Happy

It's been a good past week. Maybe thru the birthday week, everything feels good.

But i believe, everything is related somehow, to our spirituality.

ok why? 9th of FEB i gave a session on 'more love through prayer' -- yes even as I say this, i flinch inside with all the thoughts of how I don't exactly always reflect more love through prayer.

But the whole point about it is -- even as you are the one giving the talk that you don't quite believe or am expert in, God works mysteriously. This week, once again, I feel free, and even as I can observe the spiritual battles in my thoughts between positive, negative, positive, negative, I have geared towards the positive a few more times this week, compared to the week before. So that's a little improvement!

On a lighter note,... I've been listening to the Ghibli CD almost everyday now... and I simply love it - not enough. Still can go on another week.. The music is just awesome.. can't describe how i feel. It takes me into another world altogether. Mesmerising.

I've also watched Ruby's gift -- the PIXAR short films. Very interesting.. how animation came to be at pixar, since the 1980s. I have a new respect for all animators. Though no personal interest to learn this extremely difficult sounding topic. The 2-D online arena is enough for me.

At work... we had our company outing today -- went to kallang leisure park to skate.... once again... i try my "feet" at ice skating -- not bad... i like it much better this round -- it gives me a wonderful adrenaline rush and I just so much wanna put on my blades now and go out to east coast once again. I think, this will be the kickstart to me resuming my blading again.

Actually - i think everything is within the mind - it's true - how you wanna plan something, do something,.. etc.. at the end, it all comes to how fixed and strong your mind - if you set your mind to something and do it - you will succeed. Why we don't succeed is because we did not really put our whole mind heart and soul into something. So I ask myself, am I doing that in my life, my career, my relationships, my personal life -- all the areas that I complain about,, what am I doing about them?

Unfortunately, this is also the time when with all the questions looming above you,.. you just wanna go ARGH and swipe them all away. OK... think about them tmrw.. don't worry so much for today. But the cycle never ends. As I said, this week, being a pretty good week - I felt more positive too - and feel more able to deal with all these questions. And yet I also struggle with half of me wanting to be nothing, to disappear, while half of me, wants to fulfill all criterias of living - to get a good job, career, life, be seen as a happy person, enjoy life, live life to the full, etc etc.

And these struggles bring me back to spirituality once again. There is really nothing in this world that can solve the problem of the human soul -- the constant craving for more - the lusts after the things of this world -- the longing for true love -- the suffering of not being whole (always lacking in something)...

Truly st. augustine is right - when he says - "my heart is restless until it rests in you, O Lord."

This is so true.

After talking about prayer last Saturday, I can't help but pray more myself this week.... AND i am suddenly much more aware of God's presence in me, my life, and around me... and my own lack of love, and my own lack of Godliness... how it has slipped so much from say, few years ago (when i felt more madly in love with Jesus)...

So.. it's a new thing. God is always doing a new thing in our lives.

Tonight... i shall sleep early - for once... at 12mn. Haha.. no more late night scrabulous or anime today... maybe this can be my lenten fast -- from late nights???? Yeh.. come to think of it.. i haven't fixed what I wanted to fast from. This sounds good..