little parts.. finally managed to do it today (Saturday).. it wasn't totally completed yet, but then, what's a draft for!

I have this whole thing with work nowadays - if it looks totally overwhelming, my brain switches off and I have this mindset that says no I can't do it if I only have 1 hr.. I need 6 straight hours to sit and do it.. if not, I just can't do it. I dunno why I have this funny habit.. but i think many people will understand.. its not easy to do something and then have to stop to go somewhere else. Well, finally I've passed the initial barrier.. things should be smoother from here I suppose!

Had a wonderful meeting with some friends from church today, to plan an evangelism project! Finally, we have an idea. Its so exciting to know that we're gonna do something. On the other hand, I know that as frail as humans are, we are so apt to feeling disappointed if things should not work out, or if we don't see eye to eye. I sometimes fear letting people down. Why? Its not me who's supposed to keep their faith up.. its God.. I only help to guide as best as i can..

I realised recently too that I have been holding myself back - from so many things - I wish to talk to a person but I dare not - I wish to ask a person something but I don't - I wish to be happy, But i make myself sad - I wish to show compassion to a person who comes to sell tissue packets, but i shove that person away with a straight face. How christian is that? I think I bow my head in shame. I feel like a rock - hardened by fear of what i also don't know.

But I know too that perhaps, all these are happening that I may really know WHO I truly am. I believe i've gotta be more real, more kind.. even though I'm generally quite amiable,.. sometimes looks deceive us.. I must learn not to reject God's inner voice of conscience - which tells me "Go say a kind word to this friend..." or "Go & be forgiving.."

Well...all that aside..I find peace and joy in my reflections, knowing that like any clay pot being passed thru the fire, I can say that now, I feel like I'm IN the fire. Everything sinful and not pleasing (to God) about me is coming to light and Lord! You gotta help me thru this!

And lastly.. I watched Howl's moving castle today! It was really interesting.. magical.. I'm transported to that world of Sophie.. just like Mononoke Hime... it's just enthralling.. I love it!