Jan's finally over..

January has been a hectic month.. yet I don't feel that i've done very much.... managed to settle the beginnings for YAM and Olpsorchestra, and had volunteered to do saccre youth website on top of yam's still-pending website & olps youth e-newsletter..

And january's been all about proving myself.. at work - finding what i really can do or cannot do... and feeling shitty coz i thought my work was mediocre.

But... I'm CONFIRMED!

The first thing my mktg director said is that "I'm glad you didn't leave!" Perhaps she thought that I'd leave coz of whatever factors? but the office is a good place to be in.. right now and I still wanna stay!! no leaving for me yet! I still have so much to learn.

Meanwhile,..

I know it's one thing to depend on God, but this question still bothers me --- If I say: God lead me, DO I still need to consciously put thought & effort into the things I'm doing? Yes right? But if i do so, it's more like I lead myself -- using my own judgements and logic to decide on whether I should or not do something. And God is not being in the picture. And isn't that how people live their lives? I'm talking about my parents, people around me, christians, catholics.. we just live our lives and then when we pray, we ask God,.. bless us- make everything go alright. Is this the way it should be?

or is there a grey area in between?

Somehow i'm not convinced. There's more to depending on God than that! But i know that God is teaching me - in His time. Lots of discernment and "walking with the Holy Spirit" involved, that people who are not in ministry will not even bat an eyelid to think about.

Maybe that's what peeves me.

Call that ugly self-righteousness taking place... seesh. I need a quiet CNY.