Life - the brevity of it all

Today I have the experience of Ecclesiastes.

Did you know this is one of my favourite books of the bible? Why? Because it says - most negatively...

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

Sometimes, I truly believe in this. But likewise, as I hold this belief, I also hold the opposite contrasting point of view that every small thing, is meaningful. Even just enjoying "today".

Today, I met up with Col & Ade my 2 uni roomies since 2001. Col and I realised today that we have been friends for now 8 years! Almost a decade. Not short at all. And tho i say this, my old friends, I still also remember you with all fondness!!!!!

Anyway, the point is,... about enjoying "today". I had the best Japanese food in a long time, at Ajitei at Plaza Sing. I was really hungry today after a lousy lunch. Then, we watched the movie Yes Man, which is also a positive funny movie which leaves a good aftertaste in your mouth.

And fulfills the part about Enjoying TODAY.

Eccl.Chapter2: 24 A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Now where does Ecclesiastes come in the picture?

Eccl. Chapter 2: 14 The wise man has eyes in his head,
while the fool walks in the darkness;
but I came to realize
that the same fate overtakes them both.

15 Then I thought in my heart,
"The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
What then do I gain by being wise?"
I said in my heart,
"This too is meaningless."

16 For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
in days to come both will be forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise man too must die!

That is because later tonight, after reaching home, mum came in to chat. Yup, it was some 'advice'. Yes, and i know sometimes, you are supposed to 'listen' to your old folks because "jiang hai shi lao de la"... the older, the wiser. But somehow, I am offended. I took it un-graciously. Once again, some kind of automated defence mechanism to parental advice. Sigh.

Mum was saying, that I should go into the things I like to do with greater focus/depth. If I didn't get her wrong, she meant that I should really make it count and last rather than skimming the surface and not going deep into any of them, whether it be music, art, or what other nots that I am doing or have interest to do.

I retorted back saying why do the world want to define 'success' and if i am not achieving something great in those fields, does that mean i am not successful, and if I am not 'deep' in any of them, what is wrong anyway?

Then she shared it is because she thought of herself - that she may have liked to develop her networking in the optical industry but she only thought of this on hindsight and now it is a bit too late. She can only thus advise me that I can learn from it for my own life.

I understand. But somehow, i am still offended. I am thinking... if you want me to go into something deeper, I am definitely NOT IT! I do not have a one ambition for my life. I am not someone who has a dream since young and always wanted to get there.

Or maybe i had but lost it? and therefore now i am swimming around on the surface just enjoying myself each day doing the 'small things'?

I am thinking - last time in PRI 6... the art teacher recommended me for AEP -- i am thinking.. why then did i not go for that. I am thinking... - last time, Mr Yeo told me about the Singapore Youth Orchestra. I am thinking.. why did i not go for that.

I am thinking... since I love japanese and church work,... why don't i just go to japan and do missionary work. I am thinking - that is absurd.

I am thinking... since I loved art, and now am barely trying my best to get back in... dun add pressure again.

I am thinking... since I have loved violin and it is the one thing I myself volunteered/opted to learn, and now am continuing my violin still in the quartet, string alumni, the trio jazzical belles, and in church olps ensemble... is that still not enough...

I am thinking... if you want me to go 'in depth'... what if i drop everything and become a real full-time church worker... is that 'successful'?

So i am puzzled and also really negative about it. I think i am already trying my best to enjoy life... so don't come and throw wet blanket.

Eccl 3:11 - He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Eccl 5: 19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. 20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

Really like the little nonya theme song - coz it's so poignant. Poignant is a magic word for me: