It's been a super long time since i last blogged. Been very badly disciplined - sleeping late, watching vcd & anime and so forth. Harr.. i better change the habit... get back to 1am at latest.. heh.. (now it's like 2-3am each night)!

So well.. having a bit of designer's block while doing my jazzical belles site. I like to think in white and gray tones but to make the site look like purple with floral patterns all... i think it's hard. Well, my design skills are not as great as I would like it to be.

Anyway.. i have proclaimed my painting of SACRE COEUR (a church in France) finished. I took 6 sessions for it... man.. that's like worth $187.5 of lesson fees! But once again, lessons are not just lessons. It's like our destress time of the week - where we begin around 7plus and stay there, chatting, eating, whatever till midnight! It's really cool.. and i actually do miss the people at Art class when we skip a week (last Tues was May Day and I felt it lor!)

Recently, there's some hype about En-bloc sale of Hua Xin Court. Hmmm... when i first heard it I was like - gosh.. the idea sounded so foreign. Never in my dreams have i thought of moving away.. now this idea presents itself - the idea of being uprooted and moving to a new home - is totally not my cup of tea.

But there's no conclusion yet - phew - and i hope we won't move. Why move just because someone made an offer to us? Maybe want to build some 3-4 blocks of houses in the large space at HXC and make loads of money. I won't move just for that.

Money is not everything. Our house is splendid and i think for that worth of money, even if we find another place - it wouldn't be the same.

But then again. this comes to the question of change. We must be willing to adapt - not tooo fixed.. our homes literally speaking (as christians) are in heaven so our earthly journey is just a passage way - so moving house? No big deal right?

Yup indeed.. actually i neededn't be scared. If my home is found in Jesus - what have i to fear!

Oh well.. much said.. for me - going through another round of internal reflections and time of change.. it's time to move on to another phase. Thank God the winter phase is out. Kinda in Spring-summer now. But constantly finding things that make me stuck - thoughts and mindsets that are hard to break.

A recent thought: It is only Jesus who satisfies us. God created us for him, to praise him, to enjoy our lives as God's created beings. Now then, what condemns us is sin. And sin comes to us in so many hideous ways - sometimes we don't even recognise that it is sin. When we think we can do without God that's already sin of pride - wanting to do without God. Isn't it? Then again, there's better definitions of what is sin and not: ttp://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm

Sometimes in the quietness of my heart i feel God is asking us to follow him. The call is for every person. Then I actually see so vividly my human soul resisting. Resisting God. Why? Coz the soul cries out - why should I? why should I walk the tough road? Why can't I go the easy way? - because the very fact is that God's way is the narrow road - the road to heaven. Many people don't believe this and just rather walk the wide road that everyone is walking on. I am sad for this.

Other reasons i am sad is because of my weakness as a human being. Sometimes I lack. I lack drive.. sometimes joy.. sometimes.. love for people. So actually i've come to the point to admit that really the only thing that satisfies us is God. It's not a make-believe thing - something eternal that will never come to pass - There are visible results because of God's grace.

Sometimes u say a prayer. Then something good happens. Then we believe. But sometimes we pray and nothing or badthings still happen - does that mean God does not exist? We are ignorant. Rather, we need to search harder to prove to the world that God exists.

Is God a psychological factor too? No. I truly believe in the Spiritual realm where God, Angels and Demons exist. And they are fighting a battle for our minds - every minute. That's why God says pray without ceasing - for our prayers are like warfare helping God to win. If we are for Him, we are conquerers.

But when we do not, as with many of us, many times.. there is no battles won in the spiritual realm.

I need to fight my own battles - but God will do the winning for me. Now i must start by picking up the word of God! Gotta start reading again man!!