Immense Joy

Well, how to describe yesterday... First day of school.. no lessons, but did FYP at punggol... our project is gaining a far huger scale, and it's scary yet challenging! The adrenaline really makes you wanna go on, move, get things done, be where you're supposed to be...

Then Youth Group core meeting where we decided on plans for the ministry this year. IT was super. Although i had fyp at the back of my mind, i just couldn't miss this.. it was one of the best meetings ever.. vision set, hearts aflamed, mission passed on, everyone's raring to go!

I will be taking on a Growth Group (our version of Cellgroups) this year. You can't imagine the excitement - It's akin to drinking 5 Flaming Lamborginis! As a G2L (Growth Group Leader), The one criteria that is needed is to have love for people. And yet, the first thing that comes to me when I reach home last night, is a challenge to love.

Stony and tired amidst doing fyp stuff late into the wee hours of the morning, it is not hard to reply with a gruff response. Not that I can't feel, not that I can't love, but just busy. There are so many things in life to be occupied with. There's a time for grieving, but there's also a time for laughing. Don't underestimate me for not being able to "Feel" for others. I've many times felt so much - for the lost and dying in this world, for those who don't know Jesus, and wept silent tears. I've felt the feeling of those who are being lost, felt the feeling of those who are last and ugly and unwanted, and the feeling of those who don't meet their achievements. And wept silent tears. Just because I don't cry out loud doesn't mean I don't feel. I cry. I do cry. I do have my fair share of pain. But I keep it aside. I strive not because of the pain, but because I know that In Christ, I am victorious. I am ABLE to GET OVER IT! Over what? Over my own weaknesses, over the not-so-nice things that happen to me in life. And in Christ, He always gives us a hope for the future, a mission to live for.

WHY LIVE FOR THE DAY? When we can live for tomorrow, and for eternity? THere's so much to do, so much more to go, for the Kingdom of God.

Will anyone understand what I am feeling? I feel. I feel. I hurt too.