Kokoro wa doushite sonnani sabishii desu ka?

Today - the blog is titled 'heart'.. The heart is so many things, fragile? emotional? strong? etc..

Just watched Nodame 2 today...soo sweet. Yet, it strikes a chord with me deeply. Nodame searches for her own path in life rather than following chiaki - ultimately she finds it... and rises up to the challenge of 'living life' and pursuing her dreams. I am finding myself in a similar predicament... but not so romantically... more like, it's really an ideal.

It makes me think, what am I searching for? In life, what are we pursuing? Aren't I facing the music head on? Facing life, doing what I should be doing, now then, how come sometimes, it never seems enough?

And yet, like Nodame, I think she is doing all that she does, because of love. I wonder, whether I will ever have that kind of love for someone. The feeling that it may never happen to me, is quite painful.

Oh well, then again, I put up all the walls around me and don't let anyone near, or let myself go near anyone. Why? Why? Why?

Everyone is searching for that special someone... I just see it everyone... we all long for someone to be close to, share similar dreams, passions, goals, hobbies, fun, interests, etc.

When I think about it, I find that maybe I am ok by my own. But I dun know if it's just whether i am putting up that strong exterior... whether my heart truly longs for a special person to share dreams with?

In any case, the practical side of me, says, it's better to be alone. There is less trouble. Less pressure. Less requirement to love. Maybe i take comfort in that too.