"Meaningless!" Ecclesiastes 1:2

What happens when people do not have a goal, a God, a purpose? You'd experience the feeling of restlessness, boredom, sadness, melancholy, self-gratification, being hungry, being lonely.. fear, anti-socialism.. and there's just no point in doing anything . Coz there's nothing to live for. It's really sad isn't it?

On the other hand.. it could be a principle of "Do What you Like" and live like there's no tomorrow. After all, life is short. True True. But all these goes to glorify Ourselves. Our achievements.. eg. What 'I' managed to accomplish.. what I managed to do by my own strength... It's the classic "Me Myself and I". Similarly.. there's no God in the picture.

I think in the past few days, I've finally managed to understand a bit more of what it feels like with a person who has no God. No beliefs. Nothing to live for. Who cares? What the heck? Just do what you like? A life with no rules. And also.. on the reverse.. people with everything to live for. The World. Wanting to conquer the world. Self-fulfillment. I'm quite like that sometimes too. That's positive. But there's a catch. It' like just living for yourself.. for no one else..Even in Europe.. ironically...with so many beautiful Cathedrals and Churches.. I feel that God is far away....

The individuality of humanness.. being totally alone (aka.. away from God also)?

And the simple formula = Do what you like.

Much as this phrase seems like the essential "liberty?" and "freedom" we all crave in tiny, stressful Singapore.. its like..isn't there a catch to it?

In our life.. if we can just do what we like.. no consequences.. is there such a thing?

I am quite sure I have a God, a purpose, and goals. But as much as I have a God, a purpose, and many goals in my life, these past few days I've had a chance to look at it from a new perspective... I've had the chance to live without pressures from Church and friends in Church - and so, to be "holy" - without pressures to get a Job so as to be "purposeful" in life, and without many other pressures of societal norms.

Great is the experience of being alone. You come face to face with yourself. Your own person. In fact, it's been a wonderful "Time Out" period where I just exist - all I have is TIME. And it has been my dream for a very long time. I just want TIME. 24 hours. Doing what I like. Anything.

Yet as I delight in all the free time that I have on my hands now.. I a burdened with another thing. Funny as it seems.. as I just lie back doing Nothing.. relaxing I call it... and read manga all day long.. enjoy myself with food and long hours of sleep.. all's nice and cosy.. I feel kinda weird.. that all these enjoyment.. won't last. In fact.. I fear because as I do so.. (am not praying much as well).. I feel a sense of distance from God. And when I pray.. there's a sense of pain. Why? If I am happy and relaxing and enjoying myself?

Could it be that Pleasure is not what man is made for? Or perhaps.. pleasure is part of life.. but not everything? Indeed in these quiet moments when I?m alone.. (In Between my Manga obsessions.. heahaaa) I manage to reflect. And I realise a nagging emptiness in the soul. Its an affliction of all mankind.. and that can only be filled by God. But how many people recognise this? How many people are willing to accept this? And that nagging emptiness at my soul prompts me to cry out for God.. coz I know that only He gives meaning to my life.

A startling conviction? No.. but a long time belief that I just have to remind myself of. Lest I forget.

The great theologian Augustine knew all about this. He says to God: You made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you! The Son of God Himself speaks to the issue: What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul (Mark 8:36)?

I rest my reflection.. What Intense emotions! Gee.. but what to do after 4 days being alone.

;P