Born Free....

Born Free.. ... Fujifilm!!... hahaha... heard that song the other day while I was trying to book a cab.. heh..

Anyways.. after a very stressful Wednesday Piahing for the FYP report.. it is finally finally over!!! And u can't imagine how Free I felt..

Anyways.. talking about being free.. i realised that i feel so much free-er without specs. I think one day, I will go for Lasik! I will. Definitely. The specs is restricting my vision. Literally, and metaphorically. I need to be free!! BE free!!..

And well to take the idea even further.. in the Christian concept.. we were born "NOT FREE" Unlike the song.. we were not born free because after original sin.. (Adam & Eve).. we fell out of communion with God. While He intended we to be born perfect and FREE, we were not because of OUR own doing.. Not GOD's! That's why today, some people are born good and all, while some are less fortunate.

I just had a interesting discussion with my fyp friends today about capitalism. Hmm would have liked to talk more if there was time. But anyways.. Capitalism. Aren't we all victims of it. In the christian concept once again.. it's called secularism. And just as we try to live by The Spirit and not In The World.. we are all part of "THE STRUCTURE".. a bit like matrix..

The Solution? No answer? I believe God has.. actually... it's simply to Live in the World, but not be Of this World.

Hiaz.. once again.. to a non-christian, this sounds so difficult to understand..

God bless us and save us all!

I wanna be happy

There can be a thousand failures but ONE success.. and it'll be good enough..

Just pondering.. Over what makes a Christian different from another person.. how much more "benefit" do we have than another person.

Basically...None. Only the saving knowledge of Jesus. Perhaps, that's enough to brighten our darkest days, lift our moods in the worst of moods, and give us strength to carry our burdens and struggle through the woes of life... perhaps.

So disheartened by the feeling of being fat. I'm gonna lose weight.. i say.. and so I must.. it's tiring to feel this way. overburdened by fear, dislike, unhappiness.

And not to mention the feeling of longing for something that you can't have. Or the feeling of envy. The grass is always greener on the other side.

I need to be content. Argh. :(


Anyways.. today i appeared in an interview for a friend. Hehe.. it will be shown on Channel U on 21st april. Shucks.. so geeky in my specs and school attire.. didn't really know what to expect. Anyways.. its amazing at what a makeover can do to a person. U shall see on Channel U.. if u catch that episode.. new programme.

The Belt of Truth...

I had a dream last night that I forgot my belt! haha!

Anyway, the idea stuck hard and fast... because as u know.. in Ephesians, it speaks also of the "Belt of Truth". So it prompted me to check up on the "Belt of Truth" Which perhaps I had forgotten.. and it was kinda like a message from God for me. I think perhaps I did indeed forget my belt! That's why i've been so frought in anxiety in my pursuit of doing God's work.

The article goes like this:

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might." (Ephesians 6:10)

Where will the believer find strength for warfare? Paul begins the paragraph on our Heavenly Armor with the word, "Finally..." Paul has spent the last 5 chapters going over everything we need to be successful in our Christian walk. Before we can STAND against the fiery darts of the wicked we need to realize that we must first --->

SIT with Christ in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6-9)

and We must know how to WALK in Him down here. What does sitting do for us? Sitting is an attitude of rest. In the Spiritual realm, to sit down is simply to rest our whole weight, our load, ourselves, our future, everything -- upon the LORD.

Jesus said, "Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy ladened and I will give you rest."

Our Christian life begins when we, like Mary (not Martha) have learned to sit at the feet of our Lord.

Jesus said, "IT IS FINISHED"Jesus is the VICTOR. Because victory belongs to Jesus, it is ours. GOD made it so.

It is only when we SEAT ourselves with JESUS that we can WALK.

Ephesians 4:1,2 -- "I therefore, the prisoner in the LORD, beseech you to WALK worthily of the calling wherewith ye were called, with all lowliness and meekness..."

Ephesians 5:2 -- "WALK in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for you."

Ephesians 5:8,10 --"WALK as children of light, ... proving what is well-pleasing unto the Lord."

In order to STAND we must make use of EVERY piece of armor given to us by GOD.

Ephesians 6:13, "Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm."Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm."

Who is the enemy?

1 Peter 5:8,9 "Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the devil, your great enemy ... He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour ... Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith ... Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

What armor has God provided and which part of the body does it provide security?

Ephesians 6:14, "Stand your ground, putting on the *Sturdy Belt of Truth*..." The belt was used to hold the soldier's clothing next to his body. This kept his clothing from flapping about and allowed him freedom of movement. The belt was also used to give strength and support.

What is God's truth that the believer is to put on as a belt?

Ephesians 4:24, "You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness -- righteous, holy, and true." ((my personal opinion, Oh God, may I not lead others astray in my opinions...))

Where does the SWORD rest while we are not using it?
In a special "sheath/belt" designed to carry it.

OK, let's make an application....In order to rightly divide using the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of GOD, we must first have had an encounter with the Gospel Message, the TRUTH of the Gospel, ((Belt of Truth)). Out of this encounter will come His Spirit who indwells us, giving us strength and support while instructing us in God's Word ((Sword of Spirit)).

Ephesians 1:13, "And now you also have heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit."

Another application to the belt of truth would be ((actually, this application will be a fruit of the other)): Since Satan depends on deceit to maintain his power, our first line of defense is always to be truthful. We must never distort or misrepresent the truth, regardless of any advantage we might gain by doing so. We are to live a life of truthfulness.

How can the "belt of truth" help us in our daily walk? (remember the purpose of the belt is to keep clothing from flapping around and to also give support and strength to the body)

It will keep us from "flapping around" from one belief system to another.

Ephesians 4:14, "That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine,..." Paul is very specific about our belief in Christ Jesus as the "only way" to GOD. If we have put on the Gospel message that Paul preached we will not be easily led into a false belief system.

It keeps us from getting all tangled up with the affairs of this life.

2 Tim 2:3-4, "Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. And as Christ's soldier, do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life, for then you cannot satisfy the one who has enlisted you in his army."

It supports us in our battles and trials of life.

Psalm 18:32, "It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect."

Phil 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

KNOW whom you have believe-ed!

My Life Application Bible says, "Satan fights with lies, and sometimes his lies sound like truth; but only believers have God's truth which can defeat Satan's lies."Blaise Pascal stated: "We arrive at the truth not by reason alone, but also by the heart."

World Traveller

I'm feeling like i can travel anywhere in Singapore now. Been going to places. Bukit timah.. thomson.. current hideouts.. not to mention it used to be Punggol. Now that's a bit stale.. it's moving on to the West now..

Meanwhile.. I now feel like I wanna become a Global citizen. Interesting thought coz i never never never thought of it before. hehe.. thanks to the trip planning for Europe in May-June. I really can't wait! But still so many things to do!

Anyway till then.. Planetshakers concert was really cool.. I am still rocking from it.. nah not really actually.. more like.. to Audio Adrenaline.. my old fav - u can hear the song playing now: Mighty Good Leader Track No.2 from "Underdog" album.

Well.. someone asked me lately how am I emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I thought damn hard. So what is it? I said, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice heading towards the North Pole.. a place where not many people wanna go.. and its like not knowing whether I'll fall or sink so the only way is to keep on walking forward. When its cold, tiring, unmotivating, the only way is to keep walking. And so it is like in Galatians - pressing on for the goal... so it is with Jesus.. it's like a neverending journey. I'm thinking life feels so long.. what will it be like when I'm say - 50 years old! Geesh! What a thought...

Anyways, that person assured me that if I improve on my relationship with God, that thin ice will become like roads. Isn't that a wonder? A nice thought to behold.

Worried to Wonder

Hehe.. been trying to sleep early.. out of 4 days since Tuesday? managed 2, but the other 2 were late.. including today!

Anyways.. a lot of things worry me and it's just not good i know.. like.. I was just pensively pondering over the meaning of life.. and like.. how if u suddenly lose a loved one.. what's the feeling like.. how wouLD I react?? Perhaps, I"ll go nutz.. or i'll be as cool as a cucumber. Oh well.. that's a depressing thought... but i realised.. that we are really bounded by our fear of losing someone. I just realised that I do have a fear of losing my loved ones.. ju, mum, dad, mama penny.. and loved friends.. gee.. its a really scary thought..

But then again, God is good. I just prayed that He'd guide me.. in my future, my job.. career.. etc.. and then u know what? Today I just got high on hopes of doing well in my career again.. for sometime I didn't really believe in myself.. today a teacher said something that really inspired me.. he said he could write an appraisal for me if i wanted.. Wow! And when I went home,.. mum sat me down to tell me that I shld not wait till late july-aug to start on my resume.. i can start now. So well.. i really believe in God's guidance.. as "human" as it seems.. I believe He works through people and through life.

As scared as I am of the future.. I believe He gives me the strength to bear each test that comes my way. And He will replenish that strength each day, if only I would listen to Him and pray earnestly. Indeed.. I am comforted even by typing this blog. Hmm I should change the title from "worried" to "wonder" .. haha..

*few seconds later* yup changed.. so the title is now "worried to wonder" as you see it.. haha ",)

Sleeping early.

Dang. Must we sleep early?

Been HOUNDED! Grounded?

Sigh. I lurve sleeping late late late!!

But as a GUAI nu-er.. I should sleep early! Dang dang dang!

Parents.. really get on ur nerves at times!

Sighs.. sleeping late again... still so many things to do and so little hours.. I'm really glad though.. today... I praise God for the good hours spent. Also sad that wasted the morning away... sleeping late..

But i slept at 10:30pm yesterday!!

A myriad of "3 things"

Oops,...i've exceeded file transfer max size on the file storage website. Now its suspended! :( So no pics for a while...

Well.. Was chatting a long time last night with my aunt penny. Man it's been long.. but good.

I realised I've been thru two phases of life recently - 1. feeling down emotionally. 2. feeling stressed and unmotivated to work. But I'm really glad that I'm out of these phases. Indeed every part of life is a learning time.

I was just thinking thru.. and realised something...

3 things that make me happy:
- loving myself and spreading joy to others
- being confident
- knowing God

3 things that make me sad:
- when people face troubles and aren't able to get out of it
- that people can go to church but still not know God - or not be Godly
- feeling all alone in my endeavors

3 things that make me angry:
- when people promise things but do not fulfill them
- a negative mindset (sometimes i see it in myself too)
- lack of passion

3 things that amaze/confuse me:
- the need for friends
- the fuss over life-succeeding-getting somewhere, making your mark
- crushes.

3 things that earn my respect:
- a person with integrity
- a person who is upright and has principles
- a person who is magnimous / generous and not petty and stingy

3 things that earn my admiration:
- a person with passion and drive
- a beautiful guy / girl
- a good friend

3 things that I really loathe:
- worry
- temptation
- sin

3 goals that I wanna strive for:
- healthy lifestyle
- determined attitude
- self-confidence

3 things that I would like to buy:
- nothing
- nothing
- nothing..
mwhahaha.. i'm not a shopping person.

3 things I would like to do today:
- my fyp report - still unfinished.
- read full-metal alchemist manga
- talk with mum/dad about europe plans.

3 things I'd like to praise God for:
- that String Ensemble is doing great
- that I could speak with aunty penny last night..
- that I am able to think of my future and not run away from that thought.\


That's it.. Enough for now.. :)

Donkey N Me

I was just about to write about the "10 things I hate about me".

But then I came across this website. Thank God! It said:

God always has a great plan for you to conquer and win! In crisis we need to turn our focus off the problem and onto Him - like David did. Take comfort in the following scriptures and HAVE A GOOD LAUGH AT THE PICTURE BELOW.

Prov 17:22 (TLB) A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick.

1 Pet 5:7 (NKJ) ...casting ALL your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

1 Sam 30:6 (NAU) Moreover David was greatly distressed because the people spoke of stoning him, for all the people were embittered, each one because of his sons and his daughters (who had been taken captive). But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.

Psa 37:5 (NLT) Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust Him, and He will help you.

Psa 55:22 (NAU) Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will NEVER allow the righteous to be shaken.

Matt 6:34 (NAU) "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Phil 4:6 (NLT) Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.

Have you ever felt helpless through being overloaded?
SAM >>> YESSSSS!!!!! Overloaded with unsightly moods and general disability to do work i'm supposed to be doing. burnout?

How do you think this poor donkey feels?
SAM >>> Man.. I wish I was the donkey.. it won't be so bad..


Donkey: Will someone please explain the center of gravity to this dude.
Donkey: I love these breaks - the joy of resting one's legs.
Donkey: Anyone got a pillow for my butt?
Donkey: Wait till I report you to my union.
Donkey: A little dignity please!
Donkey: Thanks bud - I've always wanted see what things look like from up here
.

PS: Actually, time-wise i'm not that "busy". Been pretty free enough to read lots of mangas, watch movie, go sleep thru the day.. etc.. What is it? Is it just a lack of motivation. Been on the last week till now.

Yup maybe I should just quit complaining and pray about everything. Faith. Faith Faith!! I'm really in the fire of testing of faith.. tested...tried! passed?

Phil 4:6 (NLT) Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.

What a pleasant day

Self-fulfillment. Something that occurs when you have done something you wished to do.

For the whole week i'd been struggling to sit down and write my FYP paper.. nevermind that it is only 1/3 of the whole thing and in little parts.. finally managed to do it today (Saturday).. it wasn't totally completed yet, but then, what's a draft for!

I have this whole thing with work nowadays - if it looks totally overwhelming, my brain switches off and I have this mindset that says no I can't do it if I only have 1 hr.. I need 6 straight hours to sit and do it.. if not, I just can't do it. I dunno why I have this funny habit.. but i think many people will understand.. its not easy to do something and then have to stop to go somewhere else. Well, finally I've passed the initial barrier.. things should be smoother from here I suppose!

Had a wonderful meeting with some friends from church today, to plan an evangelism project! Finally, we have an idea. Its so exciting to know that we're gonna do something. On the other hand, I know that as frail as humans are, we are so apt to feeling disappointed if things should not work out, or if we don't see eye to eye. I sometimes fear letting people down. Why? Its not me who's supposed to keep their faith up.. its God.. I only help to guide as best as i can..

I realised recently too that I have been holding myself back - from so many things - I wish to talk to a person but I dare not - I wish to ask a person something but I don't - I wish to be happy, But i make myself sad - I wish to show compassion to a person who comes to sell tissue packets, but i shove that person away with a straight face. How christian is that? I think I bow my head in shame. I feel like a rock - hardened by fear of what i also don't know.

But I know too that perhaps, all these are happening that I may really know WHO I truly am. I believe i've gotta be more real, more kind.. even though I'm generally quite amiable,.. sometimes looks deceive us.. I must learn not to reject God's inner voice of conscience - which tells me "Go say a kind word to this friend..." or "Go & be forgiving.."

Well...all that aside..I find peace and joy in my reflections, knowing that like any clay pot being passed thru the fire, I can say that now, I feel like I'm IN the fire. Everything sinful and not pleasing (to God) about me is coming to light and Lord! You gotta help me thru this!

And lastly.. I watched Howl's moving castle today! It was really interesting.. magical.. I'm transported to that world of Sophie.. just like Mononoke Hime... it's just enthralling.. I love it!