I want nothing, everything, something..

What's been going on? many things. But this post is something about me. I look calm on the outside, but on the inside.. it's a walking contradiction. There's dialogues going on all the time, and sometimes, the good side wins, sometimes the bad side wins.

It's like balancing on a tightrope. I lean to the right, then as soon as I'm going to lose balance, i bounce to the left. And it goes on.

Spiritual warfare is like that isn't it? I bounce from thinking I am like nothing, to thinking that I am really something indeed. From being proud of myself, to being totally displeased.

Recently, I had discounted myself again. Thinking myself less than what I should be thinking. And i realise, that am I content just to fade into the background? Not to be noticed? Not to be too ambitious, not to be too happy, not to be too... .. it could go on.

As the recent Christ @ Work conference showed me, it is all stemming from FEAR.

And many times, we forget about the existence of GOD altogether. I forget it many times. I forget that i shouldn't fear the world, but rather, Fear the Lord. I should not live in the shadows but be the light. I should not be displeased with myself, but let the Lord work in me to become the person he created me to be.

All these positive versus the negative thoughts are really like warfare within my head. And it is only with a short prayer that I find I can beat the negative thoughts.

THat is the power of internal dialogue, positive talk/thinking, or whatever you call it. For me, I just call it - prayer. Coz i'm talking to GOD.

IF one doesn't believe in God, sometimes, we think we are just talking to ourselves. But GOD (i'm a believer of course), is always a silent listener, occassionally popping out to make his presence "felt". He is gentle and kind... like a lamb.

It reminds me, THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD > There is Nothing I shall Want.

IT shouldn't be I want nothing (good); I want everything the world has; I want something from God at time to time.

It should be I want nothing (Bad /the world has); I want everything (that God has planned for me to do); I want something (GOD alone).


You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see" (Rev 3:14-18).